How do you know if suicidal thoughts are just that? Thoughts?

[HeyMacWey]

I'm coming to terms with a diagnosis of a chronic illness. I've had a relapse over the last three weeks and am struggling to imagine what life is going to be like in the future.

I don't want my children to have a mum that can't take an active part in their lives or a husband that comes home to a housebound wife.

Today has been a disaster - everything I've tried to do I've struggled with. It's on days like this that I have irrational fuck it moments. I think about driving my car into a brick wall or just throwing myself down the stairs but then after seeing the head fuck left behind by others in the same way my reality kicks in.

Two other members of my extended family have committed suicide.

When my illness is under control I'm ok. In fact I'm a pretty positive person and despite my life changing beyond my control I've just got on with it. There are plenty of people in worse situations. It's when I relapse that I struggle.

I don't know whether to talk to the gp about this. I'm reluctant to add Ad's into the mix as I'm so spaced a lot of the time as it is.

Anyone else in a similar situation? I'm really stuck about what to do when I'm like this.

[HeyMacWey]

I guess what I'm worried about is that my brain will just flip and I won't have any control and I'll just do it.

[Mitchy1nge]

it sounds like something it would be good to talk about with someone who can listen supportively and hopefully reassuringly - am sure it is quite 'normal' to some extent to have these thoughts at times of stress but they can be unpleasant and frightening

you wouldn't necessarily have to take additional meds just for seeking a bit of help at the moment so think it might be a good idea to talk to the GP

[Mitchy1nge]

are there any organisations specific to your condition that you could get support and advice from?

[NanaNina]

It sounds like suicide ideation to me, in the sense that we don't necessarily want to do we just want an end to the pain (emotional and/or physical) or whatever it is we're struggling with............I suffer from intermittent depression which can be severe at times and I often have these kind of thoughts, but they're a symptom of depression. I'm not sure ADs would help really as it doesn't sound like you're depressed. I don't think brains "just flip" in the way you're worried about.

Maybe some counselling/therapy to help you come to terms with your diagnosis might help - might be worth asking the GP if he/she can refer you - though there is often a waiting list. Otherwise you could go privately (if you can afford it) but the costs are high (around £50 an hour dependent on where you live) If you go down this route the best website is BACP (British Assoc of Counsellors and Psychotherapists) as people on that register are properly trained and accredited. OR is there a national organisation related to your condition where you might get support.

[HeyMacWey]

Thanks for your messages - depression is a common 'side effect' of the illness. It's reassuring to know that I won't just do it.

Yes suicide ideation definitely makes sense.
I do have a history of self harm which I'm trying to limit atm.

They do offer cbt to help with coming to terms with so I'll see if I can get on a waiting list for that.