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Sometimes I am just so tired of this

(5 Posts)
HeyheyheyGoodbye Thu 20-Nov-14 10:19:23

Long history of mental illness including hospitalisations etc. I'm well medicated and will be for the rest of my life. No complaints about my care.

I've had all the therapy and I know all the tools and I'm very lucky that it does work, if by work I mean I can get out of bed, fulfill my commitments, and it no longer prevents me from being myself, achieving my goals or having good relationships.

I just sometimes find it so exhausting. Yesterday was a particularly awful day. I couldn't stay at home with the duvet over my head as I had two academic presentations to give and a committee meeting to Chair. I did all of that and I don't think anyone could tell that the whole time I just wanted to jump out of the window and go screaming off into the distance. I don't think anyone could tell that I was being followed around all day by my shadow self bellowing in my ear that I'm a stupid, lazy, talentless, charmless, selfish, pathetic, pointless, waste of space. I don't think anyone could tell that I would just about make it through my front door before going into total meltdown, shaking, rocking, crying until it hurt, having hysterics all over my poor, sweet DH, who just wants to make me feel better but has no chance.

Today I feel awful still, but I have a much calmer day working by myself which is miles easier to handle. I know this will pass and I will feel ok again in a couple of days. I don't know why I'm posting really. Just wondered if anyone else who is on the 'recovered' side still finds it so exhausting despite not being in crisis anymore? Sometimes I feel like I should be much better at it sad

123upthere Thu 20-Nov-14 10:22:36

You did a LIT yesterday

I find that saying 'I am good enough' really helps.

Also do one kind thing for tourself each day / have something to look forward to at say 11am (a nice coffee?) and 4pm then 9pm each day

It breaks the day into manageable chunks thanks

123upthere Thu 20-Nov-14 10:23:05

'A lot' that should say - sorry

lemisscared Thu 20-Nov-14 10:23:12

You didn't give in to those voices - you are so strong! You did all of that despite your shadow trying to drag you down. You should be patting yourself on the back.

HeyheyheyGoodbye Thu 20-Nov-14 12:07:11

Thank you both flowers I like the idea of doing something kind for myself. I do have people around me to say supportive things (lucky, I know) but I can't 'hear' it when the awful brain shouting is so loud. I think doing something nice for myself is a good idea.

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