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Depressed Teenage Daughter

(6 Posts)
stevea Fri 14-Nov-14 20:15:19

My 15yo daughter is suffering from depression.This has got worse over the last few weeks and yesterday took her to the doctors who sat with her on her own for an hour,he was very understanding and explained he didn't want to give her medication at this point but gave her a letter for her school nurse and a list of useful websites. She is a very talented singer and tonight had an audition and gig but pulled out at the last moment which is the second time she has done this recently,I'm afraid my disappointment showed although I have since sat down with her and explained that I was just disappointed with the situation and not her.She refuses to talk about her depression and just wants to be left alone and for it to go away,hates school can't get on with her mum who has her own issues and has given us both a hard time this year(I'm sure she is bipolar but that's another story) ).I just want to help and get my beautiful daughter back to her old self but feel isolated and helpless

Queenofknickers Fri 14-Nov-14 22:00:55

I'm so sorry to hear your daughter, and family are suffering. Did the GP put her on the list for CBT or refer her to CAMHS? It sounds like therapy could be the route to explore. There is a charity called Young Minds as well who might be helpful? Good luck x

NanaNina Fri 14-Nov-14 22:18:55

So sorry your girl is suffering - our children's pain is our pain isn't it - bit confused as you say "she can't get on with her mom who has her own issues" - assume that's you? It's not really surprising she doesn't want to talk about depression - I think this must be very hard for a young girl, as at that age they just want to be like everyone else don't they, are can be very self conscious which only makes things more difficult.

I'm sure you know that the simplest thing can seem an ordeal when you're depressed so it's not surprising she couldn't face an audition and gig tonight. Also it's not surprising she hates school, as it must be a real struggle to concentrate and try to act like nothing is wrong. I wonder if one of her relatives is bipolar, as there is as I'm sure you know a hereditary factor with this illness.

It isn't clear from your post whether you have a mental illness or not, but if you have experienced depression and anxiety you will know that it is a horrible illness that sucks the life out of you and makes you feel worthless and hopeless. I wonder why the GP didn't refer your DD to CAMHS as I'd have thought that would have been a first step. I also wonder if he mentioned the website YoungMinds which I think she'd find helpful.

Does she have any friends who are able to understand that she is not well at the present and can support her. It's difficult enough for adults to try to understand depression and I think it's not really possible unless you have first had experience, so must be more difficult for young people. Although having said that some youngsters (especially girls) are very emotionally mature these days.

I think the best thing you can do is to accept that she is depressed and not have any expectations of her just now, let her be, don't press her to discuss how she feels, but be there if and when she does want to talk. Try to encourage her out of her room (if she's spending a lot of time in there) as depression makes us want to isolate ourselves and that's not always a good thing, though sometimes it's less painful to not have to be with others. You might find there are certain times of the day when she's better than others - sometimes depression gets better in the evening with the mornings being the worst times.

IF you don't know very much about depression (and I'm sorry if you do...) you might find the MIND and RE-THINK websites useful and YOUNGMINDS.

stevea Sat 15-Nov-14 00:09:48

No this is her dad .It is her mum who has problems going from deep depression earlier in the year to wanting to leave for 3 months and now treating us as irritating.

FanSpamTastic Sat 15-Nov-14 00:36:07

I found "living with a black dog" really useful while trying to understand my DH's depression. I would get very frustrated with the whole situation - him, everything. It helped to have a different perspective on things.

NanaNina Sat 15-Nov-14 14:34:12

Sorry stevea must confess I never think of men posting on here and I should realise that they do of course. Do you think your DD's depression is related to her mother's depression and the "fall out" from that - you don't sound like you are sympathetic to your W/P's depression which is a shame, as mental illness is an absolute torment and people suffering need support. It makes us behave in unpleasant ways sometimes and irritability is one of them, as is feeling worthless and of no use to anyone.

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