Going back to work

[MagpieCursedTea]

I wasn't sure which section to post this in but I thought this might be the best place.
I have bipolar disorder and also suffer with anxiety. I have a 13 month old son and we've just moved to a new area (I also have a wonderful and supportive DH).
I worked full time in a job I enjoyed before DS was born and I had a supportive team and understanding manager. I've really struggled with the idea of leaving DS to go back to work but before he was born work was a big part of my life and great for my confidence and self esteem.
I decided to look for something part time and was lucky enough to find, interview for and be offered a job quite quickly.
I don't think I'll start properly for a while (waiting on the DRB check and also a medical) but I've got the induction next week. It's 4 days and I'm terrified. I feel sick all the time thinking about it. Partly it's just the fear of starting a new job and meeting new people. I'm also dreading being away from DS for so long. He'll be with my parents so I know he'll be well looked after but I'm just going to miss him so much.
Sorry to ramble on but I've not felt this anxious in a while and I'm not coping.

[MagpieCursedTea]

Bump, anyone?

[NanaNina]

I think most new mums dread the time when they have to leave their baby to go back to work, and that's without the added complication of bipolar and anxiety. Can I ask if your bipolar is stabilised with medication and are you on anything for anxiety?

You're fortunate that your parents are looking about your baby as that is SO much better than a nursery, or even a childminder, as you know he will have the one to one attention he needs at that age. How many days will you be working? Also you're fortunate to have a wonderful and supportive DH, but I honestly don't think the anxiety is going to lessen until you actually start the induction next week. Thinking about something like this when we have a mental illness can be very anxiety provoking and you just might find that once you start you will feel a bit better.

I assume you have been on maternity leave for over a year and so getting back into the workplace is a big deal - you need to be kind to yourself, don't expect too much of yourself and know that it may take time, but there is no reason why you can't enjoy part time working once again.

You will miss your baby - I remember missing mine and that was more years ago than I care to say....and he was well looked after by my sister but I got used to it over time.

[MagpieCursedTea]

Thanks for the reply!
I'm on one of my meds again but on a low dose as I'm still breastfeeding. It controls my bipolar symptoms quite well but doesn't do much for the anxiety. I have a PRN med for when my anxiety gets too much though.
I'm not sure what hours I'll be working yet as there are various fixed term contracts but it'll probably be 2 or 3 days. I think part of my anxiety is not knowing that yet!
I'm hoping that you're right and once I've started the anxiety will improve. Just need to get through those first few days.