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Hello, I'm new and feeling very anxious. Guess I'm reaching out for support/kindness

(17 Posts)
LaMadeleine Thu 13-Nov-14 12:48:30


I'm new so please forgive me if I do anything wrong within my post.

I've recently been diagnosed with postnatal anxiety, anxiety from situations in my life and panic attacks.

My two best friends are going through very tough life events at the moment so I don't want to burden them. My family aren't very good at being emotionally supportive and since having a bit of a falling out with my mum (patched up now, tenuously) I can't turn to her.

I adore being a mum, it's the best thing ever, but I am very tired of all of the demands relatives are putting on me. There are lots of little digs and comments, for example looking down on me for choosing to breastfeed. A big issue now brewing I sense is about my mum etc wanting to take her without me being there. Rightly or wrongly I just don't feel ready and it's getting to a point where my anxiety is spiralling and I can literally feel that fight or flight kicking in (wish I could move abroad). Instead of family support I'm being demonised as being selfish. I can't help feeling like this and I don't want to have these anxieties.

I'm due to start counselling in a few weeks but today I've been feeling so dreadful and anxious right to the pit of my stomach. I really need someone to talk to. Does anybody know anywhere I could turn for a friendly ear while I await counselling. Sorry to sound so self-indulgent and cheers for reading!

massagegirl Thu 13-Nov-14 19:35:17

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Your definately doing the right thing by seeing gp. Sorry no real words of wisdom but you are not alone.

LaMadeleine Thu 13-Nov-14 21:19:37

Thank you Massagegirl for taking the time to read and reply. It's much appreciated.

Haggisfish Thu 13-Nov-14 21:28:57

I would say your anxiety is very natural and inbuilt and that your family are insensitive twats for making you feel that way! I recently vetoed my mum taking dd (4 years old) to London as I couldn't face being that far away from her! And my mum child minds dd for me while I'm at work!! Mum was disappointed but understood. She would never guilt trip me about it. I would try to keep family at arms length for a while. Bf I found to be a great anti anxiety medicine -the oxytocin it releases was marvellous especially after the first five months or so when all the birth himones had calmed down.

Haggisfish Thu 13-Nov-14 21:29:27

How old us your baby?

LaMadeleine Thu 13-Nov-14 21:48:39

Thanks Haggisfish, God that felt good to read! I know it sounds silly but sometimes you just really need to hear someone agree others are behaving twattishly and it's not all me! I'm aware that's a bit self indulgent like I said.

My girl's 10 months. I know it might sound old and maybe I should be ready to be apart but I'm not. We bf on demand and co-sleep and are very close. But guess what, she super sociable, confident and not a bit shy of strangers! There's one in the eye for those who said I'll make her clingy! Haha!

Haggisfish Thu 13-Nov-14 22:12:41

Erm no, ten months not too old at all. I bf daughter until she was three and a half. Also faced similar comments occasionally from twelve months on, including a spectacularly rude and Ill informed consultant. I ignored and wrote a stinging letter of complaint, along with references to several scientific journals about ghe benefits of extended breastfeeding. My son self weaned at nine months and I miss bf!! I didn't leave daughter overnight until she was eight months old and even now, I have not bent away from them for more than one night. I simply don't want to be apart from them! Are you talking overnight stays?

Haggisfish Thu 13-Nov-14 22:14:53

Having said all yhat, get gp to check thyroid levels-it can often go into overdrive about eight months after birth, leading yo insomnia and anxiety. Looking back it also caused the extreme ibs I developed for about three months.

Jessbags001 Thu 13-Nov-14 22:16:26

10 months isn't old, she's still your baby! Keep up the good job, you're obviously doing a great job.

Family critiscism can be so hard to take, but try not to take it to heart. I decided in my case that it stemmed from insecurity and a lack of unerstanding/listening rather than actual nastiness. No less infuriating but slightly easier to file in your head in the 'something not to take to heart' category.

As for support, I'd recommend, well, here!

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane Thu 13-Nov-14 22:19:51

Hello LaMadeleine

While you are waiting for your counselling there are some good resources on this site (my counsellor got me to use some)

Ten months is little still and you can't spoil a child with cuddles/love/closeness. You don't need to let anyone take your daughter on their own until you are ready. If you want a chat about anxiety (I have it too) then please feel free to message me.

JessBear123 Thu 13-Nov-14 22:23:07

Bless you! I think everyone has some anxiety when becoming a new mum.
I look back on when I had my little one (well not so little anymore he's 9) and I know I did!!
If your not comfortable letting her go then don't. She's your baby you say how it is. No one should guilt you into it! I know its easier said than done though.

It will get easier I promise!

LaMadeleine Thu 13-Nov-14 22:26:37

I'd have loved to read your stinging letter of complaint! Blooming ignorant people out there. Thanks again for your support/advice. All my bloods are fine thankfully, I had suspected anaemia leading to my dizziness etc but turns out it was all the anxiety.

I adore breastfeeding too (well maybe not this biting phase) and will do it for as long as DD wants. It baffles me what people, including my mum, see as so wrong in it (my theory is that she considers anything I do differently to her parenting-wise she sees as a sleight)

People just want to take her during the day to 'give me a break' but I genuinely don't need a break from her she's good as gold. Night stays are out due to bf.

Yikes sorry to chew your ear off Haggis!

LaMadeleine Thu 13-Nov-14 22:32:54

Thank you Jessbags, MrsPepperMinton and Jessbear. I so appreciate everything you have all said. No that's not a tear, I've got something in my eye, honest! Seriously, I have been feeling lousy today and to hear people say they've been through similar and know how I feel just makes me feel not so alone.i will definitely check the link MrsP and may take you up on that chat. I'm really happy I posted here.

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane Thu 13-Nov-14 22:34:22

Feel free anytime smile

Rachela88 Sat 15-Nov-14 12:48:36

Hi, I know how anxiety feels,i suffer it myself,your not selfish,I sometimes feel like that to.dont worry about every one else you have to do what's best for you and your lil one.always here if you need a chat

LaMadeleine Sat 15-Nov-14 13:38:06

Thanks Rachel88, I do appreciate your support. It's horrible having anxiety isn't it, been trying some breathing techniques and reading about ways to help myself. I'll get there I'm sure!

Haggisfish Sat 15-Nov-14 18:49:06

Although I also feel a slight need to point out that at ten months old, your wee one could easily be taken for a walk in the pram for an hour or do by your mum-I loved the fact my dd and mum built up a relationship from early on. I made sure both my mum and mil got to spend time on their own with the children from a very young age, to enable them to build special relationships and bonds. And it meant when I was finally ready to leave dd overnight, she was delighted to stay with my mum!

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