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12yo ds & suicide(4 Posts)
Not sure where to go on this one...
(DH has said that I'm very b&w in thinking & talking, so I don't want to rush in and mess up any conversations)
Background: me, age 12, v unhappy, attempted suicide with paracetamol - don't know why it didn't work, because I had lots, but in retrospect, I think that they might have been a decade out of date or more due to DM's hoarding. Eldest child, sounding board for DM's unhappiness, and ultimately put in charge of other children. Had a v understanding Head who acted as a counsellor, permanently open door to me. 2 or 3 years later, through the worst, though aware that I bottle stuff up. Have never told anyone other than my counsellor in later life about the attempt.
FF to today, we have 12yoDS & younger DD. Earlier this year, DS expressed great unhappiness & talked of spending hours on phone to Childline...has a history of deflecting when in trouble (as he was at that time at school, for bottling up & then exploding verbally at another child - something I realise now that I do too) so apart from trying to work out what was going on & sorting it together with school - they offered counselling which he flatly refused) I also checked all phone & mobile bills and saw that no calls were listed to Childline, though I didn't tell him that I checked...He refused all attempts to discuss, help etc and said that he was fine and we should leave him alone.
So now he has created an Instagram account & used it to link to suicide & selfharm sites - I'm not on instagram but was alerted by another parent, concerned for her own DC as well as mine. Not sure if he is the instigator or caught on the coattails, but really v worried.
My instinct is that it is a mix of attention seeking and genuine distress. I have no idea what the balance is or how to help him, especially as he is thinks that he is a tech wizard and clearly knows far more than either of his parents, but just doesn't get the whole taking responsibiilty for his own actions as yet.
I hid so much misery from my parents but was lucky enough to have a sounding board. He doesn't appear to have one and I am scared.
Have a look at YoungMinds website. It might help.
I'm not sure what to suggest
But I thought I heard once that helplines such as child line don't show up on the bills. Like some DV lines too I think - to protect the caller from an abuser finding out.
Not sure if that does apply to childline or not but it may be that he has been calling them even if not on the bill
Childline doesn't appear or landlines bills, not so sure about mobiles though.
My parents dismissed a lot of my mental health problems as attention seeking which was really detrimental to my mental health. I'm not saying believe him 100% but don't dismiss it altogether. Like a PP said, phone young minds, they were great with my 12yr old and we got to speak to a child mental health professional for 50 mins which really helped.
If he has been using Childline then tell him that he can use Childline whenever he needs to, if he's being honest and has spent hours on the phone to them then it sounds like something that has helped him.
It's a really hard place to be in so I really sympathise.
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