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To not bother much with christmas because it's only ds, dh and me?

(233 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Biggamehunter Mon 10-Nov-14 21:52:05

I'm feeling really depressed at the moment. I was planning in trying to make the best if christmas but something's happened today that although only small really has knocked me for six.

I really cannot be bothered with christmas this year. It just does not seem worth the effort. All that build up for just one day. And it's only the three of us, it barely seems worth the pretence that we are a normal happy family like everyone else.

Wibu to just do the absolute bare minimum? Few gifts but no tree or special lunch or anything? What's the point really? Even if it is vaguely cheery the other 364 days of the year are fucking miserable.

generaltilney Mon 10-Nov-14 21:53:37

Oh blimey you sound really fed up.

YANBU to have exactly the Christmas you would like even if it's nothing like what other people do, but you sound depressed rather than wanting to do something else.

Could you say more about what has brought you so far down?

billibob Mon 10-Nov-14 21:54:57

How old is your ds op?

Biggamehunter Mon 10-Nov-14 21:56:26

He's 5.
It's been a horrific year. As I said it was only something small comparatively today but it doesn't take much to throw me at the moment. I'm definitely teetering on the edge!

Arlagirl Mon 10-Nov-14 21:56:27

Know the feeling. We've filed for divorce today. Kids unaware...h wants to keep it that way.

Wailywailywaily Mon 10-Nov-14 22:00:50

My Mum once cancelled Christmas. We, the DC, never forgave her.

Mintyy Mon 10-Nov-14 22:02:30

Please see someone about your mental health, for your son's sake at least.

Guitargirl Mon 10-Nov-14 22:08:08

Do you want to talk about what has happened? This might sound like a very naive thing to suggest but maybe a bit of Christmas cheer might be just the thing to make you feel better? Can you get your DH to do Christmassy things with your DS if you're not up to it. It doesn't have to be you who makes all of Christmas happen. I may of course be talking through my arse, it's difficult without knowing more about your circumstances, what do you mean 'normal happy family' for instance?

MillionToOneChances Mon 10-Nov-14 22:12:02

Your son will notice. He wants to be happy. He wants his lovely little family to be happy.

All the talk before and after Christmas at school will be of Christmas. He'll need an advent calendar, decorations, a proper lunch, stocking and a couple of gifts. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it does have to be a Christmas. Thankfully, if you are so depressed you can't currently see a way to make that happen, there's plenty of time to get to your GP and get help.

sammycruick Mon 10-Nov-14 22:13:20

It sounds like the problem is probably bigger than Xmas. Deal with the other things and Christmas will sort itself out.

fatowl Mon 10-Nov-14 22:14:00

You can have a small, quiet Christmas and still make it fun for your ds.

I am not depressed, but my DH is and still trying to get his meds combination right. We are headed the same way for xmas, dd20 isn't coming home for the first time, no other family nearby and we re overseas in a country that doesn't make a huge deal about xmas so xmas requires an effort (it doesn;t just happen). Other dds are 13 and 16.

Mehitabel6 Mon 10-Nov-14 22:17:39

You have to give your 5 yr old a proper Christmas. You need to seek help for the depression.See your GP.

Pooka Mon 10-Nov-14 22:18:52

I think when you have children Christmas becomes about them. At 5 it would be really rather sad to have no tree, decorations and fuss. Fair enough, get a pre-catered lunch, or go off piste and get a treat takeaway. Make an alternative Christmas, but a Christmas nonetheless. A tree isn't hard to sort, a decorations. An advent calendar too. Stocking and presents and lots of family time.

Don't you think that you will feel worse, anxious about your ds missing out, if you don't try and celebrate it? Fake it if necessary. God knows, I'm not keen on Christmas personally because of the extra effort, but the tree, calendar, decorations and some good food isn't actually hard to achieve when it's just the three of you.

All the previous posters are right to suggest that you need to get some help to try and deal with your depression.

IsItMeOr Mon 10-Nov-14 22:21:34

YABU I'm afraid. Your 5yo DS will definitely notice.

Can you see your GP about how you're feeling?

QTPie Mon 10-Nov-14 22:21:53

Yes, think that you need to talk about it. Either here, on another thread or to someone in RL.

Are you really "teetering on the edge" - ie are you feeling really really depressed? If so, you really really need to talk to someone (a professional).

As far as the initial question (without the context of your problems/situation), then I would say it would be unfair for your DS. Christmas doesn't have to be expensive or full of presents, but at 5 it would be really sad not to celebrate (my DS will be 5 in January and he is so aware of Christmas). Call me old fashioned, but I think that childhood is really precious. Most of life is a long, hard (sometimes miserable) slog: whatever we can do to give some magic to those early childhood years must be good. I don't believe in spoiling kids with loads of presents, but I do believe in making their lives very "experience rich".

ilovechristmas1 Mon 10-Nov-14 22:25:39

if your dc was an adult i would agree but he is only 5 and would be so so disappointed if you didnt,he is at an age now where he will be looking forward to it,you cant not do it for him

tshirtsuntan Mon 10-Nov-14 22:26:33

Where do you live? Could we/I send or drop you a tree? A bit of something christmassy? Just so you know we're here? Happy to do that (Christmas should be tops, but I remember some that weren't)

Biggamehunter Mon 10-Nov-14 22:27:30

Yes definitely teetering.

We aren't a lovely little family, sadly. We are three individuals who happen to live together. Ds was unfortunate enough to be born to us, he would have been much happier in a proper family.
Maybe dh can take him to mil's for the day.

Biggamehunter Mon 10-Nov-14 22:28:13

Thank you t shirt, that is very kind of you x

Biggamehunter Mon 10-Nov-14 22:29:26

We have a tree etc though, it's just the effort of putting it up
No it isn't actually. It's having it there looking all cheerful and having to pretend to be cheerful when everything is so fucking bleak. It feels like it's just one big lie.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Mon 10-Nov-14 22:29:50

You poor thing flowers.

I have certainly had flat and miserable xmasses, but now have children, I would rather dose myself with drugs ( prescribed), and force myself to buy a tree, shove decs up, smile and get through it for my children.

In some ways, making him the total focus may help you thinking about yourself and your problems, and give you a new diversion.

Dont punish him for whats happening to you, which in turn must be affecting his little world.

You dont have to do much, even a branch from outside, sprayed with some baubles would look pretty...
and sometimes even if you dont feel well, just the very act of putting one foot in front of another, faking a smile and keeping on going, gradually without realising the smile is real and your walking anway.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas Mon 10-Nov-14 22:32:40

Ds was unfortunate enough to be born to us, he would have been much happier in a proper family.

children love their parents and want their love whoever they are and whatever they do.

however if you can break up the day by letting him go somewhere thats perhaps more jolly for a while...that sounds good then you only have to be jolly yourself for small time. but its a way away yet, you may feel differently by then.

but do try not to burden your son with your and your dh issues.

MillionToOneChances Mon 10-Nov-14 22:33:04

Big, would I be correct in thinking you've posted recently giving some insight into your difficulties this year? You got a unanimous response then too.

Your son needs you. Not his grandmother - YOU.

'Teetering on the edge' is no good for anyone. Please get help. If you need help to get help, perhaps this could be one of those threads where you tell us you've booked a GP appointment and you tell us how you're feeling in the run up to it and we support you through it? xx

Mehitabel6 Mon 10-Nov-14 22:35:54

To your DS you are a lovely little family, you are the only mother he wants. In your depressed state you can only see it from your perspective. I would strongly recommend starting with your GP and getting help.

Leviticus Mon 10-Nov-14 22:37:00

Sorry you're so down OP.

Could you use this as an opportunity to focus your energy and bring yourself up (sorry if that's flippant).

I think of Christmas as the whole of December - the build up is better than the day often. Set a date early in the month to put the tree up and start gently winding your DS up into the spirit with making cards and decorations and maybe a trip to a grotto or to see some lights. Is he in a nativity play at school?

Christmas is a lovely time and he's five so I think you'd BU to cancel it.

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