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What do you do when there are no other avenues?

(20 Posts)
fluffydressinggown Mon 10-Nov-14 12:28:04

I am due to be discharged from a Section 3 from a psych unit today. That will definitely go ahead.

I am under the crisis team.

I have a CPN.

I have a diagnosis of BPD and have done DBT.

I am totally broken. Walked around Morrisons in a daze this morning.

I have contacted the Samaritans.

Feel very very unsafe and unwell.

What else can I do other than what I want to do? Being IP obviously does nothing. This is my first time alone in 8 weeks. If I go to A&E it will be the same crisis team that visit me at home.

My husband says he will leave me if I self harm again but even that isn't a motivator.

I am just lost.

What else is there?

I hope this doesn't get deleted but this is not suicidal ideation, this is not not wanting to be free from the pain etc. I see no future.

I am safe at the moment and have rang my CPN.

I became an auntie today. Why am I so very very sad?

SquidgyMaltLoaf Mon 10-Nov-14 12:40:04

Because some chemical in your brain is messing things up, fluffy. It's not your fault. I've seen your threads edited and I have to say I think you're pretty amazing for coping with why you've been through. Well done for ringing the CPN. I can't give any advice but I can offer you a hand hold. thanks

SquidgyMaltLoaf Mon 10-Nov-14 12:40:39

'Edited' was supposed to read 'before'. Stupid phone!

ItsGotBellsOn Mon 10-Nov-14 12:44:44

If you are being discharged, will you have the HTT visiting daily for a while?

fluffydressinggown Mon 10-Nov-14 12:49:56

HTT is crisis team.

CPN said just to go with it and I have support.

Off to be discharged.

ItsGotBellsOn Mon 10-Nov-14 13:08:07

No practical advice, really. It is very hard. But try to go easy on yourself. You are going to feel weird and disorientated after a hospital stay.

I laid very low for a few weeks after I was discharged from a psych unit. DH had to pick up the slack with the kids etc, but I really needed to recuperate. I kept my mind 'relaxingly busy' with DVD box sets, films, Mumsnet and making nice meals, but also slept lots and visited a forum that deals with my MH issue a LOT for support.

I hated the HTT visits, but they focussed me on staying safe day by day.

Are you getting therapy?

(By the way - my hospital stay was in July. I am only JUST feeling strong enough to start socialising and thinking about a return to some sort of work again and a 'normal' life in the new year....steady does it).

CaulkheadUpNorth Mon 10-Nov-14 13:11:17

Keep talking here.
Is there a place where you feel safer than other places? Can you go there?
I text the Samaritians a lot as it feels more continual than a phone call.

Sijeunessesavait Mon 10-Nov-14 14:55:12

Dear fluffy

Please keep yourself safe. So many of us here read your posts with admiration and sympathy. You deserve to be well. I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing there was more that I could do than sending this message.

flowers

Bassetfeet Mon 10-Nov-14 15:04:26

Hi Fluffy
I don't have the knowledge or experience to know what is helpful to say ...just empathy and I like so many here care about you .
You must be feeling very disorientated and dazed Fluffy .

You must be sick of the word distraction ......but if you can for tiny amounts of time chat here ...do some sewing or colouring in .....internet shop ....text Samaritans ......cuddle the cat . I realise this all sounds so trite but it is useful for very short periods of time doing them in sequence .

Are you up to looking back on your past posts ? The time earlier this year when you got hope and contentment back in your life after a previous time in hospital?
You had a lovely holiday and a new job ....life did look good again lovely .

You can and will recover again . Believe it . X

fluffydressinggown Mon 10-Nov-14 15:13:49

Thanks for your kind words.

I have been discharged (with no paperwork hmm)

Feeling so very low.

Bassetfeet Mon 10-Nov-14 15:23:53

Do you feel as though you have been abandoned by the service Fluffy?

fluffydressinggown Mon 10-Nov-14 15:53:45

No. I have loads of service support.

Just feel like I have come to end of the line with everything.

Bassetfeet Mon 10-Nov-14 17:03:02

I do understand the feeling of getting to the end of the line Fluffy a little bit
Even after the in patient section you maybe feel that all options have been tried with no resolution? Still sad and ill.
I don't know .is this how you feel ?

Just want to compare a little bit with cancer care ...not one is worthy or the other ...both bloody awful .
You get your treatment plan over with lots of intervention then suddenly you are back discharged and an appt in three months .

Exhausted and feeling shit . Scared . Every impulse in your body and emotion triggers over and over again that the axe will fall . Fluffy it takes time and courage to see these emotions as normal and they will pass.
They will .
Hold on .....hold on .

CaulkheadUpNorth Mon 10-Nov-14 17:04:06

Hey, been thinking about you fluffy. How are you doing?

fluffydressinggown Mon 10-Nov-14 19:09:19

Been to my GP and been signed off for 6 weeks. I will see crisis tomorrow and go from there.

SnowyMouse Mon 10-Nov-14 19:17:36

Thinking of you fluffy Big hugs.

Khalessi Mon 10-Nov-14 20:36:08

No words of wisdom here but I'm thinking of you.

FreezingFingers Tue 11-Nov-14 23:56:12

Thinking of you flowers and totally understand how you feel
I have basically been dumped by most of my MHT
Was kicked off a section 3 & in-patient because my consultant would rather I "... went home to do summat silly and not on the ward" << not sure if I can put his exact s word
Crisis team have never bothered - even when contacted by worried family
Psychiatrist, care co-ordinator & support worker stopped doing anything when I started DBT cos they don't like to interfere - apparently hmm
DBT therapist left last month so the whole group have been dumped as there isn't a replacement
I have had no contact from anybody for over 3 weeks
Still SH practically every day & OD a few times
I am too ill to have a driving licence or more than 5 days prescription of my meds but not ill enough for anyone to give a toss if I'm dead or alive
I sincerely hope your team are better than mine - I don't know where to turn anymore sad
flowers

fluffydressinggown Wed 12-Nov-14 18:02:55

Saw my cpn today. Usually really good but was not that helpful. Ho hum.

brightandbreezyNot Wed 12-Nov-14 19:50:58

HI.I know how dispondent you must feel. It is unfair how people with MH issues are treated. I myself have not had contact with care coordinator for 5 weeks, when last saw her she said 'i will be in touch by phone to arrange an appt in 2 weeks'. I am a mess. I struggle to reach out for help and they know this. CPN saw me last in feb this year. What do they do? I am allowed to carry on OD every day, they dont care.

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