Depressed, comfort eating, spending too much on food, help!

[imalostcause]

Pretty much sums it up .. Dh is out of work and has been for 18 months. We had savings and mortgage overpayment to get us through 3 months, but then ran out of money. I earn between 400 and 800 per month, depending on work load (self employed), although at this time of year usually closer to 400. Dh claiming JSA, but only gets a little towards mortgage and council tax, but no money, and we get CTC and child benefit. We also have a lot of debt from previous employment problems.

I have a history of depression and am now taking ADs. They have helped a little, but I think my main problem now is our situation and things won't improve until we are financially more stable. Dh has had a few interviews this week and has a few next week, we are hoping he'll be offered a job from one of them.

Sorry for rambling on. What I'd like advice on is that I (we) are comfort eating like mad I have no willpower at all. I used to buy only healthy food, but then when we were getting really down we',d go and buy junky stuff which was too expensive. Now I buy our junk with our weekly shop at aldi, making it much cheaper, but also too easy to overeat when the food is in the house.

Please don't tell me to pull myself together, if I could do that I wouldn't be asking for help.

We are still spending too much on for. I can do our normal weekly shop for £50, but somehow am spending too much still.

It's not just food . Dd12 is rapidly growing out of her clothes and shoes and I keep having to buy new stuff, although I mainly buy on ebay. None of my clothes fit, as I've put on over a stone, so I've also bought stuff for me on eBay . It's a bit like retail therapy/ shopping addiction, although in small amounts, but still exceeding what we can afford.

I feel pathetic. Dh is no help, he's in the same frame of mind. I feel like life is fairly hopeless, we will never be out of doubt. I am a terrible worrier and lie awake at night, worrying about our life and our future.

I have sold everything I can apart from stuff that just won't sell. I know how to cut costs, shop around for car insurance, broadband, mobile etc. What I can't manage is to stop eating the snacks.

Anyone felt like this and have any advice?

Please don't judge, I already feel like a total failure

[Messymanda]

Hiya, I have only joined this site this morning. Big (((hugs))) to you, I experience the same problems with overspending on overeating, despite 'knowing better'. I also suffer from depression. Just want to let you know that you are not alone. :)

[helensburgh]

Many hugs.

I think the fact you aRe recognising the issue is a step forward.

I really hike your DH gets some work soon and as you say that sounds like the cause of the issues.

I have anxiety and depressiona Nd have found help from exercising. I go out walks whenever I can, it stops me eating And also I find it quite therapeutic.

Do you have. Friend who you could ask if they want to go out a walk in the evening, that helps too, chatting as you walk.

It might sound a silly idea but might help a little

[snice]

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time. I think you need to go onto proper meal planning and if possible on line shopping-that way there's no scope for impulse purchases but you can put some affordable treats into your shop.

[imalostcause]

Thanks for the replies.

I don't have a lot of time to get out walking on these short days and little motivation tbh.

I've tried online shopping, it does keep the cost down, but we still go shopping for treats when we crave them. It's a total lack of self control

[imalostcause]

Messymanda, sorry you're struggling too. Are you on ADs?

[imalostcause]

Helen, sorry youre suffering with depression too . Sadly I have no friends nearby and few friends at all.

[Messymanda]

Yeah, I am on AD's. My life is a mess TBH. I know the only solution is to literally 'pull myself together'.
I do have moderate depression, which leads me to be unmotivated and not attend to the everyday tasks that everyone needs to do to keep a 'normal' life ticking over. Not opening post, not answering the fone, my house is a mess, my finances likewise. I sit at the PC for most of my free time, eating junk, getting fat.
Unfortunately this has also impacted now on my physical health, which has led to me now being off sick from work (again!)
Tablets and counselling are only a small part of any recovery, I know in my case, it is ME that has to do the hard work to change the situation, and I get discouraged as its such a huge mountain to climb!
But I haven't quite given up yet!

[imalostcause]

Messy, I could almost have written your post. I can sit all day at the PC, just wasting time.

What I can't get my head round is the fact that I know sugary foods are bad for me and I know I can't afford to spend more than 50 a week, yet it doesn't stop me At that moment in time I just don't care. Maybe I'm out to sabotage my attempts I don't know.

Maybe it's the fact that it seems like a hopeless situation. Even if dh finds work, we will be skint for the rest of our lives. I'm trying desperately to hang on to our house, but we will never be able to afford to do any work to it, although it is scruffy and needs decorating, new flooring, some cracks sorting out.

[Messymanda]

I understand about the self sabotage. For me, I think that deep down I dont believe that I deserve anything good in my life. Also, I think that I am so used to having a messed up life, it has become uncomfortably familiar, and change is scary. And what would I have as a focus in my life if things were all sorted?? I reckon these are the subconscious things that in part, keep me doing what I do, and keep me in my 'uncomfort' zone!
I need taking out the back and shooting! :)

[imalostcause]

Yes, I think there is a certain amount of thinking that I don't deserve a better life maybe

Last night we went to the supermarket and spent £30 on treats and chocolate and a few things for the freezer that were on offer It just didn't seem like the end of the world, I justified it by thinking, I won't do it again, but clearly that's not true

[BunnyMama]

Hi. First of all I want to say that I sympathise. I know the worry you are describing, and the helpless addiction to small but destructive habits (ebaying, overeating cheap crap).

The overeating/overspending is a symptom of your situation. Thinking that you can suddenly stop doing it without changing anything else isn't a solution. think you need to do something to take your mind of all this that will also give you back some self-respect. You mention that your house is scruffy and needs work doing. Obviously you are not in a position to tackle the big/expensive work. But I would suggest you do what you can to make your living space better. It can be as cheap and simple as cleaning your house from top to bottom, thoroughly cleaning, not just surface cleaning. I think this is a healthy mental activity that you can undertake that will distract you from the worry (and the cheap junk food).

This is not as simplistic a suggestion as it appears. It will create you a nicer living environment,(for your 12 year old as well), you feel like you're taking charge or control, the physical excercise will do you good, and there is virtually no expense other than cleaning products. Paint is reasonably inexpensive too. I bet there is a room or two that would benefit from a new paint colour no matter how much else needs doing in the house.

I hope things get better for you.

[imalostcause]

Thank you Bunny

I have been cleaning the house a room at a time, especially as we've had people viewing the house recently, so it's not really dirty, it just needs decorating, new flooring, cracks filling, that sort of stuff. Sadly even emulsion paint is out of the question really, plus I'm not able to do the work at present due to a bad back, and dh is in a similar situation, but also absolutely rubbish at any DIY.

He also prevents me doing anything other than sitting in front of the TV and eating junk in the evening, as he likes us to sit together relaxing. I know I could argue against this, but I don't really have the energy ..