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Am I depressed or is my life just shit?

(8 Posts)
AWholeLottaNosy Wed 05-Nov-14 12:28:53

I feel so alone. My life has gone to shit these last few years ani I feel like I can't cope any more.

Got made redundant, relationship ended, moved out of London to a small town where I grew up to care for my dad who had dementia and was solely going blind. My mum had been in a nursing home for 5 years as she was left severely incapacitated following a stroke. She finally passed away in February.

I really struggled trying to look after my dad, he could do so little for himself I had to do everything and it was really hard to leave the house as he was so vulnerable. Following an accident where I had to call the paramedics I realised I couldn't cope with it any more and eventually found a care home for him.

So I'm now living in my parents' home, it's old and run down, I don't know many people here and can go days without speaking to anyone. Finding it hard to get a job as been out of the workplace for so long and the job market is very limited here compared to London.

I just feel so alone and lost, can't see a future, can't see the point in anything. Can't be bothered to eat ( but am drinking a bottle of wine a night ). Am still in bed as there's no point in getting up. No point in living really...

hilbobaggins Wed 05-Nov-14 19:48:51

I think you sound like an incredible person. You've been through so much - and from the sound of things you've had to cope with all this very much on your own. Any one of these things - bereavement, supporting an incapacitated parent, loneliness, loss of relationship, loss of job -could bring a person to their knees. You've had to get through all of them. Life can be so bloody hard sometimes and it's not in the least surprising you're in such a dark place.

But you've survived it all, you're still here and you're reaching out for help. A part of you still wants to live and thrive despite the despair. Good on you.

The drinking, stopping eating and sense of pointlessness sound like depression. You might also be finding it hard if not impossible to make decisions.

First things first. You can and will improve things but you must get to a place where life is tolerable because it's impossible to move forward when you're in the utter depths of despair. Have you seen your GP for a diagnosis of depression yet?

AWholeLottaNosy Wed 05-Nov-14 19:54:26

I don't even have a Dr here, that's how bad my denial and lack of self care has been! Am going to register with local Dr here tomorrow and hopefully get some support. Will need to get over my sense of shame about asking for help. It's so much easier to be compassionate and objective about others than about yourself isn't it? Thanks for all the kind replies and not judging me.

hilbobaggins Wed 05-Nov-14 20:40:14

One small step at a time. Thats you have to do right now. Register and get an appointment. There is NO shame in asking for help but even if you still feel shame, so what? Do it anyway. The doc will have heard it all before. Part of being depressed is feeling that you're totally alone with this, but my GP told me that probably half the people in her waiting room were on ADs!! Do it and post an update here so we know how you're getting on.

Norfolkandchance1234 Thu 06-Nov-14 01:08:59

You've had a tough time of it. Go and register with a GP and speak about what's going on. Call MIND as well so you can have a good old chat about what's going on and how to move forward. Ask GP about NLP and CBT or anti depressants to get you through this difficult time. You've come on MN so you are starting the journey to taking your life back into your hands and controlling it a bit more. Nothing wrong with drawing the curtains, watching crap TV etc for a while till you are strong enough to make some choices. There is always a future but there is no hurry, wait till you are ready and the time is right and let us know how you are getting on.

Norfolkandchance1234 Thu 06-Nov-14 12:03:54

How are you feeling today OP?

AWholeLottaNosy Thu 06-Nov-14 13:08:15

Hi I'm feeling calmer and more positive today thanks. Going to stay with a friend over the weekend which will be good. Also tidied the living room up and sorted the kitchen out which helped. I'm off to buy the Ruby Wax book on mental illness and mindfulness this afternoon which may have some good ideas in. Thanks for asking!

Norfolkandchance1234 Thu 06-Nov-14 14:08:48

That's great have a lovely weekend, wishing you all the best.

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