HTT are handing me over

[EnpoTree]

Woop! Just got a call asking if I wanted to be visited today (er, no, ta) and telling me that they're about to call CMHT to hand me over to them. Finally getting off this daily checking up soon I hope

[EnpoTree]

Not that I'm not utterly convinced that they're a wonderful resource full of lovely people and very much essential and helpful to people who need their help and I'm sure I'm very lucky to have been offered such intensive support when there are so many people who would benefit so much from being supported in this way and would no doubt feel so much better for being visited in their hones and encouraged to take benzos but since it's not something which appears to help me (benzos I mean) I am just so glad to me being stepped down to a less panicstations form of help.

[EnpoTree]

Tempted to make up a song... to the tune of Holding Back The Ears (the bunnyfucking song, along with Bunny's Too Tight To Mention - wish I could remember where that came from )

[EnpoTree]

Ah, here we go (though it doesn't work on mobile).

[EnpoTree]

So today I don't have to be visited as I politely declined the offer meaning I can just go to the gym now.

[EnpoTree]

DP is watching old Doctor Who on which there's a hugely blown up PCB and I recognised the AMD logo on it - how sad am I? - and it's based in a "correction centre" where people are being given drugs and restrained and misled as to the nature of the drugs and it's all a bit so I'm off out

[Mitchy1nge]

I don't know what you have against benzos. I unzipped my gym bag (which is also my weekend/overnight bag) to find a contract and 3 packets of diazepam were clearly visible to the receptionist I think I just automatically put a pack in there whenever I go anywhere without checking. I don't even take it very often. It's just in case

[EnpoTree]

Total fuckingRAGE at stupid fucking gym based in stupid fucking school with stupid fucking two week timetable that changes every half term so the gym is supposed to get information about what tines the school need to use the gym and while I am fine with the fact that I pay slightly less for my gym because it isnin use by the school sometimes I NEED to know WHEN the gym is in use by the school and as it is so complicated they need to print upnthe tiny handouts for me to refer to every time. It was half term last week and they had the new November/December school use tines large time table printed on the wall but none if the little cards but when I went today and they said the school is using the gun they said it isn't their fault as the school doesn't tell them but they had the big timetable on the wall so that's bullshit. They could at least put it in the website. I should've spent ten minutes carefully copying the information off the wall poster for the sake of a couple of months I suppose but I just forgot today that the svhedules changed after half term and went to gym - now the timings of NY day are all fucked up and I wouldn't mind but t its the attitude of "ah well we can't do anything as the school don't tell us titter titter" WELL SORT YOUR FUCKING INFORMATION SHARING OIT YOU INADEQUATE BUNCH OF INCOMPETENT APATHETIC FUCKWITS AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH

[Mitchy1nge]

so do you already know the community team and your care coordinator or will they all be new to you?

[EnpoTree]

Of course I said none of this

[EnpoTree]

I have met one woman at CMHT who did an assessment.

[Mitchy1nge]

heh amusing cross post

I felt that pain one Saturday evening, closed at 6pm?

[EnpoTree]

I Mean when in went in during half term, they had the next term's school use tines printed out on the wall but none of the handouts. And nothing on the website.

[Mitchy1nge]

wet horses o'clock

yucky

later

[EnpoTree]

Enjoy :-D

Yeah I gave finally managed to extraxt closing times at weekends which are different to the website times - Saturday, 4pm, Sunday, 7pm

SO FUCKING ANNOYING and id been dropped off as it was raining but if course DP had left by the time I got out so had to wall home in the rain with the RAGE percolating through me in big angry bubbles. i think when I am feeling calmer I will write letters but for now I'm off to the gym AGAIN as I have a timetable now and they're free at three, so I will exert some RAGE on some gyn equipment

[EnpoTree]

Is it beyond the wit of fucking man for people to understand that people who want tonuse the facilities might need to know in advance what the convoluted timetable for the next two months is going to be? SURELY the school knows more than a day in advance what theirntinetable is going to be?

[EnpoTree]

And the blank looks of "not our fault" - it IS your fault! Chase the damn school for their timetables

[EnpoTree]

Nothing against benzos - just that they keep gibing me them and they don't help.

[EnpoTree]

Ahhhhh. Been to gym. Feel BETTER. DP doesn't usually see my post-workout self and is perturbed

Have sorted out the Mavis situation (cf thread passim) and off to see her straight after bath. My life is taking a turn for the better after the dodgy spurt where I tried to hitch-hike to Southampton and yelled in a rage down the phone at poor Mavis a few days ago.

[EnpoTree]

Hope nobody minds me using the MH boards for this thread and going on and on about shit. The great thing is that just like the stuff I write on paper, no one has to read it if they don't want to

[EnpoTree]

Its just that nobody I know in RL knows how awful and devastating the idea of hospital admission was for me and how scared I was and how much I needed to rant about it and here it felt safe to be ANGRY at the system and to SAY what I mean about how coercive treatment wrecks lives.

[EnpoTree]

Although some people of course later appreciate coercive treatment if they realise n hindsight they were not rational and were prevented from.doing something they're glad they didn't do

[EnpoTree]

So many grey shades. I don't believe there is such a thing as black or white.

[EnpoTree]

Because every colour (of pigment at least; light obviously is different) is actually brown. No purple paint is entirely free of yellow; no red free of yellow or blue.

[Mentalpsychiatrist]

Glad to see you tracked Mavis down!

[EnpoTree]

Yep going to see her this evening with DP sadly - unfortunately she kind of forgets about me sometimes when there's someone with a cock in the room which is irritating

Mitch, perhaps it depends on what the diazepam etc. is for - I've had it before for anxiety and it was nice and helpful - I had a bit of a problem with taking it too frequently as a teen
Posting now to avoid crashes, cont in next post