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Delayed response to stress or something else

(5 Posts)
RC1234 Sat 01-Nov-14 09:02:21

I have a stressful job but I am on maternity leave. At the moment I am planning on returning. I used to love my job but due to a variety of things (constant changing management, poor backup from other support areas, and a horrendous staff turnover) for the year leading up to me leaving I was surviving on adrenaline. Sometimes I am like yay I can do it and other times I just sit in heap holding my head. This is ridiculous as I am not due back for another 6 months. My DH notices that I am away with the fairies, however when I try to tell him he kind of wanders off. My parents are great but they say they don't know what to do. I don't think it is postnatal depression because it is so work centered. I can't seem to turn off and it is affecting my sleep. Sometimes I am so angry about how I was treated (which I totally bottled up at the time) when pregnant and before. However I don't even know if my anger is justified - maybe it is all normal and I have been spoilt. I can't talk openly at work because part of our job description is being positive at all times so I might get disciplined. In fact I almost did once when I was asked for an opinion on whether we could take on more of a certain type of urgent work for a new customer and I said no because the equipment had only just been fixed and we had a big backlog of equally urgent work and angry existing customers. However what if this is normal and I am depressed - leaving for good could make the anxiety worse. Thanks for listening.

skolastica Sat 01-Nov-14 09:07:20

Time away has given you perspective - it's clear from your post that work demands that you suppress a lot. Maybe the real question that is nagging at you is,' is it really worth it?'.

RC1234 Sat 01-Nov-14 09:24:05

I think the answer is no. I worked so hard to get there I guess maybe I am just in denial. I seem to be unable to take positive steps to leave - something everyone else seems to do quite easily. Thanks for your reply.

LastingLight Sat 01-Nov-14 11:53:19

Do you have to go back?

RC1234 Sat 01-Nov-14 14:34:24

No we could afford a career break. There are other employers and believing that the grass is greener elsewhere is what is keeping me going. However I am a total workaholic - something my current employer has loved to exploit and scared of being unemployed. It is so stupid - when people suggest it I sometimes get angry even though I know it would be better to jump now than have a breakdown later. I am scared of rejection by others hence I avoid opportunities like job hunting where this might occur. I just want someone to say I was like you and it got better for me and tell me how they did it.

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