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My ex partner

(9 Posts)
IndiansInTheLobby Thu 30-Oct-14 21:13:49

This is long so stick with me.

I was with my ex for 7 years. We were best friends and I loved him dearly. He had had a very difficult childhood and a complicated life but we were happy and worked hard to build a life together. There was no question that we would be together, we were soul mates. I fell pregnant with my ds and we were both delighted. However By this time his mental health problems had started to rise to the surface.

He had episodes of depression and moments of suffering severe anxiety. We worked through it and he would improve. Ds came along and the problems intensified until one day, out of the blue, he left. He didn't love me and he thought I was one of the reasons for his depression.

Nearly 2 years on and we have maintained a relationship for the sake of our child. He has been a bit of a let down as a father in that he's not been there or that interested, but I have no doubt he loves our son. He moved on to start another relationship, but he's still had problems with his depression.

I was pleased to hear he had started counselling, he was on medication and seemed to be working through his issues. That was until 2 weeks ago when he phoned me sobbing. He'd broken up with his girlfriend and his illness was frightening him.

Over the last couple of weeks he's come over to my house to see our son with me as he's not felt that he could have him alone. He was obviously poorly but talking things through with his councillor and doctor. Today he arrived on my doorstep an absolute mess. He wants to die. He sees no escape. He feels like his brain has shut down. He admitted to me that he's phoned the Samaritans, his mental health crisis team etc but no one is offering him help. I have contacted his best friend and parents (long story) to help him. Tonight he's taken himself with his dad to A and E on my advice. He wants to be sectioned as otherwise he will kill himself.

I'm a mess. What will happen to him? Will he ever get through this? I don't love him anymore and over the last 2 years he has hurt me terribly but I'm so worried about him. I'm so sad for my son and how he will cope in the long term if he does kill himself.

I'm posting really to find out what else we can do. How can he be helped? I only hear terrible things regarding being sectioned. Any knowledge or advice will be much appreciated. I feel hopeless and so distraught for him. He has been off work and they have been unsupportive. He doesn't see any way out apart from death.

Hassled Thu 30-Oct-14 21:20:29

I think you've done exactly the right things - A&E is the best place for him, and if he gets sectioned then that's what medical professionals will have decided he needs - you have to trust their judgement. You've been a very good friend to him, and should be proud of yourself.

lemisscared Thu 30-Oct-14 21:27:41

There isn't anything else you can do. It is HIS mental health, you have been a good friend, its up to him now. Hopefully he will get the help he needs from A&E and his family. It really isn't your responsibility and you have to look after your own mental health and your son. What ever happens you must know that his actions are not your fault. The fact that he is reaching out and asking for help suggests that he doesn't actually want to kill himself but feels anxious that he might, I have been in that situation myself, its very scary but i am still here. It is hard to get help but i really hope that he is reviewed and treated appropriately.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 30-Oct-14 21:31:23

Do they have to provide help for him now? He won't just be fobbed off surely. The sad thing is his parents could easily afford to pay for a psychiatrist but they won't. What happens to you when you are sectioned?

Thank you by the way. I feel helpless. He said to me today 'if I'm sectioned and lose my job how can I pay maintenance.' I need the maintenance don't get me wrong but I said to him his life and health is worth so much more to my son.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 30-Oct-14 21:33:03

Sorry for my lack of punctuation.

fluffydressinggown Thu 30-Oct-14 21:37:59

You can be admitted to hospital without being sectioned.

The Mind website has lots of information on crises and being sectioned.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 30-Oct-14 21:38:35

Thank you. I will have a read.

fluffydressinggown Thu 30-Oct-14 21:42:07

Sorry that sounded very cold.

You sound very caring and I hope your ex-partner gets the help he needs.

IndiansInTheLobby Thu 30-Oct-14 21:45:54

Don't worry, I didn't read it as cold. My dad suffers with depression and so I understand it more than many who haven't been through it themselves. He's come to me because he knows I get it and most around him really don't.

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