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Roller coaster of emotions

(2 Posts)
monkeytree Thu 30-Oct-14 20:29:49

Just wanted to get my thoughts/feelings down on paper. Three years ago I was diagnosed with infertility problems and told that due to my age and diagnosis I would probably not have and more dcs - 1 dc at this time who is now aged 8. By some miracle and against all odds after 2 years my dd was born (now aged 1) I then seemed to have chronic postnatal depression and hit a really really low point and was prescribed ads. The counselling I received around this time did not seem to help and due to bf and little dd needing an op I didn't continue taking them. I feel lonely most of the time despite making loads of effort to go to toddler groups etc. I seem to struggle to meet others on the same wave length as me and don't really enjoy my local group and travel up to 15 miles to find groups that I find more easy going. My dh and I have little family support my mother does very little and to be honest she and I don't have a close relationship. This means we/I have no respite from child care and dh and I don't go out as a couple. I am a full time sahm and wanted to make the commitment to my youngest dd to be there for her (previously I worked but long story the nature and hours of my job changed) and has made it really difficult to work and be there for my children. My dh works hard both at work and home but life seems to be a grind and ends up in arguments about who does the most which we both realise is futile. We are older parents me 40 dh in his 50's and I don't know whether this makes us even more tired than usual. I got quite down because It dawned on me that I could end up spending my retirement on my own due to my and dh's age difference. Thinking that I would like another child but actually that it would never happen, I have found out that I am pregnant! Early days and don't get me wrong delighted but also shocked that this has happened so quickly if at all following my diagnosis. Early days and scared of miscarriage so going for early scan. Wondering how I'm going to cope with all this change perhaps sounds naive but really didn't expect it to happen. Not sure what I am expecting anyone to say just wanted to get it all out of my head. Just wish I had more supportive people around me, I haven't slept through the night due to waking baby/pregnancy for nearly two years, yikes! I live in a fairly small place but suspect I would feel like this no matter where I lived (I feel like I'm existing on an island) and that effort is required on a daily basis to get out there and meet people. Really life at the moment is good if hard work just feeling all mixed up, overwhelmed and that anything of the former me has all but disappeared.

LastingLight Fri 31-Oct-14 13:22:21

Congratulations. smile Having 3 dc's will be taxing but also rewarding. Is it at all possible to pay a babysitter so that you and DH can be alone every now and again? You have to keep working on your marriage, for the sake of everybody in the family. How does DH feel about the pregnancy?

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