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feeling really trapped and lonely at uni, help please

(10 Posts)
catlovingdoctor Mon 29-Sep-14 18:46:53

Just that. In a miserable situation at the moment at uni- feel so lonely and friendless when everyone else around me is the opposite; want to leave this uni and go back home but if I do I can't ever do the course/career I really want, plus I've just started 3rd year so there would be funding problems to do another course. Everyone else has so many friends and I don't and I've tried but I haven't made many, like there are people I can kind of go out with once a week through my sport but nobody I can really text or actually have much of a bond with. I never clicked with my flatmates the past couple of years and thought I was going to transfer this summer to a uni nearer home but didn't so I live alone. I used to have what I thought was a best friend on the course but she doesn't give a shit about me anymore; she's got a new best friend so doesn't give me the time of day.

I Just want to get on a train home but if I do it's just all going to go to hell,not just for funding other courses but my dream to do medicine would definitely be over forever, and it's all I've wanted for the past four years I'm not on a medical degree but a science course which is good for applying to graduate medicine with. I've tried transferring into similar degrees at unis nearer home but no luck. Last year the course was really intense which I preferred because it kept me busy and kept my mind off my loneliness but this year it's just like a normal degree so I spend more time so far just wallowing. I bought a bottle of wine the other day and it's basically almost gone. Literally hate my life and the situation I'm in and I want to cry. I don't know whether to effectively give up on my dream so I can just go home and not be so alone and unhappy, or try and forget about it and struggle on so I can hopefully get a first and do graduate medicine. I'm sorry for the long post but I just need to rant and I really need some advice sad

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 29-Sep-14 18:53:04

I didn't want to read and run

Have you tried getting support from your student services?

And when you say you live alone, are you actually in your own flat or just with flat mates who you don't really get on with?


Smartiepants79 Mon 29-Sep-14 18:55:45

Well, uni must have only just started so firstly I would say try and stick it out at least a bit longer to adjust to being away from home again.
There must be some kind of student services that can give some help and advice. They must deal with it all the time. I'm sure that there will be others around you feeling very similar.
What about trying to find another group to join? Meet some new people? Another sport or 'hobby' type thing? In my experience university has a group for just about anything.
Or what about some volunteering/work?
It's hard to know as we don't know quite how bad you feel or how well you are able to cope with this stuff but my instinct is to say try and keep your eye on the prize at the end of the year.
If this is the path to your dream future just remember it is only one very small step. Less than one year of your life to get through and then you can do what you've always wanted to.

upandawayy Mon 29-Sep-14 19:06:45

Try your union. I left university over ten years ago but when I was so ill and lonely there I found a counsellor through the university; it was provided by the university.

I had no friends to speak of either in my final year and my boyfriend went to a uni in a different city. I spent a lot of time on my own. I know it sounds daft but what really helped was getting a hamster! I felt a lot less alone with her company. I wanted to leave and go home all the time but managed to stay and the job I do now requires a degree so I'm so glad I persevered. Do try your union though as they might have support for students that you could use.

catlovingdoctor Mon 29-Sep-14 19:07:31

I live alone; I never really clicked with my flatmates from the last couple of years and I thought I'd transfer to another uni so didn't rebook a flat with them. I thought living alone would help because I don't like cooking so I thought my own kitchen would be better. As it turns out I can't be bothered cooking so just eat nachos for dinner.

I'm in two sport societies and I can't do the one I love most this week because the person kind of in charge is just vile and I suspect she's pulling strings so I'm not involved. (I know I sound deranged but I'm honestly not).

I'm applying for jobs etc to keep me a bit more busy too. The thing is if I stay on it's this year and next year (it's a 4 yr course) and even then there's no assurance I'll get on to graduate med.

mumteedum Mon 29-Sep-14 21:00:20

Do speak to someone at uni. Ours has excellent support and mental health advisors. It may be that you'll be ok after some support. Possibly you might be able to take a year out ans defer, rejoining next year?

Don't suffer in silence though.

SeaOfBlue Mon 29-Sep-14 22:16:10

Sorry you're having a rubbish time at the moment OP <hugs>

As everyone else has said, definitely make use of your uni's support services - that is what they're there for. Lots and lots of people go through stuff like this at university so please don't think you're the only one.

You sound really proactive about joining clubs and looking for work, which is really really good. Are there any friends or family from home who you could invite to visit you for a weekend - that might give you a bit of a lift?

alemci Mon 29-Sep-14 22:30:19

sorry to hear you're so unhappy OP, can you bear it for another year and keep going. a part time job sounds good, have you any friends from your home town who could visit you so you have something to look forward to.

please keep posting smile

FishWithABicycle Mon 29-Sep-14 22:36:23

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment OP.
I had no "close" friends at University but had a reasonable social life through clubs & societies - this is an excellent time of year to join 4 or 5 more of course. Widen your horizons a bit, Universities often have some obscure ones - doesn't have to be sport. I was in a societies fair recently and there was a battle re-creation society, a chilli appreciation society, a model vehicles club and a model united nations club - but whatever you do - focus on the activity and enjoying it, not on identifying and linking up with a potential bestest friend. Being one of a big group who all have fun together is a better support than having one ultra-close friend. A group can rally round to cheer up the members who are feeling down as a group effort, and these large group friendships seem to be more resilient and longlasting through the decades than the teenage bosom-buddie pairings made in school.

catlovingdoctor Mon 29-Sep-14 23:20:25

thanks so much everyone, I'm going to try getting some shut eye and I'm definitely going to look at going home this weekend/ in a couple of weekends time, my friends back home and family are all busy and trains etc are expensive. The loneliness really hit me this weekend because we only just started the year so there wasn't really any work to do and I literally had no one to speak too until lectures today, plus the societies etc only run during the week. I will look at the uni counselling service too. Thanks once again everyone and I'll keep you updated (in the least narcissistic way possible)

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