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What kind of therapy to repair my relationship with ds(10)?

(14 Posts)
Oblomov Thu 14-Aug-14 17:24:00

I have recently been through the most awful experience of my life.
Ds1(10) was diagnosed as Aspergers - ASD a few years ago.
He treats me terribly.
It pinnacled in an incident recently, not with me. But he has since shouted and jeered at me telling me it was all my fault. His venom and hatred of me shocked me.

For the last 5 years I have struggled with him.
But he has treated me badly, speaks to me like I'm dirt for the last 4 years or so.

I come from a living family, love my dh, and have a good job, god self esteem, and I don't think I am depressed or anxious.

My GP arranged CBT for me, but I found it useless.

He gets no help from school. But please let a not go there on thus thread. I have exhausted all those issues on the SN boards, and no one has any real suggestions.

I spoke to CAHMs yesterday, but because he isn't depressed he doesn't meet the criteria for help.

My mum, who is a counsellor suggested I needed help. And he did too. But because he is only 10, they probably won't.
Certainly not on the NHS.
She suggested I pay privately for family therapist/ psychology expert.

but how do I find one?

Oblomov Thu 14-Aug-14 20:29:39


amyhamster Thu 14-Aug-14 20:32:37

As a counsellor wouldn't your mum know how to find one ?
You poor thing flowers

Oblomov Thu 14-Aug-14 20:38:22

Well, she has been retired for some time and lives quite a way away.

I wanted someone good, locally.
But not sure what I'm looking for.
Counsellor/ family therapist/ with SN knowledge?

Not so easy to find?

VirtualPointyHat Thu 14-Aug-14 21:10:28

maybe try this directory?

Very different issues, but where I found my therapist

Oblomov Thu 14-Aug-14 21:12:59

Thank you. Am on phone, but will take a look tomorrow.

orangina Thu 14-Aug-14 21:26:34

Whereabouts in the country are you based oblomov?

Oblomov Thu 14-Aug-14 21:29:41

North Surrey

BiggerYellowTaxi Thu 14-Aug-14 21:38:44

You can find chartered psychologists here. Not all qualified clinical or counselling psychologists are on there, just the ones who chose to be a member of the BPS. I hate how rubbish CAMHS provision is. I did a placement in a tier 2 CAMHS service which was all therapists but most areas don't seem to have these. Or maybe they do but GPs don't know about them.

orangina Thu 14-Aug-14 21:40:18

There is somewhere called the Lantern Family Centre in Bookham (I have no idea if that is remotely close to you, so sorry!) and something called the Surrey Autism Resource Centre in Godalming.... which might be able to point you in the right direction re: getting the right kind of help and/or support?

BTW, this is google-knowledge, not anything as helpful as first hand knowledge I'm afraid... if you do go down the private therapy route, I would go for someone who has done their NHS time (or is still doing it as well)... especially when dealing with children.

niminypiminy Thu 14-Aug-14 21:48:54

I have similar issues, though not as serious at the moment, with my DS1. It might be worth contacting the Tavistock Centre ( They are the specialists in the NHS on family therapy and parent-child mental health issues. You're not in their area but I think they take referrals.

orangina Thu 14-Aug-14 21:52:55

The Tavistock is brilliant but has the longest waiting list. Also, I'm not sure they take referrals from outside of their catchment area? If Oblomov's GP won't refer her/her DS to CAMHS, what chance of a referral to the Tavistock? this person looks as though she could be helpful, based in Leatherhead....?

niminypiminy Thu 14-Aug-14 22:18:29

Even if the Tavi can't help directly might still be worth contacting them to see if they will recommend or know of someone privately?

Oblomov Fri 15-Aug-14 05:38:35

Thank you.
Someone had mentioned the Tavistock. I will definitely follow that up.
My GP is supportive. And did re-refer ds1 to camhs, last month, but camhs wouldn't take him.

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