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awful shock. not sure I want to be here.

(310 Posts)
Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 01:17:04


I was going to namechange but can't be bothered.

Just received a very upsetting email from a close relative (not the relative being abusive. I get on with them and love them. It's just the email contained some very upsetting news).

The last few years have been hard. My parents split up and there were lots of complications. Just as it looked as if things might get better I get this bomshell.

I am sorry. I know that I am being irritatingly cryptic but I have to get something out now or I will take an overdose or cut or something (I have cut in my life but have an urge to now). This is something which could destroy our family. I have already been struggling with depression but am on tablets and coping day to day. Generally feel ok. Now this. If I can think of ways to put details up without identifying myself I will but this is terrible and I am so sick of it.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

FlossyMoo Wed 13-Aug-14 01:26:01

Hello Raft I am here for a while if you want to chat smile

unrealhousewife Wed 13-Aug-14 01:35:37

Hello Raft, is there anything more you can tell us? Might help to get it off your chest. thanks

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 01:35:49

Thank you so much smile

I am not sure what to say. I am very confused and bewildered. I wrote this poem ages ago about struggling against the odds and feel that I should be taking inspiration from it and yet I can't.

My dad's partner might be leaving him soon (will call her Carol). I don't thnk he knows. I can probably say that because it is very common and won't necessarily out me. This will have a lot of pretty horrible consequances. The last few years have been bad. I had a lot of positive things to think of it so they pushed out the bad things iyswim. Not any more though.

Please excuse the typos. I don't usually make mistakes.

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 01:36:26

Thank you Unreal thanks

unrealhousewife Wed 13-Aug-14 01:37:55

If your Dad's partner leaves how do you think that might affect you?

FlossyMoo Wed 13-Aug-14 01:39:26

There will still be positives Raft it's just that this news has taken over your thoughts so the positives become invisible.

Do you have any professional support?

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 01:44:44

I am really sorry. I just don't want to be here. Why are families so complicated?

FlossyMoo Wed 13-Aug-14 01:48:48

Because we can't pick em Raft

You leaving now won't stop what is happening in your family it will make it harder for them. There is a way through it but it is just difficult to see sometimes.
You have only just received this news you have to give yourself time to take it in. You don't have to apologise on here Raft flowers

unrealhousewife Wed 13-Aug-14 01:49:13

Families are complicated because where you expect love sometimes you get something very different. It's completely normal to feel awful when this kind of thing happens. Do you live with your Dad?

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 01:54:02

No I live with my mum. The email from my relative asked me not to tell her. I think this was misguided kindness but I can't hide it from her.

I am thinking of ways to share the story but I will have change a lot of details/identities so if anything is inconsistant it's because I'm being cautious.

I know I can't really leave and I probably won't. I will try not to anyway

Thank you both.

unrealhousewife Wed 13-Aug-14 01:56:40

I always go with the feeling that telling someone the truth is better than keeping things to yourself. Do you have a good relationship with your Mum? How do you think she will take this news?

FlossyMoo Wed 13-Aug-14 01:58:45

If putting down what has happened will help then change as many details as you feel but you don't have to say what is going on. We can offer you support without knowing what is happening.

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 02:05:16

If I tell her the news she will be upset but she will be even more upset if I don't.

My parents seperated six years ago and divorced about a year ago. I am 29. My sister and I were affected by it very badly. I think my sister more so. She is younger than me. She is the one who sent the email. My dad had a child with his new partner. She is three.

FlossyMoo Wed 13-Aug-14 02:10:49

I don't think it is something you can keep from he but it is not something you can tell her tonight.

Relationships do break down and it is devastating for all concerned but the responsibility is not yours to shoulder Raft. It sounds like you have had a really tough time.

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 02:20:33

No I won't tell her tonight. She would feel guilty anyway. She instigated the divorce. Nothing sinister. Just two people falling out of love after being married a long time. I would rather my parents were seperated than unhappy but it looks like my dad is due to be unhappy again. Also don't know how much I'd see of my little sister if they seperated.

I know this doesn't sound like much but there is a lot more to it. I would have to explain six plus years of things coherently and succintly.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Aug-14 02:21:40

Hi Raft you don't need to keep secrets for anyone if it's hurting you to so that. Equally, it's not your job to make sure everyone is OK. Do you have people you can talk to in RL?

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 02:26:50

Yes I do thanks I want to stop caring about people. I want to switch my brain off. I can't get depressed again. I was making too much progress.

Cinnamoncookie Wed 13-Aug-14 02:30:32

It's hard that this has been told to you as a secret. Is it something where you have any chance to affect an outcome ? If not, I think maybe that's even more difficult because you have to stand by, whilst knowing about it.

Don't feel pressure to reveal details, just say whatever is going to help you right now

DoubtfireDear Wed 13-Aug-14 02:32:37

Hi Raft don't feel like you need to keep this all to yourself. Can you talk to the sister who sent the email? Maybe you can break the news to your mum together? Why do you think she will be upset?

None of this is your fault or your responsibility, though I can understand why you feel upset and pressured.


ChubbyKitty Wed 13-Aug-14 02:35:02

Hello raft. If keeping the news bottled up will hurt you more then don't feel you have to. It may all come out in the end anyway, in which case you would have kept it in for nothing. However, if you feel it would be too hard or painful to tell your mum then that's fine too. I would maybe let things sink in for yourself for a little while first? Say a day or two, then when you've processed it you might feel better about discussing the matter with your mum.

I'll be here for a while yet so can chat if it will helpsmilebrew

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 13-Aug-14 02:36:40

You have made so much progress and bumps in the road are part of that. Do you have strategies for 'switching off'? Reading, meditation or yoga, puzzles (my thing), exercise?

Raftofdeterminationandlove Wed 13-Aug-14 02:36:50

Yes I think that's it Cinnamon. I have no way to affect the outcome. My sister has not behaved particularly well but I think understandably so. It's a bit like when someone loses a parent and goes off the rails afterwards. It doesn't excuse the bad behaviour but it's sort of understandable. Unfortunately her actions might have affected this bad news.

I miss my old family. I'm mourning it. Does that stupid?

ChubbyKitty Wed 13-Aug-14 02:43:05

Not stupid at all, not to me anyway. If things were better the way they were before then you're bound to miss it.

mrsbrownsgirls Wed 13-Aug-14 02:43:33

no, not stupid at all.
change is hard

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