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What to do now

(55 Posts)
violetsrblue Sat 03-May-14 06:16:00

Just posting here for advice and information. My son (39) split up from his partner nearly 2 weeks ago. They have 2 young children. He was drinking heavily and went into hospital for detox, coming out 4 days ago.

I have been staying in a hotel room with him since he left his family home. I am hundreds of miles away from my own home, but I don't want to leave him on his own, his mental and physical state is fragile.

He has been going out and walking around on his own in the afternoon/evening/night. He says he meets up with people. I don't believe he is drinking (yet). He has been coming back to the room around 3 am, though the first night was 6 am.

My concern is for him as a vulnerable adult. He stills looks and is, in a bad way mentally and physically.

I understand he is an adult and I can't control his choices.

At 5 a.m. today I phoned the police for advice and they will look for him, as a missing person, and/or vulnerable adult I think. They mentioned adult social services, but I don't know what to say if I contact them.

I have been trying to persuade him to travel back to my place with me and stay for a couple of weeks, but he doesn't want to be so far away from his children (who he has seen twice since it happened).
Sorry this is so long and thanks to anyone reading this, feeling increasingly worried about him, and also myself (I have some mh issues).

violetsrblue Sat 31-May-14 20:17:44

This morning I was mean to the dog, not that mean but I swore at her, my own DDog who I love. DS thought I meant him, I said just get in there, you little shit, and he thought I meant him. I hate this. He is out now but has to be back by 11 pm. I'm drinking now. I hate that I swore at my dog but he thought I meant him.

violetsrblue Sat 07-Jun-14 11:04:31

Thought I would post an update. Things seem to be better, though this process is very up and down. DS is going to AA and has his appt for specialist help next week. I do actually feel proud of him today for the emotional work he's putting in. I'm trying to find better ways of handling stress other than rage or drinking..considering going back to counselling. His DDog is so happy to be here, it's nice to see. Though found out yesterday DDog2 has cataracts in both eyes..he also has a wonky back leg..thinking of him as a bit of a wounded soldier.

AgentZigzag Sat 07-Jun-14 17:35:51

Slowly but surely eh? smile

I can't help but laugh at DDog2 with his wonky leg grin bless him. Sometimes I 'bark' an order something at either our DDog or the DDs and nobody's sure who I'm talking to grin

Your DS sounds as though he's making a real effort, that's so good. Like you say, it's up/down constantly. The hard bit is remembering it'll go back up when you're in a trough.

AgentZigzag Fri 13-Jun-14 23:51:37

How's your week gone chuck? cake wine

violetsrblue Sat 14-Jun-14 22:05:49

Hi Zigzag, it's nice of you to ask, thanks! We've had some hellish days when I have just felt an awful rage and then I just switch off..a couple of times I have got pissed myself when he's gone out.

But also there have been some good days. Him going to AA really helps both of us. He's had some Skype contact wirh his daughter, and I have started to do things like go back to voluntary work. It's really up and down still, but I feel more normal - maybe I'm detaching a bit, in a good way.

The wonky-eyed/legged dog is a good distraction and focus! Though sometimes it feels like we're all in a weird play-for-today type thing.

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