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Counselling - should I?

(6 Posts)
Thegianttap Fri 28-Mar-14 08:16:01

Brief history: divorced parents when I was nine years old (not sure this is relevant or not), married with three children, mild PND after first two, more PND after the third with anxiety and insomnia being the main problems. Then had some amazing CBT counselling on the NHS (18 months later - perhaps too late). Then when the third child was two-and-a-half DH had a brief affair (mostly just over Facebook, they met once - she was a cousin of my niece). She had also befriended me on Facebook and seemed fascinated with my life too (she was just really annoying to me!). I obviously hadn't known that she was also talking to DH. It was devastating and the effect it had on him was quite big, it had been a complete cliche middle-aged flattery thing. He stopped it straight away. We went to couples counseling which was really good but this big 'thing' in our relationship didn't really go away. I've always had problems with low self-esteem and anxiety (I have some really odd phobias) and it got much worse after this and is really still not good - I am constantly panicking that we're going to split up, I get quite panicky when away from home and one of my phobias is much worse than it used to be. Since the affair happened I've been coping with filling my time with work and study and constant activities until 10pm most nights. He does too (he works about 11 hours a day). I lead quite a stressful life, which mostly I thrive on (I'm doing a degree and working freelance). But we had a long talk yesterday and he thinks I need to have some individual counseling to stop the stress and constant anxiety I feel (my stomach is almost permanently in knots, sleep isn't that good a lot of the time, I feel like a spring wound up about to explode). Should I do it? Will it help? The counseling I had after my youngest was born was fantastic. But once it stops... then what? Sorry for the long ramble.

LastingLight Fri 28-Mar-14 09:40:15

I agree with your DH, especially if counselling has helped you before. The point should be to help you develop coping strategies that you can use after counselling stops. In general it sounds as if you should slow down a little and spend some quality time with your DH. A marriage is not a marriage if both partners are busy with their own separate lives 24/7.

Thegianttap Fri 28-Mar-14 10:23:34

Very true but I can't see DH slowing down, he has a very stressful job (he copes much better with stress than me). He's actually been looking to change jobs for about two years now but is in a bit of a vicious circle - no time to look and nothing local. A big part of the problem is that we don't spend much time together and I feel a lot as if all my troubles are on my shoulders alone. He's so tired in the evenings and just wants to zone out with TV, I'm still working or studying in the evenings.

I have no idea how to go about finding counselling - there are these lovely-looking websites for local places but how on earth do I choose? Last time it was arranged by the GP and it just happened! I had a lovely counsellor who was brilliant. The couples counselling was through Relate so easy to arrange again. Perhaps I am just procrastinating. I don't know.

LastingLight Fri 28-Mar-14 10:29:40

Maybe ask if your gp can recommend someone?

Thegianttap Fri 28-Mar-14 10:33:43

Sounds daft but I didn't even think of going to the GP.

SilverStars Fri 28-Mar-14 15:53:23

Gp can arrange some but depends what you want and how long you want it. If do not have a young baby most sessions are limited to 6-8. Would that be what you want? Also you would need to let the gp now what you wanted so could refer to correct place. As there are different options.

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