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(256 Posts)
HugAndRoll Tue 25-Mar-14 21:16:47

Help I am having a mental breakdown. I need help. I've been self harming, have a plan to kill myself but not a timeline. I have a GP appointment on Friday but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't know what to do.

I posted a little while ago under a name change slipperyslopetodestruction but I can't be bothered to change now. I don't care anymore.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 26-Mar-14 18:49:15

Have you eaten anything? Can you have a cup of tea and nibble on something?

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 18:52:31

I had dominoes cookies and felt sick. I've not been eating well if I'm honest. Those cookies, a cereal bar, a banana and two bites of sausage Monday-Today. Every time I eat I have strong urges to throw it back up. I'm overweight though (11.13 and 5 foot 7) so it doesn't matter.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 26-Mar-14 20:47:35

That's hardly any food! Could you have something quick and easy like beans /scrambled egg on toast?

Just cookies on an empty stomach will give you a big sugar crash and make you feel worse.

Your weight puts you in the healthy range for bmi so please don't starve yourself. If you want to lose a little bit of weight you can but you need to look after your mental/emotional weight first. That's most important.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 26-Mar-14 20:48:40

*health not weight

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 23:10:44

I can't face eating. I will say this on Monday.

I saw a friend for a couple of hours which was good. I can already feel my mood crashing again though.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Thu 27-Mar-14 08:12:16

I'm sorry things are so tough at the moment. Being told you're fat really can't help with the eating but as Gunpowder says, you're a healthy weight.

Do you think you could manage soup?

HugAndRoll Thu 27-Mar-14 16:49:11

I've had a couple of bites of Easter egg and a digestive biscuit. I know it's not healthy but it's better than nothing.

I'm not a soup fan at the best of times so I think it would make me feel sick.

I'm just counting down to Monday.

ColouringInQueen Thu 27-Mar-14 19:00:29

Hi hug that's great that you met up with a friend for a couple of hours - good for you. Take it easy now - I found when I was really poorly that socialising was exhausting.

Tea and toast have any appeal. Like you're doing, little snacks is fine - and fruit or peanuts or cheese or whatever you can face eating, will all help as it will keep your blood sugars up....

take care

HugAndRoll Thu 27-Mar-14 19:21:35

It is exhausting. I'm hoping to just watch a film tonight when both children are in bed.

ColouringInQueen Thu 27-Mar-14 20:13:12

Sounds like a good plan. I am on sofa with tv!

HugAndRoll Thu 27-Mar-14 21:12:21

I'm watching American Psycho. I've also eaten some toast and chocolate buttons. All in all a positive evening. I'm still low but haven't self harmed today which is a really great step in the right direction.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Thu 27-Mar-14 21:13:52

It's a fantastic step. Good on you, Hug.

HugAndRoll Fri 28-Mar-14 03:02:14

Things are always most bleak during these hours.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Fri 28-Mar-14 03:08:52

Hi Hug. Talk to me. How was American Psycho?

HugAndRoll Fri 28-Mar-14 12:22:52

Sorry, I ended up messaging a friend. American Psycho was good thank you.

HugAndRoll Sat 29-Mar-14 11:00:23

I think I know what I need to do. I'm never going to be truly happy living like this. I have no idea how to do it, I know I'm going to be the evil person and there will be lots of upset and anger.

Do I forsake my happiness for someone else's?

EmpressOfJurisfiction Sat 29-Mar-14 12:03:43

Can you just wait until Monday? It's not very long. Just see if the GP can help you.

HugAndRoll Sat 29-Mar-14 12:17:57

Sorry, I meant end my marriage, although ending my life is what will eventually happen if I don't manage to free myself.

I don't know how. I'm not financially secure, I'm going to break his heart if I do. I just don't know what to do.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Sat 29-Mar-14 12:23:48

Oops sorry.

Absolutely end your marriage. He's not supporting you, he's not caring for you.

HugAndRoll Sat 29-Mar-14 12:25:49

He's been so much better this week but I just feel it's too little too late.

How do I do it?

HugAndRoll Sat 29-Mar-14 19:48:15

I ended up having to talk to Samaritans today and I also self harmed again.

Monday can't come soon enough. H has been more supportive this week. Maybe our chat has helped. Time will tell, obviously I hope so.

I have been tempted to ask to be hospitalised but that's not what's best for my children. I am relying heavily on friends at the moment though and realise I am at risk of becoming a burden to them.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Sat 29-Mar-14 20:29:56

Well done for calling Samaritans Hug. It is not long until Monday. We are all rooting for you. flowers

HugAndRoll Sat 29-Mar-14 20:45:11

Thank you. It helps to know I can write on here.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Sat 29-Mar-14 23:35:07

It helps a lot of us knowing we can write on here. And yes, good on you for calling the Samaritans.

HugAndRoll Sun 30-Mar-14 00:31:16

Why are the nights so hard?

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