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(256 Posts)
HugAndRoll Tue 25-Mar-14 21:16:47

Help I am having a mental breakdown. I need help. I've been self harming, have a plan to kill myself but not a timeline. I have a GP appointment on Friday but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't know what to do.

I posted a little while ago under a name change slipperyslopetodestruction but I can't be bothered to change now. I don't care anymore.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 25-Mar-14 21:22:32

Hug i'm so sorry you feel like this. Please contact The Samaritans

I know things feel bleak for you but try to remember this feeling is temporary. Things will be better in the future.

Do you want to talk about how you feel?

ColouringInQueen Tue 25-Mar-14 21:28:27

hug if you have a plan and have started making preparations you should get yourself to a&e or ring someone irl who can help you stay safe.

The Samaritans are great too, ring them on 08457 90 90 90

as Gunpowder says, these are your thoughts right now. They're not for always, and they're not the true you. Hang in there and keep yourself safe. take care

HugAndRoll Tue 25-Mar-14 22:11:07

I have a helpline number I'm going to ring when my h goes to bed. I'm just staring at the TV until then.

ColouringInQueen Tue 25-Mar-14 22:11:57

tv is a good plan. Hang in there til you can make that call.

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 00:53:55

I've woken up. I know I need to ring the number but I don't have the energy.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Wed 26-Mar-14 01:02:29

Hi Hug. Do you have the energy to chat? I have a suicide plan of my own so I know how it feels. The GP appointment is absolutely the right thing to do - if you can hold out til then they really should be able to help.

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 02:16:52

I tried to ring them but was on hold for 15 mins with no answer so I gave up.

I feel like I can't breathe again. I'm lucky I've been texting a RL friend but it's late and I'm sure they want to sleep. I'm downstairs and all I can think about is how close
I am to the kitchen which is where the medicines are. And the knives.

I can fight the suicidal urges for now, it's the cutting urges I'm struggling with more.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 26-Mar-14 07:58:51

How are you feeling today? Do you think you could get an on the day GP appointment for today?

EmpressOfJurisfiction Wed 26-Mar-14 08:10:15

I hope you got some sleep, Hug.

How are you this morning?

ColouringInQueen Wed 26-Mar-14 09:15:49

Morning hug thinking of you today.

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 10:40:14

I'm going to the GP now. I'll post later. Thank you.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Wed 26-Mar-14 11:10:50

Good. Let us know how it goes.

lottieandmia Wed 26-Mar-14 11:12:57

I am sorry you are in a bad place right now. But please believe me when I say that there will come a day when you will feel really different and you must try to hold onto that. I know because I have been there myself. I am glad I got better and now I am happy to be here. Please take take of yourself and keep knocking on doors until you get the help you need xx

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 26-Mar-14 11:55:36

So glad you are going to the GP. That is a brilliant first step. Let us know how it goes if you can.

EmpressOfJurisfiction Wed 26-Mar-14 11:59:14

And there are a LOT of people here who get it, Hug. All ready to listen and share.

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 14:24:34

The GP said that they were in two minds regarding hospitalisation. They decided that my children were enough of a deterrent to following through with my plan.

I have an appointment with the crisis team on Monday morning. I've got diazepam to take at night together with my usual anti d's. The problem is I can't see the other side of this. Someone is going to be hurt and it's easier if that's me.

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 14:55:19

If I died would my children remember or are they young enough to forget? They're nearly 2 and 6.

Deadswan Wed 26-Mar-14 14:58:17

Can you call the crisis team and tell how do you feel?

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 15:02:29

It's my initial appointment with them on Monday. I don't have anyone to call.

This is never going to get better.

buttonortwo Wed 26-Mar-14 15:04:01

You do not want to leave that legacy for your children and you know it. Can you take a diazepam?

EmpressOfJurisfiction Wed 26-Mar-14 15:28:46

They'd remember.

Going to the GP was a really important step and it's great that you have the appointment Monday. I've been on Citalopram for a couple of months now and the thing that's made the biggest difference to me was starting counselling on the NHS last week. Six solo sessions and then I have a place with a support group but I did have to make quite a bit of noise to get that far.
I know how it feels. I do. And talking to people on here has also been a huge help for me. Would you feel comfortable telling us a bit more about you and what's going on?

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 16:08:19

link to other thread

This says a lot of what's going on. I know I don't want to do that to my children but I feel like I'm going to be desperately unhappy forever.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Wed 26-Mar-14 17:45:43

Just read your other thread. I'm so sorry things are so hard for you at the moment.

You won't feel like this forever. It might take some time but things will get better.

You don't need to do anything now, can you watch some tv and distract yourself this evening with some TV and then take a diazepam?

We are all thinking of you and wishing you well.

HugAndRoll Wed 26-Mar-14 17:51:34

Thank you. I'm half watching a film, it's nearly over though. I've been in bed all afternoon as I can't face the world.

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