What else can I do? Anxiety and vomiting

[monstersinmyhead]

NC

I vomit every single day. I wake up, I feel nauseous, it doesn't go away until I physically vomit. It only happens on working days. Never on weekends, never in holidays. I've been living with this for four years now.

It was triggered at my last horrible workplace. I was bullied. I was depressed, suicidal. Left the place as my health was more important. I got a new job, my dream job, I love it. But the vomiting continues. Every. Single. Morning.

I tried self-help at first. Tried out different foods / not eating in the evenings. Didn't help, my body always manages to get something up. I tried ginger biscuits. I tried positive thinking. I tried talking myself into how silly it was. I tried fooling my mind telling myself it was the weekend. Nothing worked.

Then I had a breakdown and I confined into a nurse at work. She was the first person bar DH to have been told about this. With her help I went to my GP. Tried four different sets of medication. Nothing worked, and yes I tried each of them for two months time to see if they had any effect.

I have been having counselling for almost six months now and nothing is working. Relaxation breathing is making me feel worse. Even though it was triggered at my last workplace it could go further back with my childhood. But nobody can work out why exactly, not even me, and the vomiting continues.

I absolutely can't control it. I wake up between 5 am and 5.30 am and the nausea is instantly there. I can't just shake it off, it only goes after I vomit and I can get on with my day.

Please tell me there is any help. I can't deal with this anymore. I can't continue my whole working life like this, being sick every morning. I love my job and I want to do well, but I feel so down about it all that I am sometimes close to packing it all in and handing in my resignation. But I know that would be running away and it won't solve the root of the problem. It would make things worse, especially financially. DH is suggesting hypnosis, not sure about it. Please, any help appreciated.

[Iamamazedicope]

Poor you , this sounds torturous . It sounds like your counselling isn't working . Have you tried CBT?

[monstersinmyhead]

Thanks. I am currently doing CBT, but not working at all. I really don't know what else to do. I wish there was a magic cure somewhere, but I am at my wits end.

[SilverStars]

If the nausea is caused by work stress and the councselling has not worked then perhaps time to go back to gp? 6mth of counselling should usually show improvement and it may be that it needs a physical treatment or a change in other areas. Therapy cannto treat all things sadly and is not always the answer. Have you asked your go for referral for physical tests. Am not a physical dr but is there something else going on? Would being signed off work ill make any difference?

What does the counsellor say? After 6m with no change what do they plan to do? Or accept that the treatment is not right for your condition if it is not? Cbt sounds a good treatment to have tried.

Or could you talk to work and see of they can make any adaptations to your role that may help? You say it may go back t childhood but when not at work there is no issue? So dealing with work or approach to work may be an area to focus on? Just thinking outloud.

Hypnosis may well be worth a few sessions - not too much to lose I do not think anyway. I have never tried it but have used things like acupuncture with great effect despite my initial skepticism.

[somersethouse]

monsters, poor you.
I can empathaise in a small way. I had a very stressful time recently and for 6 months during that time I had exactly as you describe, it was most odd. I would wake up very early, vomit, knowing I would have to and would feel fine afterwards. I hated it. I tried so hard not to, I was worried about my teeth more than anything as it is so bed for them.

Eventually the doctor stuck a tube down my throat and found a hiatus hernia, Acid reflux disease and a ripped oesphagus. The latter caused by vomiting, the reflux disease and hernia causing the vomiting.

I think it sounds like something physical to be honest, bought on by stress and now it is just making itself worse if you see what I mean.

I hope that helps in some way. I do feel for you.
I had tablets for 5 weeks and it went almost instantly I started taking them.

Take care x

[monstersinmyhead]

Thanks for taking time to reply, it means a lot.

To answer your questions:

The current counselor is saying nothing yet as he is newish. I had different counselling before, but we stopped as it didn't work and I tried another path.

My headteacher knows. Outing myself here as a teacher now. I have a small leading role, something I've always wanted. He gave me time off for doctors appointments when I confined to him with the help of the nurse. But I can't take any other changes without a big financial impact, as in dropping hours and losing my position, which I simply can't afford.

The thing is, I love my role and my job and I feel like also I need it to keep a purpose. Without it, I'd be a social outcast without friends and family and going to work means I go out, I talk to people and I do a job I love. I can even deal with the stress teaching comes with, deadlines and paperwork have never been a problem.

I could get signed off via GP, but that would be running away from the problem. I know I wouldn't vomit if I was signed off, the only day I didn't vomit during a working week in the last years was the strike day when I knew I wasn't going to go in. And then I obviously never vomit in school holidays which gives me such longed after respite. But I couldn't stay signed off forever, so someday I'd have to face going back and vomiting.

My family was brought in, as my mum is/was a bully. I haven't spoken to her in ten years. She has treated me badly when younger and it seems to be a chapter in my past that I haven't got full closure with. It was discussed in great depth during counselling, but just talking about it and trying to move on hasn't helped. The idea was mum - bully, me feeling like a failure lying dormant for years, been brought out again at school that I was bullied at when the trigger switch was turned on. It makes sense, but again not making it better. Hence DH suggested hypnosis to see if there is anything else that I can't remember / put to the back of my mind.

I haven't had physical tests yet. I'm scared. I don't want them to find anything wrong with me and to be honest, I don't think that's the answer, as I am fine during holidays and on weekends.

[monstersinmyhead]

Thanks somers, cross posted.

I will have a look into it, maybe it is physical. Would it make sense though that I only vomit when going to work and never in the school holidays and on weekends?

[somersethouse]

Well,it is weird, although I had what turned our to be a physical problem (brought on, or at least not helped, by stress), when I went away to see my brother for a week in the UK in January, before anything was diagnosed, I was fine!

So strange, as I definitely had the physical problem at the time, the doctor said so, I knew so, but relaxing and being happy and away from my 'issues' made it SO much better. It would probably have been temporary, but for the week I was away, I was fine.

[monstersinmyhead]

Thanks again. Knowing that someone had something similar and overcome it gives me hope.

I suppose it's time to go back to the GP again. Tube doesn't sound nice, but maybe that could be it?!

[Megbeth]

Have you tried taking Motilium 10 for the nausea? If you took it as soon as you wake it might alleviate the vomiting. I'd say the hypnotherapy might be worth a go. It sounds like your body had been 'tuned' to feel nauseous before work maybe as a coping mechanism to stress.

[Reastie]

Wow, OP I'm so sorry for your situation, how awful. I'm thinking maybe a different model of counselling, or just a different therapist. I've had CBT twice with 2 different therapists, one didn't help me at all and the other has made a great difference to my life. Also, you may need more than 2 months to really reap the benefits of medication.

I found with my CBT that things did get worse before they got better, so maybe you have to get through that and not think that it's not working because it's worse.

Second taking motilium, maybe if you took something to physically stop you being sick it would bread the pattern and habit which might be enough to start you afresh and rid this habit. I truly do think it's something that you can get over in time, 4 years is a long time to be sick every morning, but it's not a lifetime and things can get better.

[monstersinmyhead]

Thanks for the suggestions.
I think on Thursday, when I have my next counselling appointment, we are due to discuss a way forward anyway, as in change counseller, change to a different model or whatever next.
I will also make an appointment with the GP as maybe there could be something physical. I suppose daily vomiting for such a long time has surely had an affect on my inners by now, so better get it checked out, even if the root is / was mental.

[BigPawsBrown]

It sounds to me like you wake up think it's a work day, believe you're going to vomit and the strength of your belief causes you to do so. I am not sure why CBT isn't working for you as it really should help to confront these thoughts but it seems to me that you really need to start believing that you're not going to vomit.

[inthetide]

I have recently come across david Berceli's ebook on trauma release exercises (you can get it free on a 30 day trial of scribd). Not something I had ever heard of before until a friend described her experiences of trying them out. The theory is that vertebrates all have a neurological mechanism of releasing pent-up tension and stress by tremoring our muscles. You often see it in the wild but our social sensibilities see it as a weakness in humans. He describes some really easy exercises which elicit the tremors and you just go with it. I tried it and found them profoundly releasing, both physically and mentally. But very bizarre at the same time. They are used to treat everything from PTSD to everyday stress. Definitely worth a try as they are relatively harmless with the caveat that they may elicit pent up emotions in you that you haven't processed from your previous job.