Not at peace in my head

[Mrswellyboot]

Don't know why I am writing this here but for weeks and weeks I have had a lot of anxiety and worry. The thoughts consume me most of the day.

I had a baby six months ago and was feeling great but just latey (maybe two months) I feel eaten up with bad feelings. I feel a mixture of sadness and a bit if guilt. Even silly things run through my head like I made a fool of myself dancing on my wedding day (years ago)

I have a great dh but my very strained relationship with mother, but its the best it can be (false but looks normal on the surface)

Also two close friendships have gone. One due to normal enough reasons - she's single and mingles in different circles. The other I had to let go as she was critical and left me feeling so low after meetings. (This is where my guilt lies). I feel a lot if anger towards my mother but she is sick and I have a good relationship with my brother and father who are supportive but sweep everything under the carpet.

I can't go to the GP as I don't want it on my record. I honestly don't know what to do. My problems are small. They are in my head. I wish I could turn them off.

[JenBehavingBadly]

First thing, is that I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling so good. What you're describing could be the result of general lack of sleep and big life changes, but it also could be a sign of PND which isn't so great.

If you don't want to talk to your GP could you talk to your health visitor instead?

Going to your GP isn't anything to worry or be ashamed about. PND is so common, no one would bat an eyelid, honestly. Even if they could refer you for some counselling that would be a help for you to work around some of the feelings you have about your relationship with your mum.

[SilverStars]

A HV is a place to start as they work with women with young babies who are usually not working, as on mat leave, exhausted and more isolated due to being with a baby and not able to do what they did ore-babies. S they will know what is common and what needs urgent help and intervention and what could benefit from medication or talking treatments or more support from them or a children's centre support worker.

If you go to a gp you are right everything will be recorded. If you want talking therapy then you can go private if you can finance it and thus everything is off the record. For medication you will need a gp, however issues with family and friends cannot be changed by medication though if you have a post natal depression medication can help.

When I had a young baby I felt so lonely. Not at work but did not have many baby friends so felt weird. Going to organised taught baby sessions helped me the most. A structure and a purpose to the day helped. Sadly friendships changed for me when chikdren's appeared. Hope you can get lots of rest, sleep makes things less stressful and less magnified sometimes.

[Mrswellyboot]

Thank You so much Jen
It is a big change. I am used to a very busy workload and social life and now spend most of the week on my own, though I get out and about, it's not meaningful conversation.

I also tend to avoid supermarkets when I know I will bump into people as its hard work.

I am due back to work soon so that will probably be good for me. I could say it to the health visitor as they have often asked if I'm ok but I was ok at the time. Also I hate admitting things to people.

Thank God for mumsnet but I think I need to get back into real life living