Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Think DP may be depressed but can't receive help

(3 Posts)
p0mb34r Thu 13-Mar-14 11:18:09

I've been going out with DP for two years. During this time he has become increasingly down. We're both at uni and about to graduate. It's now to the extent that I don't think he even gets up in the day because he just lacks the motivation to even look after himself. We have our dissertation (worth 30% of the course) and various other bits of work due in the next three weeks which I just don't think are going to happen.
He doesn't know why he's so down or what is causing it. He's decided he doesn't want children any more because 'he doesn't want to pass his genes on' and we're currently 'on a break' because he can't fathom out what is wrong or what is making him sad.
I might just be making excuses for him wanting to go on a break but to me he seems depressed and I've encouraged him to get help, which he seems to accept he needs.
However, the only thing he gets out of bed for is his hobby involving guns and the prospect of continuing his career in the military after uni. Obviously if he went for help for his depression it would be logged; his guns taken off him; he wouldn't be allowed to shoot and his military career would be over so he is adamant he won't go. At the same time if he did receive help his degree marks would be viewed in a better light, so he wouldn't be stuck for jobs potentially and it would get his parents off his back.
He thinks after uni (and I agree to an extent) that once he is busy and hopefully has a job (wishful thinking) things will be better.
I just don't know what to suggest to him, in my mind no job or hobby is worth risking your mental health for but at the same time that's all he enjoys doing.
Is there any way of accessing anonymous help or something?

Hope I didn't come across as too cold and pragmatic, I'm just trying to separate my emotions from it at the moment. I just needed to get that down and see if anyone has advice.

SilverStars Thu 13-Mar-14 14:13:30

Hi. Often when big pieces of work due in at Uni students react in different ways: leave it til last minute, procrastinate, stay in bed to avoid doing it. Also when facing big changes - not being a student, having to move, finding a full time job are big stressors. He may be depressed or it may be all those big factors he is struggling with. Deciding what he wants for his future.

A diagnosis of depression so near the end of his course will not majorly change his results - all his ore exams, essays will count as well as this piece. Obviously different Uni's have different policies but it is unlikely he will get a diagnosis now before deadlines due.

Can he contact his tutor to discuss his work? Show where he is at, get some practical advice on how to finish it and do it?

IrishBloodEnglishHeart Fri 14-Mar-14 11:54:29

How serious is he about a military career? Is it a concrete plan or just an idea? I suspect its the latter as if he really was focused on joining up or going through officer training after graduation he would be on a fairly focused on ensuring he makes the grade. I am not an expert but an ex-boyfriend of mine went to RMAS after graduating and in our last year at Uni he was forever running up hills with a Bergen on his back to ensure he could handle the fairly rigorous physical training officer cadets have to go through. I would also say that if your boyfriends mental health isn't A1, this would be fairly quickly spotted in a military setting so either way he will have to face it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now