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Anxiety & Depression(5 Posts)
I've thought long and hard about posting on here, but I think it might help me to get a different perspective on how I'm feeling. I have been on AD's for probably 20 years (bad first marriage, PND,) but have always managed to function and carry on working. Just over 12 months ago I walked out of work after realising I couldn't cope any longer. Prior to this my best friend of 20 years broke all contact with me saying I was not supportive of her starting her own business (I couldn't afford to go to her for treatments) and always spoke to her about my problems. It really affected my confidence to be rejected like that. Anyway, spent most of last summer working in my garden, sewing, etc, and doing craft work at home over the winter. My dc's are young adults and DH does all the cooking and shopping (always has done since we got married). I know I am incredibly lucky, I have a fantastic DH and 3 beautiful dc's. But I have got to the stage where I hardly leave the house anymore without either DH or my youngest DD (18), apart from one afternoon volunteering (which I have to force myself to do). I seem to have the odd day when I feel good about myself but then spend days/weeks feeling like I don't want to talk to anyone, see anyone and just hide in my bedroom or craft room. I only ever had my BF to socialise with and DH is quite happy with his own company so we have never really gone out very much. Part of me thinks that does it really matter that I don't want to speak to people including my mother and our very lovely neighbours, but the other part realises that it's not normal for me. If I do go out I then analyse everything I have said to anyone in case I have said the wrong thing or upset them. I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'm supposed to be going away next week with oldest DD and her husband and am dreading having to put on a front, talking to son in laws family, etc. How do I try and move on from this?
Could you tell your DH how you feel?
Hi there. Firstly, the so-called friend doesn't sound all that - does she want to live off friends and acquaintances? Secondly, I applaud leaving work if it's doing your head in - sad to say, try as I might, all jobs I've had have ended up with me depressed, and some I have left in various ways, including going on the sick. (Mind you, my marriage was crap so things might have been different if Ex was different)
Have you seen your GP? It does sound like you are depressed, even if you are not under work stress any longer. Maybe putting up your ADs for a while might help?
Also the weather has been lousy, but spring is coming... Exercise, just a 20 minute walk on your own, preferably with some sort of view over landscape, can help a great deal. (Hark at me, I need to take my own advice on this one. I do realise that knowing exercise will help may have no bearing on whether one feels motivated to do so. If I can force myself, it does help me)
I've tried talking to DH and although he is supportive he really cannot grasp how I feel. He cannot understand how I have lost my confidence, it's not that he doesn't try, he genuinely cannot grasp the concept. He has always had the attitude 'if you can't do anything about something why let it worry you'. Like I say he does so much around the home that I think that is his way of trying to help.
Shimmering, I realise that my friend had her own problems and regularly fell out with other people, but I never thought it would happen with me. It started over a stupid misunderstanding and just got worse. Although I know in the long run it's probably for the best I still really miss her. I think part of the reason I have cut myself off from other people is I don't want to open myself up to that sort of hurt and rejection ever again. It seems easier to stay at home and not talk to anyone .
DH has been very supportive of me leaving work even though I feel guilty about it having worked in some shape or form all my life even when dc's were small. He has taken on extra shifts to cover £. I think it might be a good idea to see my GP. I didn't like the idea of increasing my AD's especially when on paper my life should be perfect. The sunshine definitely helps and I've been in the garden today reading and yes, I know exercise has helped me in the past and I really need to try and make an effort to go for a walk rather than hide away. Thank you for your suggestions they make a lot of sense.
I have/had a couple of friends like that. Both are the sort who suddenly take offence and that's it! Except with one of them, we've fallen out twice, lost touch for a fair time, and then a chance meeting has been the opportunity to renew the friendship. (With the other one, I hold out no hope - which is sad - but she was quite demanding in a nice way and my life is, frankly, better without her.)
I know how that can hurt and knock your confidence in yourself. But it can also teach a less invested attitude to friendship, which is perhaps healthier?
Re your H - if people haven't experienced those feelings, they find it hard to understand. He sounds lovely though.
I can find being with people quite a strain after a while (am being assessed for AS), take time to be on your own next week to recharge when you need to, even for a few minutes (I am a smoker, so have an excuse!)
I am in awe of your craftiness - I loathed sewing at school and still can't do more than sew a button and mend a hem - are you watching Sewing Bee, there's a thread(!) on Telly Addicts.
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