Going to have to miss work owing to unexpected relapse :(

[apermanentheadache]

I am really scared and down: posting on here because it helped so much in the past.

I've had mild depression for 20 years, and a very serious bout after birth of DC2 3 1/2 years ago. It was succesfully treated with sertraline/mirtazipine comb. I've been off mirtazapine for 2 yrs and off Sertraline since last September.

At the beginning of Feb I was really poorly with flu and then got secondary infections, weeks and weeks of antibiotics and terrible sleep.

I started with the early waking qbout 3 weeks ago, feeling anxious etc.
Last week I saw my lovely GP who thought it was worth a week of zopiclone (sleeping tabs) to set me straight. Well, it hasn't worked and I just feel worse and worse daily. Back to GP tomorrow to plead for something else.

I know I'm not well enough to be working but am crapping my pants about having 'the conversation' with my bosses tomorrow. I've already missed 2 weeks + they are under a lot of pressure work-wise. Plus am loathe for everyone to know my business - they are really nice folk but I am a private person.

To cap it off, my mum, who is usually my go-to person (embarrassing in my late 30s) is herself quite poorly with a major depressive episode at the moment. I can't ask her for help. She already blames herself for passing her depressive tendencies on to me. DH is managing the kiDS but only just.

Can someone talk sense to me and tell me it's going to be ok?

[mouse26]

It is going to be ok. Definitely visit the doctor, I know how you feel with your work worries but your mental health is far more important at the moment x

[apermanentheadache]

Mouse. Thanks so much. I know I've responded well to treatment in the past which is some comfort.

[LastingLight]

You've got good insight into your situation and you are asking for help. That is excellent, and you know that you've overcome this before so you can do so again. Missing work is always worrisome but you're ill and if you feel you will be useless there anyway then there is no point in dragging yourself to the office. Focus your energy on getting better. Oh, and it's going to be ok.

[apermanentheadache]

Thanks Lasting.

Had a horrible morning dealing with the work stuff. I have really dropped them in it and it's so hard to admit II can't go in ( and why).

Now waiting outside docs in sun for appointment. I really hope he doesn't want to bung me straight onto SSRI as I get horrific commencement effects from them - anxiety x100.

I hope it goes ok.

[apermanentheadache]

Mirtazapine it is. May add sertraline later. Hoping it does something. Hardest bit is waiting for it to take effect and seeing if it's doing anything.

[LastingLight]

I hope it works for you.

[apermanentheadache]

Thanks lasting. Are you/ have you been afflicted by this shite illness?

[mouse26]

I hope it works for you too headache

[LastingLight]

Yep. I was diagnosed at 30 but have had bouts of depression since my teens. I've been on a wide variety of meds non-stop now for 12 years. Also had a fair bit of therapy. Currently I've been stable for more than a year on fluoxetine, lamotrigine and olanzapine. I would love to stop the meds but my psychiatrist thinks that would be a really bad idea and I have high risk of serious depressive episode if I do that. I cannot put myself and my family through that without good reason.

[apermanentheadache]

It's great you're stable Lasting. It's not nice to be on meds....but the alternative... ugh.

Thanks mouse