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admitted defeat....1st time going on anti-depressants-feel like a failure n crap mum :(

(10 Posts)
strugglingmummy28 Thu 06-Mar-14 20:43:20

sooo the health visitor did my pnd assessment n im going to docs tomoz 4 anti-depressants! feel like a failure...crying randomly n its quite embarrassing out in public...wish I could just hold it all together bt my choice is tablets or spiral further n suicide so gunna see how these go....feeling nervous...think i'm still coming to terms that my partner left me at 37wks pregs n I brought a newborn baby bk to an empty house...utterly soul destroying sad got to admit defeat...feel like a crap mum...a crap person....every1 ive ever loved has died or left me....tried 4 so long to keep upbeat bt this last1has left me emotionally battered n I've been defeated sad

LEMmingaround Thu 06-Mar-14 20:50:13

oh, i am really sorry you are feeling this way - tell me, would you feel like a failure if you had diabetes or any other illness? Depression is an illness, its brought about by sadness and stress, you sound like you have had your fair share of that and its also hormonal. When you go to the doctors ask them about counselling. Anti-depressants work really well, i take them, but you need to work through your issues with someone trained to help, you sound like you are very harsh on yourself x

strugglingmummy28 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:01:42

just dnt knw how I ended up in such a shit situation sad lost my dad through suicide n scared if I dnt take these tablets i'm gunna go the same way....eventually everyone I love leaves me its just a matter of time b4 they realise im no good sad....I couldn't pt my children through what my dad pt me thru bt my god life is painful right nw n I am so lonely...my home feels like a prison...I am no fun to anyone anymore...lost my mum when I was 16 he made her pick him or her children (me n bro)n she picked him...just seems this last blow has tipped me over...hope I can get bk up....do u find the tablets work? im a bit anxious sad its so sad all of it....so many lost lonely ppl in the worldsad

strugglingmummy28 Thu 06-Mar-14 21:03:29

just dnt knw how I ended up in such a shit situation sad lost my dad through suicide n scared if I dnt take these tablets i'm gunna go the same way....eventually everyone I love leaves me its just a matter of time b4 they realise im no good sad....I couldn't pt my children through what my dad pt me thru bt my god life is painful right nw n I am so lonely...my home feels like a prison...I am no fun to anyone anymore...lost my mum when I was 16 he made her pick him or her children (me n bro)n she picked him...just seems this last blow has tipped me over...hope I can get bk up....do u find the tablets work? im a bit anxious sad its so sad all of it....so many lost lonely ppl in the worldsad

lonnika Thu 06-Mar-14 21:05:47

Take deep breathes - go and get the tablets. You have not failed nor are you a crap mother. You have had 2 life changings things happen to you so no wonder you feel as you do. There are soooo many new mums on anti d's you are not alone with this honestly.

LEMmingaround Fri 07-Mar-14 10:22:06

The tablets wont make everything better butvthey will help you cope. Then you must get sone counselling. You have been through so much. I just want to give you a hug. You are not a shit mother and this can get better. Medication would be the first step .

LEMmingaround Fri 07-Mar-14 10:23:59

Oh and you would be surprised how many mums need meds. Telling people I took ads was a bit daunting. Until many of them said "so am I"

LastingLight Fri 07-Mar-14 10:26:48

You are definitely not a failure or a crap mom... failures and crap moms don't seek help when they need it or worry about the quality of their parenting. I agree with the other posters - meds and counselling is the way to go.

Tiredemma Fri 07-Mar-14 10:29:40

struggling- you would be amazed at just how many people have AD's to help them cope.

You are not a failure - dont be defeated, see this now as a new chapter in your life.

take the AD's- see them as a 'vitamin'. Get out for walks with the pram now the weather is turning.

you are doing a great job.

callamia Fri 07-Mar-14 10:44:37

You are being an excellent mother for getting some help.
All if those things that have happened to you are bloody stressful and horrible, it's no reflection on your mothering to be having difficulties right now.

I wonder whether you can also get some counselling in place for when you're ready/have time? It sounds like you've got a lot to work through, and this might really help you in the longer term.

Feel proud of yourself for getting the help you need, and I hope you feel more capable very soon.

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