Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.
anyone experienced "burn out" ?(10 Posts)
I think this is happening to me now, wondered if anyone else has been through this and come out the other side ? I suppose I'm looking for positive outcomes - feels like all hope has gone, life seems a bit pointless
What is making you feel burned out? I've only ever heard the phrase associated with work.
Its been getting worse for months. Too many demands, withdrawing from people, loss of drive/energy. loss of creativity ,not wanting to go to sleep, not wanting to cook meals, I have 3 young children and a job and my own business. The older two children go to school, and the youngest is in part time playgroup, so it is endless pick ups and drops offs. I work two days a week in a new job, and i have my own business that means i work away every other weekend. It feels like I spend most of my day performing tasks for other people (although it is my own family, so ultimately for me ) I play squash 3-4 times a week which is great, and I love it. I have made myself have 3 weekends at home recently but spent them in bed reading or browsing the internet. My husband isn't too happy about this, but I don't want to do anything else. I would very much like to sit in a quiet room alone for a whole day, it is a fantasy. This is all coming out jumbled up I know. I'm not very good at formulating thoughts. I am about to be assessed for ? ADD.
Totally understand where you're coming from. My life sounds similarly hectic, working full time, three kids, youngest an infant, not easy! Months went by with me feeling like I was losing all control, although outwardly no one would know it. Have since been prescribed citalopram and very slowly beginning to feel a bit more me ! Try talking to dr bout all this ? All will be well. Xxx
Thanks so much merrydebs I do feel a bit all alone, your post has made me feel better. Its like being trapped in a daily slog of misery. When I discuss it with family and friends, the solution seems always to drop something from my life, but they always suggest I drop my hobbies and interests, which is squash and spending time with my friend. That makes me feel worse and even more worthless. I am taking Sertraline and Propanalol for the anxiety. This burn out thing makes you loose yourself, I miss the old me
First off, totally understand burn out as I've had a complete breakdown, but I'm confused a bit by your post.
The withdrawing from people and loss of drive and energy isn't right across your life, which would normally happen with burn out. You have the energy to go and play squash. Making time for yourself is really important, but maybe so is looking at what it is about the other parts of your life that you can't face. You may also need to look at what else you can do to ease things on you.
Could you look at putting your DCs in after school club a couple of days a week, giving you more time between pick ups? What about your business, could you ease off on that? Is the new job making it worse?
Daily life can be a grind, especially when you have children, but you need to have a proper look at what it is that you can't face as pills can only help you so much.
I would imagine a new job, own business, three young children and playing squash 3-4 times a week is fairly demanding. Therefore I guess feeling exhausted is normal. And I would imagine with 5 people in a house there is the normal endless routine of washing, shopping, cooking and cleaning plus 3 children to drop off and pick up. Sadly, with those demands much time is spent doing. I only have one child and part-time work and sadly do not have time to go out to exercise that much.
If you want a day to yourself why not book a day's holiday and do whatever you wish? Maybe talk honestly with your dh about how divide up jobs in home etc? If he also exercises or has a hobby 3-4 times a week then maybe bi compromise and give up one night a wee so more time for the mundane jobs tiring you out.
Am not a gp but I would imagine they would not say you burnt out if able to go to work still or exercise etc. that alone is encouraging. To me your post sounds the normal reality of having 3 young children and work.
Hmmm…maybe I was heading towards burn out then, or something? Hope you don't think I was trivialising burn out babyheaves Its the lying in bed all day that alarmed me, I just did not want to get out of it. the children kept tottering in and out of the bedroom all day, and I even changed a nappy on the bed, but the thought of getting out of it and "getting up" was too much. I've never felt like that before, it was alarming. I can't decide if I've turned into a lazy slob or if something is going wrong. Ive spent two weekends like that now
Yes, I had burn out, being a SP, a demanding job and was taking care of aging parents.
You have to be quite ferocious in protecting your boundaries (never my strong point, it taught me to do that).
My husband isn't too happy about this
What does he actually do to alleviate it? Or is he just an extra burden?
It actually takes a few years to get over burn out.... The sooner you take measures and delegate, the better.
It's all about setting boundaries.
It's o.k. to say you are not super woman! And ask for help!
easier said than done
Important for your own health and happiness and the kids' environment as they are growing up.
As we women buy into the "have and do it all" culture and the more is expected of us, I'm surprised it is not more recognised.
OP I understand what you are saying, and your description is very similar to something I went through a few years ago.
The big lesson for me is that I'm not very good at listening to my own needs. Even if they are obvious I tend to dismiss them as not being very important or just plain silly.
What jumped out at me from what you wrote, therefore, was this bit, I would very much like to sit in a quiet room alone for a whole day, it is a fantasy.
What I have learned is to listen to my body and give it what it needs. I could have come up with 20 different reasons why I couldn't spend a whole day in a quiet room, and all of the time the depression would have got worse and I would get more and more tired from hiding it.
So, my advice to you is to make that day happen. Book yourself in to a hotel or house-sit for a friend or go to a retreat or whatever.
Join the discussion
Please login first.