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no one to talk to and feeling so sad and cursed.

(10 Posts)
mouses Wed 26-Feb-14 18:18:25

i must have done something so bad in past life to deserve this life. I treat people with respect, always put other peoples needs first - even if it means I suffer.

im tired of being manipulated and used. im posting here cos I don't have the guts to post any where else on mumsnet.

im feeling so defeated and battered to a point of no come back. theres no one to talk to, so I sit repeating it over and over to myself doing my own head in.

I know you are all fed up with me too cos no one wants to talk to me.

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 18:22:25

hey mouses, i remember you from the "village" - has something happened to make you feel like this? The village threads are still running, theres a few new faces and you would be more than welcome to join us?

If not, thts ok too.

The trouble, i think, with being the nice one is people don't always realise you are hurting because we hide it so well.

mouses Wed 26-Feb-14 19:05:00

hi lem
I did try the village but it was alittle too busy for me to keep up with evey one and felt like I was only going on when I needed to let off steam and felt abit selfish.

im naturally kind hearted and cant see or hear any one upset, even if they've upset me. I would bump into someone and apologise, if someone one bumps into me...I apologise!

on sunday my ex-p smashed a gate into my sons face and was more annoyed with the inconvenience of staying in hospital - I didn't utter a word... though I was fuming...

yesterday I rescued/adopted a dog. my partner drove an hour and 40mins with a travel sick child! I get there and the dog was a toy breed not miniature, was in dire mess, filthy, but cos I felt sorry for him I bought him. get him home and he has impaired sight. tried getting my money back, spent all day today on the phone - but all I got was threats to do me and my dp in :-( rang police, citizens advice, dog warden, rspca... no one was willin to help.

all I wanted was a dog to walk with me :-( my sister took my husky when I had a break down and wont give him back. my 2 deaf white cats I adopted- one died after castration and the other went missing in November! people round here talk about me as the animal ridder sad when all I tried to do is help.

just want to take every tablet in my medicine box and relax to sleep forever!

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 19:09:19

oh bless you that sounds very stressful about the dog. But you have him now and impaired sight doesn't have to be the end of the world. Is he totally blind? It sounds like you have done the right thing by getting him away from his awful sounding owners. Maybe post on the doghouse to get advice as to how to go on with him. What sort of dog is he?

mouses Wed 26-Feb-14 19:25:57

doghouse will shoot me down! as I know this poor thing will only make me worse.

he cant see walls, my hyperactive dd coming towards him! cant see me unless im right infront of him, trips over objects on the floor, cant see his water, stairs... fell off the bed, off the sofa... was stressful to walk him, he cant see and was like rabbit caught in headlights. I needed/wanted a dog to keep me company walking to help my mh?!

It sounds so selfish and ungrateful but I was looking for an adult dog so I knew what temperament and habits it had, already trained and clean, so I can match him with what I know I could cope with. the owners told me he was house trained, didn't yap and is content to be in the room on his own. none was true and I was on hands and knees scrubbing poo and pee off carpet all evening. its the reason I avoided a puppy! this isn't what I wanted cos I knew It wont be good for me.

I got him groomed and spruced up today cos he smelt like sewer, he has vets tomorrow evening to check his eyes. deep down I know I couldn't afford treatment and never planned this well, I was told he was a healthy dog.

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 19:32:41

its very difficult, i know that my dogs are a great help to me when i am feeling low, but they can also cause me a lot of stress too.

Poor little dog it sounds like he doesn't have much quality of life, i would see what the vet says tomorrow - maybe they will be able to rehome him for you. it does sound like an awful lot to take on if he is completely blind, poor thing - how old is he?

mouses Wed 26-Feb-14 20:09:51

they told me 14mths, groomers said hes a lot older looking at his teeth. he feels he needs to be by me (its understandable) but i have a 3yrs old to run around after and house work so the poor little lad is headbutting to follow me, i tried putting him in a crate for his own safety but he wasn't happy and bashed against the sides.

i think he can see close up? but close only after hes bumped? he is completely blind in the dark (say my landing/hallway) and gets so anxious he messes. its my fault for being so gullable <if that's the word?> and walking out with a dog that clearly needed help, thought i was going a good deed?

mouses Wed 26-Feb-14 20:10:29

doing a good deed.

LEMmingaround Wed 26-Feb-14 20:43:46

You were fucked over by some shitty horrible people sad it wasn't your fault. If this were me, i would be inclined to give the dog up to a rehoming centre. A busy family home does not sound like the right place for him, he needs to be somewhere where he can get some peace and like you say, follow his person around. He will need things to always be in the same place etc and of course you don't know why he has eye problems - what sort of dog is he, or was you told that he was?

I was wondering, you say your sister took on your husky when you became unwell, i can sort of understand why she is reluctant to let him go, she will have become attached to him and you have very young children in the house. Could you share the care of the dog? so you get to walk him (if he is local) etc but he lives at your sisters house? This could work really well, as you will get the exercise and companionship but your sister will be there if things get too much? I know that may not seem fair but i do wonder if getting a dog is putting too much pressure on you just now? Maybe volunteer for a dog-walking charity?

I probably sound like i am being mean, i don't mean to - i just sometimes question my own sanity when i have to take my dogs out in the pissing down rain and they are screaming the house down like they are about to be butchered because i have walked past the lead drawer!

You did what you did for all the right reasons, just sadly there are some horrible people out there. Its not your fault.

SilverStars Thu 27-Feb-14 00:04:18

Hi could you see if the PDSA will treat him, for free. Do they still do that? Tell them you rescued him from suffering but need help?

Sorry it's so stressful and not ideal.

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