I've been seeing a therapist for just over a year. I have experienced a major loss which I am badly struggling to come to terms with, hence therapy. Due to a toxic childhood/family I have had a lot of therapy at various times over the years.
At first, and for months, I talked and talked (and talked!) in our sessions and wondered why on earth she wasn't picking up on anything I said. I'm afraid I steamed on because I suppose I've been off my head, desperate. I was confused and frustrated that she barely spoke, month after month, and I recently burst out (not my finest hour) 'can you say something please!' and she responded by saying I was being 'controlling'. When I asked her about this at the next session she changed it around and said she had said that I was 'in control in that situation'. This was very clearly NOT what she had said - I'm feeling gaslighted! And that she is fucking with my head. This is like an abusive relationship ffs.
I asked her why she says barely anything - she said she has said a lot. I don't know what she can possibly mean: the very rare times she does speak, she repeats a mantra, like a robot: 'I am here for you to change' (She speaks in soundbites, weird phrases she repeats - phrases that don't make any sense: when I ask her what she means, or to repeat something she has said, she refuses [am I being trained?]. I can't repeat her phrases because I don't remember them, mainly because they make no sense at all to me, they're like a different language/lexicon. It feels cultish.) On the very rare occasions when she does answer my questions she takes an age before answering - l-o-n-g silence (perhaps she does that to shake me off but I stay silent and wait for her answer. I have to wait a very long time). She makes no reference to the vast majority of what I have said - except to make (short, pithy) observations now and again that are very negative (about me). She has never said anything even vaguely positive, encouraging etc. In answer to this she says her opinions are not relevant and 'don't belong here'. When I ask her what does 'belong here' she refuses to answer.
I eventually became angry and attacking re: her refusal to answer any of my questions; her inaccurate recall of what I or she had said (which every time casts me in a negative light). She immediately responded by saying that she isn't meeting my needs and that I should see another therapist; that I made her feel like a 'crap therapist' and that she is 'not here to be attacked'. I am astounded by this - of course a therapist is potentially going to be attacked at some stage by a client, surely?? Not physically - of course! - but verbally. At one point my actual words were 'you are full of shit'. Not great of me, of course, but that's the sort of thing that gets said, surely.
I have never experienced anything like this. Can anyone shed any light on this? I am on a low income and this is all I can afford. Perhaps we are missing one another by a mile but some of this is surely not right?
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Mental health
This isn't right is it - therapist
springykyrie · 25/02/2014 02:21
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