Ive suffered with depression for as long as I can remember - although it was clear until 4yrs ago
ive got a good idea its a mood disorder, bipolar, borderline personality disorder etc... tho gps, councillor and psychiatrist just think depression.
ive never had a huge amount of confidence or self esteem, but going back in time I had enough to socialise, make friends and have hobbies.. I went to preforming arts college, had kids then BOOM! life went down hill. well it wasn't the best life yet id give anything to have the old me back!
never had family support, ever. had a good group of friends (pre-motherhood) I was never one to have intimate boyfriends, go out drinking, take drugs etc - made a few mummy friends but they fizzled out when I wasn't as out going and as exciting as a wet cloth!
fast forward to today, 3 kids, no friends (well one but she a lot older and prefers visitors in her own time) no hobbies, no emotions, no feeling of worth? I sat here yesterday near tears (again) at how isolated and lonely I feel. I cant bear socialising, im terrified of it. so may never get over this. I have zero interest in any thing. my kids are bored stiff, they don't socialise and its my fault - everyones elses kids have the confidence to go cinema with friends (which they don't have either) travel and play out. whereas mine are staring at computer screen all day.
life feels so empty and well 'lifeless'! only left the house yesterday to get sugar from the shop but hadn't been out side since last fri, as kids are off school haven't had to go out.
theres just nothing there, I feel theres no point to life. I even struggle bein a good mum. I regret having them and having nothing to offer.
sorry to rant on but I have no to talk to in real life.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.
Mental health
this illness has stripped me of all i am worth
31 replies
mouses · 21/02/2014 12:29
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.