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DS's relationship problems

(7 Posts)
knackeredknees Thu 20-Feb-14 16:30:48

DS is in his first serious relationship. They're both 19 and at Uni together. He's asked for my advice on a problem he's having with her.

The GF keeps getting stressed about him going off with someone else, and generally about him being "too good" for her and him dumping her.

The context is that she has had 3 relationships before DS and every one of the lads has gone off with another girl. She is v pretty and bright, comes from a good stable home, from what I can gather (I've never met her).

Last week he phoned me as she had got upset because when she went to the loo in a club and four girls from his course came and started chatting to him it made her feel v v insecure.

Today he's phoned up again as she had him up talking till 4am saying that she thinks he's going to dump her as he's the perfect boyfriend and she's not good enough hmm - can't say I've noticed his perfection myself!

He told her repeatedly in this 4 hour conversation that he really likes her, is happy with her, will not dump her for some other girl, etc etc etc but she just doesn't listen. sounds like she has some anxiety/self esteeem issues and he's finding it really exhausting to keep reassuring her.

I didn't really know what to say, the broken record technique isn't working, asking her what she needs him to say or do isn't working, she is getting more anxious that she'll annoy him to the point that she'll dump him because she's so needy (her word, not his). When other girls are around, he makes a point of holding her hand/putting his arm round her to make her feel secure.

Any ideas from anyone who has successfully handled something similar?

justmuddlingalong Thu 20-Feb-14 16:36:55

You can only be there for your DS to talk to. There is no definite advice you can give him. Her behaviour may well end their relationship.

knackeredknees Thu 20-Feb-14 18:18:20

sad. I did tell him today, he's not responsible for her issues, and not to let himself get dragged down. He really

knackeredknees Thu 20-Feb-14 18:18:29

cares for her.

justmuddlingalong Thu 20-Feb-14 18:55:19

At 19, I'm sure he thinks she's the love of his life. All you can do is sympathise and be there if there are pieces to be picked up in the future. I imagine it's frustrating for you but it's his choice and if he cares for her enough to live with her insecurities, then there isn't much you can do. Sounds like an exhausting relationship. Poor soul.

knackeredknees Thu 20-Feb-14 20:09:16

smile and sad.

Young love, eh?

Fairylea Thu 20-Feb-14 20:14:29

I think she might have some serious anxiety and depression issues actually. Her behaviour isn't normal and is actually quite controlling. If it was a girl being kept up till 4am by her boyfriend worrying about her going off or leaving him everyone would be saying run for the hills.

Can your ds gently suggest she talks to her gp about her feelings? Maybe they might be able to give her something to help with the anxiety. Some jjealousy is healthy but this sounds extreme.

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