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Not sure what to think

(2 Posts)
acatcalledchinchi Wed 19-Feb-14 20:28:18

I'm new to Mumsnet so please bear with me.

I was on ADs coming up to two years ago and took them for around 18 months. When diagnosed with depression I just had a feeling of emptiness, that I couldn't enjoy daily life, that I felt alone (parents are deceased, no siblings, and in-laws are overseas). The GP prescribed Fluoxetine and I took them for around 18 months until last summer when I went with the kids (6,5 and 3) overseas to stay with the inlaws for the summer holidays and told myself that I felt ready to come off them. To be honest I didn't really miss them. I think I convinced myself that a summer holiday would make the world seem a happier place and that I'd overcome my depression.

Fast forward a few months until January. I have started with the same feelings of emptiness, lack of enthusiasm for anything, feeling irritable, snappy and exhausted. I feel as though I've no right to feel like this- my husband and I run our own business, I've three beautiful children, a roof over my head etc. yet I can't help feeling empty.

The weird thing is, is that sometimes I can feel excited over something (this morning it was the thought of an evening with my own company tonight watching the Brits with the hubby out and kids in bed), then before I know, I'm feeling crap again, pulling 100 negatives out of nowhere and going back to feeling as bad as I did to start off with.

I hate myself for being snappy with the kids. They don't deserve a grumpy mum, but sometimes I feel like a bloody donkey doing everything for them only for them to not listen to a word I say.

It's like a vicious circle. I'm reluctant to go to the doctors again as being on ADs won't change any physical situation in my life, the house will still look a tip despite me cleaning, the kids will continue to defy me etc.

I'm sorry for the rant but I needed to get it off my chest confused

AgentZigzag Sun 23-Feb-14 02:58:24

You have every right to get help for something that's not your fault.

You're not choosing to feel like you do smile

By saying the ADs might not change the physical situation in your life you're missing the fact that you're far more important than the house, that you feeling more comfortable (if the ADs made you feel better?) is a totally valid reason to go back to your GP.

There's no shame in going back for help, you haven't let anyone down, it doesn't mean you've 'failed', it just means that at this minute in your life you're struggling and need support.

How supportive was your DH when you were on the ADs/on the lead up to taking them? What's he like if the subject comes up now? Do you feel able to tell him how you feel?

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