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do I need help or just to relax/stop overthinking

(17 Posts)
notmakingsense Wed 19-Feb-14 11:10:21

I dont know whats wrong with me! I can usually cope but lately I just feel like I can't though anyone looking in would think im fine. I worry about money even when theres spare cash there incase things go wrong/need replacing I cant get enjoyment from anything as im thinking about how much it costs at times this is so bad I cant eat/sleep. I worry about my life in general think of how wonderful my parents are how much they help me and then look at me and my partner and think I cant imagine him being like my dad which makes me sad! Im finding it hard to be around him and i know its not him its me he hasnt changed and if I wasnt feeling this way I think we would be ok. My children and parents are the only thing thats keeping me going but they dont know the true extent of how I feel. I cant even explain properly how I feel its a big jumble of worries about lots of things money, relationships, housework that ought to be done that I dont get round to. My sister has mental health problems so I dont feel like I can burden my parents with my anxiety. I have 2 beautiful children we are housed warm and fed I should be happy why cant I be?

ThePartyArtist Wed 19-Feb-14 15:50:59

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I have accessed some help for generalised anxiety through NHS Talking Therapies, and would highly recommend. You can get your GP to refer you, or self refer. Have a look on google if it exists near you.

One resource they pointed me towards is at
I am a lifelong worrier and always found it impossible to follow advise not to worry! But i found the exercises here are actually something you can do. I hope you find it useful...

notmakingsense Wed 19-Feb-14 16:27:43

Thanks thepartyartist I will have a look at that.

Im a lifelong worrier too but this seems much more intense I think about it pretty much 24/7 and know that cant be normal I feel like crying/have cried sometimes I just want to be able to get out my own head if that makes sense? I think its somewhat inherited as both my mum and sister are on anti anxiety meds though id prefer not to be if I can possibly avoid it. I wish I was one of the people who can just go with the flo and not worry I hate being this way but I have to be in control if I didnt budget or worry who would then things could become that much worse aaagghh

ThePartyArtist Thu 20-Feb-14 11:02:53

I'm exactly the same and until I did the Talking Therapies I thought advice not to worry was good but impossible for me to follow! There are lots of exercises to do at
It does help to have someone guide you through them though so I'd recommend exploring NHS Talking Therapies in your area. You can self refer or go through your GP.
I was also really keen not to use drugs and I thought this would be the first thing the GP recommended but no one has put any pressure on me to go for that option. It was available to me though, and friends who are doctors tell me these medications are not addictive like they used to be.
Hope you manage to find something that works for you. Don't suffer alone!

notmakingsense Thu 20-Feb-14 11:31:18

Thanks again thepartyartist i'm just scared of taking the 1st step to admit I'm struggling, its like I dont get a break from anxious thoughts at all I just want out of my head but I feel like meds wont help change my actual situation if that makes sense. I have to go grocery shopping today and im already worked up about how much it will cost my anxiety seems mainly fixated on money but also how the house is messy/not clean enough.

Finding it hard to admit in rl or get up courage to tell a gp sad partly because I wouldn't want a mh isssue affecting future employment.

ThePartyArtist Thu 20-Feb-14 13:51:21

Please don't worry about it affecting future employment. It won't in any way - everything between you and the GP or talking therapies is 100% confidential. You would never have to declare it to an employer. So many people suffer from things like this, that it needn't get in the way of things like employment.

Please try to think about how this is making you suffer now - it's really important you do something, for you, because life doesn't have to be difficult like this.

I have a few close friends who are GPs and they're very used to people coming in with anxiety problems, and trained to refer them on to things like the Talking Therapies. If you happen to get a GP who doesn't respond in the way you want, see another one, because this stuff IS out there and really can make a huge difference - I know from first hand experience. I can tell you that the talking therapies is all approached in the way YOU want it to be - so for example, I had choices between group, telephone and face-to-face and always felt supported in my choices. At the same time as referring me on to talking therapies, the GP gave me a prescription, but I explained to them and the talking therapies people that I wanted to focus on learning coping strategies not medicalising, and was always supported in my decision.

I know it can be hard to make the first step but it is the first step to making things a lot better. Maybe try writing down a list of how you feel, to show the GP, incase you forget everything you want to say. This can give them a good picture of your symptoms.

Please, please do make that appointment, just pick up the phone now and give them a ring, it will be worth it. xx

notmakingsense Thu 20-Feb-14 16:12:29

Thanks thepartyartist for carrying on replying to me. I am listening honest just finding it hard to open up about how I'm feeling in rl. My sister is going through a tough time right now and has been for a long time now. I think this may be holding me back from opening up as I know its put alot of strain on my family. Also i'm not sure how understanding my partner would be he is a very unemotional pull yourself together type and im worried how he would react.

Its hard to articulate exactly how im feeling but id say anxious most of the time even when it doesn't show and then because I cant find a way to ease the worry everything seems a bit pointless as I cant make it better and silly though it is I focus on money and how much everything is costing confused undone housework also bothers me but not as much. My sensible side says someone can help me with this but emotionally I cant see how they can short of making me rich of course!

Bproud Thu 20-Feb-14 21:26:50

I am also suffering from anxiety and stress at the moment. I was referred to Talking Therapies, but unfortunately the appointment was messed up, this really tipped me over today, and I am not sure if I can face trying to get it all set up again.
thanks for the link to the resources theparty they look really useful, I am going to try to work through them on my own.
notmaking do you want to do them with me, we could have our own group sessions smile
I am going to do part 1 tonight and will report back...

notmakingsense Thu 20-Feb-14 21:55:39

Hi Bproud yes that would be good we can help each other out I will have a look at part 1 and report back as soon as I can im working tommorow so will likely be a bit later on. Is there anything that you focus your anxiety on?

Bproud Thu 20-Feb-14 22:16:45

Great! I have already looked at part 1 & 2 and having some lightbulb moments, I think it is going to be really useful. I am a natural worrier I think, but it has got out of hand over the last year or so. I don't want to be too specific as it may out me, but I am about to be made redundant and have had some problems at home as well which have caused me a lot of sleepless nights.
I am making some notes as I read through the materials, so we can discuss when you have read them as well. I will not be around tomorrow evening, but will check in at the weekend to see if you have posted anything.

notmakingsense Fri 21-Feb-14 08:24:27

Hi I have had a very quick look at part 1 and lots of it describe me perfectly besides it being lots of things I would say I mainly get anxious about finances to the point where I hate spending money and I know that is not normal I do from time to time move on to worrying about how clean/tidy my house is and the fact that my dc may not be as close to me as I am to my parents as my partner is not like them and what I would do without them. Will try to do part 2 tonight and write down things from part 1 tho I think what I said is one of the things they asked? And what they said at the first pretty much covered how it makes me feel the thoughts wont leave are there all the time with varying intensity and suck the joy out of life as I cant control what will happen that may cost us so I worry confused how are you today?

Bproud Fri 21-Feb-14 08:57:23

I am feeling more positive, I really think this is going to help me. I was awake at 4am as usual though.

This is what I am worrying about:
My future – what am I going to do work wise after redundancy
Making sure my friends and colleagues have a fair deal from our company (why is this my problem??)
My DC (both in their 20s!) happiness and future
Work performance (why am I worrying about this??)

My feeling is that these are mostly legitimate things to worry about, as are yours, but it has got out of hand, so learning to manage the worries will be a really good thing.
Have a good day.

notmakingsense Mon 24-Feb-14 18:08:37

Hi bproud thats great ur feeling more positivr. Having gone through module 2 id say my what ifs are: what if we have no extra money at all? What if we run out of money all together? What if I can't treat my dc at all? What if people where to see how untidy my home is? What if my children don't have as happy a home as I did? What if they aren't as close to me as I am to my parents? Wow that list is longer than I thought. Triggers for these thoughts are having to spend money blush both on essentials but especially on non essentials and unexpected/annual/rarely occurring expenses and if I have a disagreement with partner or if children are being told off alot.

My negative beliefs about worrying are that it affects my relationships and sucks the joy out of everything. My positive beliefs are that it means I am on top of everything and in control where finance is concerned. I do try to thought control by keeping busy distracting myself and to my great shame trying to make things including food last as long as possible blush did I miss anything?

notmakingsense Tue 25-Feb-14 12:28:18

Feeling on edge today with worry car is in for service will be due an mot soon too sad

Stardust123 Sun 02-Mar-14 20:16:42

Have a look at Anxiety No More website. Your worries are exagerated BECAUSE you have anxiety. I remember worrying what am I going to do when the washing machine breaks down. Worries are heightened because you have anxiety, probably due to stress and things that you have worried about initially. Hope it helps. xx

thinking101 Mon 03-Mar-14 09:35:04

Hello OP I am like. You have managed to say what I needed to say.

Im feeling quite low today that is why I have come on the MH board to find advice.

I wish that I could just relax and not have to think about stuff. I find it hard to let go of stuff and hang on to wat I know is unhealthy thoughts and not worthy. I feel like the confident 'doer' part of me is being sat on by the part that cant shake the worrying.

My current worry is housework and that Im letting myself down (diet and exercise) and thus my family. I dont spend enough time with them doing stuff.

maloryt0wers Tue 13-Dec-16 12:05:34

Thank you thepartyartist if you still read this board. This was an old thread that came up when I searched "overthinking" or something similar. I am a lifelong overthinker (going over and over something small and picking at it making it bigger and bigger in my head) and recently it has really started to take over my life sapping my happiness and effecting my well being. The site you suggested is really starting to help me, I've only done the first 3 or 4 sections but already I can hear my inner dialogue changing and being much more positive. So anyway I just wanted to say thank you and I hope all pp are doing well with their issues too.

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