Tangled in shit and sleep

[panettoneforbrains]

So, I've had another breakdown. I'm not happy at the best of times (am forever on SSRIs), but having a particularly bad time ATM. I'm a SAH(M), but feel depressed and hopeless, so hardly a good mum at all. I sleep most of the day (poor DH has to try and take care of pre-schooler DS and work from home at the same time) and feel edgy and shit when I am up. I feel guilty for all my shortcomings. I am also somewhat hooked on pain medication to feel some relief from my grey tunnel of a life.

I'm also back to full blown bulimia. Feel ugly, weak and tired.

The fun part is that I am planning a bit of a career change and applying to study a healthcare/psychotherapy related degree this spring, so don't know how frank I can be with GP about my troubles. Also, in the past GP hasn't really helped much, as a change or higher dose of SSRIs never helped.

Sorry, I'm just ranting. I feel like such a shit and useless human being. Poor DS and DH. And now it's half term here, so no preschool. Fucking yay.

[LastingLight]

You need and deserve help, your gp sounds useless. I agree with FabULouse, you need to see a psychiatrist for a new treatment plan. There are many other types of ad's other than SSRI's, and everybody responds to the meds differently.

[panettoneforbrains]

Thanks Fab and Lasting. Slightly better day today. Even got out of the door. Exhausted now. Also swore at DS. :( Have to get DH to call GP surgery. The last one had an electronic booking system, which was so much better. I hate speaking on the phone. Need referral to psychiatrist, but not sure whether I will get it. :(