DH has been suffering severe chronic depression and anxiety. We struggled with it for many years, but the past 2-3 years he became more and more distant and withdrawn. Basically, our love life came down to pretty much nothing at all. I always put it down to his depression and never wanted to discuss it with him. Did not want to embarrass him, and not to make him feel even worse about himself. And yesterday accidentally found out he has been cheating on me . I was so shocked as you probably know that having depression in the family is not fun and I always tried to help/support him through it. It is also so out of character. He had a major breakdown last summer, was off work for a month. It took ages for things to get back to normal. I think the affair happened before the breakdown. What do I do? Afraid that talking about it will make him feel worse he has serious self-esteem issue. Our 11 year old adores him. We are not that young either, in the late 40th... If he was a "normal" man, I would just probably leave him but this is different.
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Mental health
(a very good friend of mine was in exactly the same situation last year, years of coping with a depressed, reclusive husband who would disappear for days on end, even over Christmas, leaving her and his family thinking he was dead in a reservoir somewhere. Turned out he'd not been quite as reclusive as she'd been led to believe, but had made the acquaintance of several women while she was worrying herself sick over him and blaming herself for his breakdowns.)
There are plenty of people struggling with depression. They don't all go and leap into bed with someone else. As a pp has said, the two are compeletely separate. He should have turned to you his wife for support not sought it in the arms of someone else.
Your son will be fine. But there is no way you should stay with someone just because of what you've put above. If you want to leave, leave. If you want to work it out and believe there is something to save then do so. He is a grown man, however, who needs to take ownership of his condition himself. You can't cure him. 
again all of you. I know what you mean Lumpy. Sorry you've been through this as well. I saw some of his emails accidentally, one saying "please forget about me" so sounds like it is over. He says its only happened once , looks like was some kind of internet relationship.To be honest, does it matter? Bastard.
You made me laugh Drunk about mad psycho stalker :) I'll join you in park with a bottle of something when it stops raining 
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