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My family feel I need admittance.

(35 Posts)
Suicidal5833 Wed 12-Feb-14 12:54:41

I have been down for years and had a failed suicide attempt over Christmas every day they live in fear of another.

I don't get out of bed. I'm seeing things hearing things and I won't allow my dc to attend school because I'm scared they will be abducted. Every time I use my phone there is a noise like someone is hacking it but only I can hear it.

I have started using drugs to alleviate my pain.

I wish every night that I'll die in my sleep.

My mum and partner both work and are very mentally tired with looking after me in shifts as best they can. I want addmittance but I'm scared to go to crisis in case social services are involved.

Suicidal5833 Wed 12-Feb-14 13:10:18

They are gonna have a talk about me tonight to which I'll be sent out of the room for and I don't like it.

Honeysweet Wed 12-Feb-14 14:42:45

From what I have read on here, ss are a lot happier if someone is getting the help they need, than if they are not.

SilverStars Wed 12-Feb-14 19:23:58

Hi - can your family take your dc to school for you? If they do not attend, school will get concerned and can contact the education welfare officer, who will want to visit you and find out why children are not in school.

you do not need to go to crisis, can you contact your gp or your usual mental health workers if you have them and tell them how you are? Then can see if you need more support to stay at home as well as assess you for hospital, but they do try to keep people out of hospital and promote recovery at home where possible. If you do not tell your usual workers they will not know how bad things are for you.

Suicidal5833 Thu 13-Feb-14 07:09:59

My mum is gonna switch her shifts over so that she is working weekends and my dh is working week days that way there is someone to look after the kids and clean the house. Then they gonna see how I cope before pushing for admittance.

Juneywoony Thu 13-Feb-14 11:38:59

Talking from experience, as long as you have a good support network for the children, which it sounds like you do then the social will have no problems with the situation.

Please go into hospital, you are clearly not coping at home and don't be afraid, you are ill and it may help you to get better, you have nothing to loose by trying.

Juney, x

LovelyBath Thu 13-Feb-14 14:47:41

Just to say don't worry about the Crisis team. I have just been discharged from their care after having 'depression with psychotic features'. they had been treating me for about a year. They were great, told me they didn't need to involve social services as, like you, had family support in place. They visited me first nearly every day, with a psychiatrist visit at home and always involved me in a care plan. they prescribed a combination of an antipsychotic and antidepressant and monitored me in terms of side effects and changed one of them accordingly till found what suited. The support workers did things like chatting, taking you out to a cafe for a cuppa when you feel ready.. I know it is hard when you feel like eg the phone is being tapped, to trust anyone, but I understand that, they will too. Sadly it is only know when I'm better I can see how they helped. They've just had a final meeting with me and at that we did a plan together in case it happens again, how I would like treatment to go, how I can be aware of the signs, etc, and am able to just ring them for advice anytime. Honestly, they are there to help you x

LovelyBath Thu 13-Feb-14 14:52:16

Also, I felt anxious about the children too and got worried about things like the books they were coming home with, that they had 'messages' in if they were eg about certain subjects. And i used to think a social worker was going to pick them up. I just kept asking the crisis people and they reassured me nothing like that would happen, that they would always tell me (and they are obliged to) if they had shared info with anyone else as they need your permission. They told me say if there was a single mum with no support that would be a different matter as they would require more support but in most cases it depends on who you have around you. HTH.

LovelyBath Thu 13-Feb-14 14:53:43

I asked them to go into hospital too as i felt scared but they reassured me I'd feel safer at home and would be better with family around me.

Suicidal5833 Thu 13-Feb-14 15:12:08

Thank you so much I will go try crisis again.

Messupmum Thu 13-Feb-14 15:27:07

Crisis team don't support people for a year?! Thought they were short term.

LovelyBath Thu 13-Feb-14 17:14:53

Mine did! ( I think it changed to being called Recovery Service but was basically same sort of thing less frequent visits perhaps) They've been fab- really great, I've just wrote to tell them how much they helped me smile

It's the one based in Bristol, Bristol and Avon I think, and I did hear somewhere they are good in Bristol so maybe I've been especially lucky.

Suicidal glad you are going to see them. When I look back I could see my anxieties were affecting the children and they withdrew from me, turning to their dad. If this is happening to you, (and it may not be I just found it upsetting) they do some back to you as you get better. Maybe this can be the thought that keeps you going. My husband tells me it had really worried them (the children) so i think you gettting help would be best for your whole family. Really hope it goes well and your crisis team is as good x

LovelyBath Thu 13-Feb-14 17:25:43

I meant 'come back to you'

Suicidal5833 Thu 13-Feb-14 21:31:35

I saw crisis they got me a appointment for Thursday with my pychiatrist. And are going to call daily. They told me off about the drugs and said if I don't go clean they will refer me to a drug clinic so I am using up my stores of drugs and going clean.

LovelyBath Thu 13-Feb-14 22:25:16

Well done ringing them and admitting about the drugs. If they did send you do a drug clinic I'm sure they would help you with stopping.

I hope you don't mind me replying to you it's just it struck a chord as my experience sounds similar to yours regarding the voices, phone tapping, suicidal thoughts about not waking up, and especially the worries over the children.

Try and tell them (the psychiatrist) about these things, I found his hard to do, i think, as DH was there too and I was a bit ashamed of how I was feeling. DH didn't really understand and I think it frightened him. Also I didn't really trust the Crisis team people. But I did say a little and they gave me a course of I think, mirtazapine and olanzapine, a combination which helped after a couple of weeks..initially it helped by making me sleep which I'd been struggling with (how is your sleep BTW?)

Then just trying to eat OK, combined with sleeping, it is good to have someone to share your worries / thoughts with (the crisis team people were quite good at reassuring me) The only thing I found a bit tricky was that it seemed to be someone different that came round each time. They did this useful thing which was looking at evidence for my thoughts, and replacing them with more useful reasonable thoughts, but that might be for the future in a few weeks or so.

It was around this time last year for me that things improved, after taking the meds 2-3 weeks. It was when we had lots of snow, I thought maybe the snow had quietened everything! Then when I started going out a bit (first to a cafe with one of the crisis team people) i started to realise the world was OK, not the scary place I had imagined. Hope this is helpful, we're all different but just thought it might help to share experience and I know, how it can feel relentless like there is no end. Well, it can, and hopefully, will, get better.

basia2 Fri 14-Feb-14 02:18:11

Sorry I can't help more... I am in the US and do not know about social services in the UK, but here they are quite supportive of mothers who are trying to get the help they need. I would hope it's that way in the UK as well. We should never be threatened or punished with the loss of our children because we are taking steps to get our lives together.
I hope things work out for you and your family.

Suicidal5833 Fri 14-Feb-14 07:08:09

Thanks lovelybath of course I don't mind you replying. You've been a great help and it's nice to know not only am I not alone but it's also possible to get better. I'm sorry you had such a hard time luckily or unluckily my dh is a ex drug addict who has used hallucinogens and he does understand better than most people do.

I've been suffering hallucinations since I was 15 it went unnoticed till I was 22. So it sounds strange but sometimes when I'm well I miss the voices stupid huh.

I don't sleep well only four hours as I'm very concerned about a man I see standing on the street corner.

Basia thank you for replying.

LovelyBath Fri 14-Feb-14 17:18:34

My DH told me when I was first referred to the Crisis team, they asked him if I'd taken any drugs as they can trigger episodes like this. I hadn't I think the illness had triggered it, but it may be possibly anything you've taken may be making things worse if not causing some of your symptoms (possibly I'm not an expert) So, if it's hard stopping, try thinking it will be helping you get better. Glad you got your appointment through quickly.

About the man on the corner.. I thought I could hear a car engine all night through which was someone parked outside watching our house.. of course the snow sent him off thankfully! maybe you could get your DH to check it out for you if you're still worried about him.

As basia said I think ss would be supporting you especially as you're trying to get better. the only person I know who has had a child taken into care in a situation like this is a single mum I know who had a severe psychotic episode. She had taken herself to the local police station for help. Her little girl went into foster care (her ex was abroad and no support) for a week or two when she was in a mental health unit and they were reunited afterwards, back together, both are fine now and she got better. She told me the school were really supportive too. But that was different as she really needed that as she had littke support.

Suicidal5833 Fri 14-Feb-14 20:35:50

Thank you very much I hope your right. I've used the last of my drugs so I go cold turkey in the morning. I know it makes my mental health worse. I really hope social services are not involved.

LovelyBath Sat 15-Feb-14 16:13:00

If you're worried about that ask the person from the Crisis team about it. I did this and they told me there was no need, but if they were going to involve them they would need to ask me about it first.

Suicidal5833 Sat 15-Feb-14 17:09:05

Thanks lovelybath.

Suicidal5833 Sat 15-Feb-14 17:09:40

Well they said they were gonna call as of yet no phone call.

GimmeDaBoobehz Sat 15-Feb-14 17:17:36

I hope you are doing okay today off the drugs.

As an ex addict hopefully your partner can let you know what to expect in relation to withdrawal if you have been a regular user.

Do try to stay off them as they could really counteract any medication the psychiatrist prescribes you.

I personally haven't gone through what you have - I have depression and have had suicidal thoughts in the past, but I haven't heard voices although did hallucinate as a child. I think the most difficult thing to think is that things will get better, because they honestly don't feel like it at the time.

I know it means nothing but your family are there for your children and they will not be abducted. Schools are very careful and keep an eye on children - but of course it's something that you just can't get out of your head, no matter how irrational it seems.

Wishing you the best of luck for your appointment on Thursday. Hopefully they can come up with a plan that everyone is happy with.

Suicidal5833 Sat 15-Feb-14 17:24:41

Thank you very much gimmie. I am doing okay off the drugs I'm still going strong but it's hard because I'm in such a awful place ATM and I am not very strong.

LovelyBath Mon 17-Feb-14 10:42:49

It sounds like you are trying really hard. Sorry to hear they didn't ring when they said though. It is not long till Thursday and your appointment. keep focusing on that. best wishes.Maybe you can ring them if they don't call- in ours some of the team could prescribe so could maybe give you something in the meantime till you see the psychiatrist, diazepam perhaps? Or you could go the the OOH or GP if you feel able to x

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