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Freaking out over impending 'playdate'(14 Posts)
No particular reason why I should be. I've known the lady for a while, she's perfectly nice, our toddlers get on well & she knows I have depression & anxiety. I have no very close friends & am generally terrified of getting close to people after being bullied for many years at school by my so-called 'friends'. I'm now 27 & really need to get over it & start living a 'normal' life, whatever that is! I'd love to have just one or 2 friends that I actually did things with, rather than just people I exchange small talk with at toddler groups etc. I'm not really sure what I'm scared of. She's lovely! Every time I think about it all I can picture is not having anything to talk about or responding in the wrong way to something & making her feel unwelcome, or being too enthusiastic & scaring her away! I feel like it's a first date!
I'm rubbish at socialising. What do we talk about? What do I do? I've really got to stop obsessing about it. I just get really awkward when I'm alone with people. I have to be though or I'll just sit there while everyone else chats or look at DH every time someone speaks to me! I can do this. I probably don't come across as bad as I think... maybe! I just can't stop thinking about silly little things like when should I offer drinks - while she's coming in or do I wait for her to settle & then ask? It's ridiculous how nervous I get at just the thought of spending time with a perfectly nice person! I've been known to fake illnesses in the past when I've arranged to meet up with someone & chickened out! I'm determined not to this time. I made a point of telling DS today & he's really excited so it'd make me feel too guilty if I cancelled! DS1 is nearly 2.5 & we've only had 2 playdates & they were with small groups, rather than individuals, & I mostly just sat & listened to everyone else chat.
Tell me it'll be ok?! <Scared>
You will be fine! I understand completely the anxiety thing. Could you maybe prepare a few things to talk about? Just some generic topics maybe? I've made really good friends with a mum at my toddler group and we started off talking about weaning! The conversation will flow naturally after a while, don't worry!
If you're very nervous how about something to keep your hands busy. "Do you mind if I chop these vegetables for dinner while we're talking?" I find it can.break the ice a bit, and lead on to other Smalltalk.
I just wanted to hold your hand! I know exactly how you feel, I also suffered badly from this type of anxiety.
All I can say is that you get better at it with practise. The first few times it will be nerve wrecking, but just keep doing it and you will improve. I promise.
I am not 100% over it yet, but sooooo much better.
Suggestion: Watch a good film (on tv, cinema, dvd or whatever) and talk about it (how good it was, or how awful it was, or how you love that actor, etc). Read a good book and talk about it. Cook a new recipe and talk about it.
It does get better. Good luck.
And without sounding flippant, the weather is always a good conversation starter. It so awful at the moment you can make small talk about whether her journey was impacted etc.
There are no rules ! - Except do offer a drink at some time - and ideally a biscuit. If the kids are only 2 there will be enough chat around what the kids are doing that you will have plenty of things to talk about!
If you can bake home made stuff always goes down well, and you can chat about it. And I would just keep trying different topics until you can find something in common.
I'm sure you will be just fine
Try to remember that she is getting to know you too and may be just as nervous. You have kids in common for a start. You don't have to be the one who does all the talking, my best friends are quiet, good listeners. If you get stuck or panic just ask her to watch your LO while you pop to the loo and gather yourself.
You can SO do this
Sometimes if it's hard to think of something to say and all the stuff about children is wearing thin, I've found that people like it if you take an interest in them. This can especially apply to mums as sometimes all people talk about is baby stuff so if stuck you could ask her a bit about herself, maybe how longs she's lived nearby, where she's from, work, people like being asked things like what they'd love to do but never tried, where they'd like to go but never visited, that kind of thing.
Also if you ask stuff (not too personal, to start with) it will get the other person talking and more of a conversation flowing. HTH,
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