not sure

[jesy]

I've been awake since 4am today and not sure what I'm doing.
Yesterday I had a fight with my mum, little thing that I wanted to use an alternative ingredients in a recipe and I had a comment of oh here we go again. It was a simple comment but it hurt me.
Last night texting the bloke been seeing for six weeks and I was hurt by fact he said no rush for sex .
I'm not sleeping and when I do I have horrible dreams and wake up with palpitations.
I drink to much and I don't want to do anything most days. Yesterday I got so stressed when I was cooking I got pains in my back .
I'm unemployed , apply for jobs all the time but no luck it's all getting to me now.
I don't want to go to drs and can't afford things like rescue remedy .
I'm worried the way I am Will push this bloke away ,he call me his smiley lady , he is one of the few positive things in my life at the moment , he is kind caring generous funny attentive which is often hard to find and I do t want to mess up coz I'm low

[Honeysweet]

It sounds like he said no rush for sex because he likes other things about you too.
Sorry that you are unemployed.
I think that if I were you I would search on here for tips about getting a job. If you cant find much, try starting a thread on a work board or even chat.

[LastingLight]

Being unemployed is very stressful and it's no wonder that you are taking strain. With the level of symptoms you describe I think you should see a gp. What you can do for yourself though is to get some exercise (just walk, it doesn't have to cost you anything), eat healthy food and see if you can volunteer somewhere. Volunteering will get you out of the house, help you feel better about yourself and look good on your CV.

The fact that the guy you are seeing doesn't want sex yet is not a bad thing. He obviously likes spending time with you for other reasons, just go with it and enjoy his company.

[jesy]

No real appetite tbh , I look pale today and have a twitchy eye which is driving me mad.
I pick at things only eat tiny meals , the bloke been seeing seems to understand I can't eat when stressed I felt awful t he other week I couldn't eat the meal we went out for.

[LastingLight]

Please go and see a doctor, you need help and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

[jesy]

I. Too ashamed to go

[LastingLight]

Jesy you did nothing wrong. Doctors hear stories like yours all the time, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Really nothing.

[jesy]

I used to work with my doc tho just want my life back

[LastingLight]

It doesn't matter that you used to work with the doc. Or see a different one. I suffer from depression and have spent years trying different combo's of meds, 2 different psychiatrists, 3 different psychologists... and one of the hardest things in all of this was that very first visit to my gp. But I'm so glad I took that first step because I not only got my life back, it became immeasurably better. Do this for yourself, you won't be sorry.

[Honeysweet]

How many doctors are at the surgery?

[jesy]

Not sure , I just don't want medication again wish I could go back 3 years

[Honeysweet]

He may not think that you need medication. He may give you tips or advice on how to get a good night's sleep.

[jesy]

I was coping till the bad dreams started

[Honeysweet]

You need some help to cope at the moment. Everyone needs some help from time to time.

[jesy]

I know deep down I need help. I actually slept well last night first time In about ten days

[Millie2013]

Do you think that maybe sharing how you feel on here, helped you to sleep better? I'm a firm believer in "a problem shared.."
And in that case, I echo the advice to make an appointment with your GP, or another GP, just to talk things through. There are lots of support options out there, other than medication, but you have to make the first (brave) step and ask for help. And asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, it shows huge strength of character

[jesy]

I think it did, I spoke to the bloke in seeing not in detail it he knows I'm not sleeping well and having horrible dreams.
Tried calling doctors can't get appoint till tomorrow.

[Millie2013]

Take the appointment for tomorrow and try to hold it in your mind, that it's the first step to getting help

Your bloke sounds lovely and supportive :) and keep talking on here, if you find it helpful

[jesy]

I have a cancellation today I said I'd want to be put forward if they had any.
I do find it a help, dint have many friends since lost my job, the odd text off them but you know you get a feeling that they just being polite.
I've considered st johns wort , I texted nice bloke today told him why I'm going ( he said he was worried I was going for info about boob job) he said he understands as he know what I've been thru .

[Honeysweet]

Glad you have got the appointment and glad about your bloke.

[LastingLight]

Good luck. Tell the doctor everything, don't be embarrassed and leave stuff out. Write down a list of what you want to say so that you don't forget.

[jesy]

I will, off to trudge down to drs in the rain !

[Millie2013]

Yay! I hope it goes ok!

[LastingLight]

What did the doc say jesy?

[jesy]

Hi
He suggested counselling but I said that wasn't me , he is into his herbal stuff so was happy to let me try st johns wort which was a bit costly but I'd rather try that than anti deps,
Basically he thinks I'm depressed over what's happened in last 2 years.
Suggest ed I get into a routine at night so I'm relaxed , e ended said turn off telly , I pad fone etc half hour before sleep time.
So I'm winding down.
I said about dreams and he said it maybe due mind not shutting down.
He gave me a relaxation sheet. And a healthy eating plan .
It been a relife to open up

[Honeysweet]

Glad he listened well and gave you some suggestions.