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anyone come across Irritable Male syndrome and/or depression in DH

(6 Posts)
thatlldonicely Mon 10-Feb-14 14:39:56

Dh recently told me he no longer loves me & has since moved out - there is nobody else involved. He says he has been unhappy for a long time & I have recently come across this syndrome where men basically withdraw from relationships. I think he may have this and/or depression -he runs own business which has put him under great stress for a few years & seems to have stopped doing everything except work. I have experience of post traumatic stress disorder & bad depression which really left me unable to do anything. I have read that men are able to compartmentalize
and wondered whether it is possible for them to carry on working (bearing in mind everything hinges on his business - mortgage -school fees etc)whilst at the same time withdrawing from everything else - wife, kids, house jobs, dog walking & general participation in family life. Please no advice on relationship ( i have already had this) but am looking at how men can be affected by depression. Thanks

JenBehavingBadly Mon 10-Feb-14 22:41:10

I can really understand why you'd be looking for answers as to why he left you, but you'd do better to put all your efforts into looking after yourself and coming to terms with it all. Finding a reason won't make him come back to you.

I'm so sorry OP. It must be devastating for you.

Suicidal5833 Tue 11-Feb-14 07:02:14

That's a very interesting hypothesis op but I have some moderate depressions where I pull in and don't do nothing more severe and I leave dh. I am female to me it seems to depend upon the degree of depression.

I'm very sorry about your dh decision I only hope that you get whatever outcome your hoping for.

kitnkaboodle Tue 11-Feb-14 16:41:24

My partner did exactly this about 5 years ago. To the extent of moving out of the family home and living in a caravan in the middle of winter sad He went to doctor and counsellor and soon realised that he was in the middle of a major episode of depression. He also realised that he had had such episodes in the past without realising what they were.

However .... he also confessed to me (after a few months, while we were most definitely separated) that he thought he was in love with someone else. We managed to sort things through, he got counselling and we got back together. Took about 18 months and was an awful period.

I know you say you don't want to hear relationship advice, but I feel I have to let you know this - I have now my own experience of this, and have shared similar experiences of female friends and family members - and there has ALWAYS been another woman involved in one shape or another, even if they didn't immediately show up on the radar. That's just my experience.

kitnkaboodle Tue 11-Feb-14 16:42:54

... forgot to answer your question and say that, yes, throughout all of his depression and our relationship upset, he was quite able to carry on with his work and even present a cheerful face to outsiders

drove me mad ...

thatlldonicely Tue 11-Feb-14 19:40:37

thanks for replies esp kit- i do believe there is no one else- and the work issue was really what i needed to know - hopefully he is seeing dr this week

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