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advice pls pnd or just lack of support???

(11 Posts)
strugglingmummy28 Sun 02-Feb-14 18:52:21

Hi all I've never done one of these but I am really struggling at the mo. My partner left me when I was 8 months pregnant and moved in with another woman which I found out from his mum sad I went into total shock. I have no mum or dad and felt totally isolated(I mved 300 miles to be with him)...I didn't know what to do so through myself into a course....thinking by being around ppl this would baby is 3months old now but everything I have held together came crashing down was also ten yr anniversary of my dads suicide...I keep trying to get on but these 4ts are catching up with me and I have been thinking of hanging myself...totally weird...I would never do this and am so ashamed that I cant cope sad since then my partner has moved back but I cant let go of the past and feel so let down....he and his mum say I have pnd bt i'm not sure if its just their total lack of support that has affected my mental health...she will only help me with the babies if I pay her £40 a day (which i cannot afford as i'm student!) I am not sure about getting these tablets as I don't want to become addicted to them and not sure if it's anything to do with the baby?? advice please as I don't know where to turn and I am totally ashamed that I can't keep t together.

HumilityYetStrength Mon 03-Feb-14 08:50:34

I see a strong person facing some tough circumstances with real guts. New babies often equal sleep deprivation, nervousness that DC will get sick, or be upset, or won't develop. They make us question whether we could ever give them all they deserve, while it looks (wrongly) as if everyone else has it sussed - they DON'T! You are doing just fine but - as they say - no-one is an island. Why not take some action to build your own support network? Go each week to get your baby weighed - to talk to the health visitors / nurses. (It doesn't matter what the weight is from week to week really - it's just the connection.). Go to the local Children's Centre and join a group there - rhythm, baby massage, etc. And start visiting parent and toddler groups. You can start now. Your local church will probably have one. Don't give that grasping MIL a single penny - not even petrol money! She should be ashamed of herself! And as for the perpetrator of your distresstalking about pnd - book him onto Jeremy Kyle. Keep it up - you're a beautiful person and your DC deserves you. X

strugglingmummy28 Mon 03-Feb-14 10:04:09

Thank you thought I was going it's not PND ...I thought that (I don't have any ill feelings towards my baby) just felt totally lonely and angry that I had been deserted when I needed people the most. It is hard to network in a new area and the weather and lack of money is a barrier but I am going to prove them both wrong and do it my way. Your support is what I needed-somebody to just let off steam to and tell me that it's not me going mad! Thank you smile

HumilityYetStrength Tue 04-Feb-14 00:42:53

You're welcome. And there will come a time when you'll be able to help someone else from what you learn. I presume your DP has promised not to abandon you and DC again...

MigGril Tue 04-Feb-14 00:59:57

no wonder your.feeling down the people who should be supporting you right now aren't. it's hard enough to have a baby at of times.

You sound like a strong person, who just needs a bit more support. You can always ring your HV for a chat and they will assess you for PND if you ask, which will get your partner off your back.

I agree your children's centre would be a good place to go and get support and meet other mums and its all free. toddler groups are good for when they are a bit older. mum and baby groups are better and its surprisingly easy to meet other people while you have young children. You mite find your local NCT branch also runs a bumps to babies group, you don't need to be a member to access their groups and it'll be a similar price to a toddler group but with a group of mums with younger babies.

GeoffLeopard Tue 04-Feb-14 05:29:55

Aww stugglingmummy... You sound like you're in a really difficult situation at the moment. You don't have to feel like you want to hurt your baby to have pnd. I'd say if you do have depression right now it's probably a totally normal reaction to your circumstances. I had pnd and I've found having children had opened me up to so much joy and pain. It's forced me to think about stuff which upsets me (am I enough? Is there a god? Etc) and it really isn't easy. Not to mention exhausting, 3 months is still new for both of you and you're probably not sleeping fantastically (are you?)

Please take care of yourself and seek help eapcially as you've been having suicidal thoughts. There's truly no shame in it, I wish I'd recognised how I was feeling earlier and reached out to someone. Having support will make the burden easier to bear and help you do things your way. I love your grit by the way, that's one lucky baby. Much love xxx

strugglingmummy28 Tue 04-Feb-14 20:32:16

awww thank god I found this page...I decided to ask my partner to leave today as when I needed him most he abandoned me...left me a total mess and his mum wanting to be paid to see her grandchildren sad just really saddens me. today I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I don't know what my next steps are. The family that I have left are 300miles away but don't want to take my children that far away from their daddy, I also have a little boy who is 18months but also don't want to be so some thinking to partner said he had a mental breakdown as previously los his job and new baby on the way. my heads still a little fuzzy and need outside opinions to make sense of this crazy mess! thanks all xxx

Cinnamon2013 Wed 05-Feb-14 12:31:59

A brave decision. Sounds like you have a lot to consider at the moment but have made a huge step towards moving on. Keep writing... X

GeoffLeopard Wed 05-Feb-14 18:45:47

Do you think your husband is sincere? Could he have had a breakdown? Do you think he genuinely wants to work through it and if he did could you?

strugglingmummy28 Thu 06-Feb-14 20:55:20

He did genuinely have a breakdown....he's on anti-depressants....still he slept with another woman and its so painful and the anger that had built up really brought the worst out in me! so asked him to leave as we were just arguing infront of my little boy sad He wants it to work but I snap at the slightest thing! I will never ever forget bringing a newborn home to an empty house...utterly soul destroying! It would be nice if it could work but where do you put all that anger? does it die down? can u ever truly get the trust back? or wasting my time?! IT is quite along story but he is a fisherman and was working away lots and drinking too much...I told him he needed to pick drink or his family...he ran off....fw days later heard he'd moved in with another woman??? Then he was confused saying he loved 2 ppl?? she finished it with him and I couldn't see him in the gutter so propped him up and he hasn't touched a drop...I'm angry because he didn't come back out of choice it was because he had nowhere else to go....god knows! its quite a mess isn't it! Has anybody else been so hurt by the 1 person that was supposed to love and protect them sad x

strugglingmummy28 Tue 18-Feb-14 19:52:02

anybody there?sad

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