I'm going to try not to ramble here. Bute there's a lot. So here is a not so brief summary of my woes.
DS1 aged 10 has AS (dx) and possibly ADHD (ndx) and as much as I love him, he is a total and utter nightmare. Every aspect of dealing with him is very difficult. (Oppositional, VERY noisy, physically aggressive, impulsive, never seems to sit down and chill out, (unless on nintendo 3DS) very mean (physically) to his brother, won;t do anything for himself, won't do anything for anyone else, always complaining about everything I or DH or DS2 does, can;t really hold a two way conversation....)
DH has AS traits too. Our marriage is shit. He is horrible and angry all the time, though he would probably say the same thing about me. (I think he could do with ADs too tbh - he could probably write this thread himself) (Mrs T and Gmama etc - I'm on your threads already! NC for this)
DS2 aged 8 (NT) is wonderful, but I really worry for his mental health too as he is impacted very badly by his brothers behaviour...and his Dad's...and probably my stress too. He sees me crying several times a week at the moment. He bears the brunt of the physical stuff from DS1. Can't leave him alone with DS1 or he will cop a punch or something. Not even to go for a quick wee. I need to make sure he is safe and away from DS1 if I have to go.
When I am not working, I am at home trying to manage DS1, negotiating the battlefields of fields of homework, mealtimes, bedtimes, etc.. and keep myself and everyone calm (stop myself from flipping out and smashing DS1 in the face or something) and keep myself and DS2 safe from DS1 when he is raging and melting down. DH does as much as he can, but both boys want me rather than him, as he is an 'angry' person, so I end up doing almost everything for the boys in the evenings.
I work FT, have been in the same job for years, but there are big changes afoot at my company and I am currently finding it all very stressful, but it pays well and I need the money so would find it very hard to downgrade or reduce my hours. Ideally I would like to work 3 days a week, but on the same hourly rate, I don;t think my company will let me reduce my hours again due to our companies current situation. I haven;t applied for a job for 20 years but I am very doubtful I would find something suitable without a huge pay drop.
I have let myself go - totally - put on tons of weight – my skin is horrific for the first time since I was a teen, I wear the same shit clothes every day. I hate the way I have aged about 20 years in the last 5. The house is a tip. I’m 46 – so hormonal changes may be a factor here. Don’t know.
I just never want to do anything. I am finding it a massive struggle to get out of bed in the mornings, and drag myself to work. I am now getting a physical sinking feeling of dread every day walking up the same stairs at my work for almost 20 years. I keep crying.
I have a feeling I am depressed, but I am a bit scared of going on ADs. My aunt ( with some of the same issues as me) went on them 40 years ago and has never stopped taking them. I hear about all sorts of side effects and that concerns me.
I don’t even know what I am asking. How can I manage all this without cracking up I suppose?
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Mental health
Talk to me about ADs - should I ask for them?
10 replies
AbouttoCrack · 22/01/2014 12:52
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