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What if suicide really is the only way out?

(77 Posts)
littlegingercat Sun 19-Jan-14 02:49:22

I don't really expect anyone to be around at this time, not sure why I'm posting other than a vague hope for some kind words, even though I don't deserve them.

I posted a little while ago about paranoia, about feeling like I'm being watched all the time. I saw a GP about this yesterday and she prescribed an additional med to take with my AD, but I can't take them. I read the side-effects, and they're scary. I can't decide if I'm scared of the potential side effects, or if I'm scared that these tablets aren't what they're supposed to be. I was paranoid that the MH team I see were part of whatever is going on, and if they were, so was the GP. I forced myself to see her and I'm more scared than I was before. I keep thinking about the appointment and can't tell if I'm remembering what happened reliably.

Self harmed last night and it helped a bit, but not enough. Hasn't helped tonight either. Nothing I normally do when I feel low or anxious is helping.

I'm trying to listen to music to distract but lyrics are jumping out at me and I don't feel safe at all. I've changed bands so many times, but even the most upbeat inane poppy rubbish seems to be saying so much. Even fail safe songs that I always go to when I feel low, seem off, like they're malevolent.

The only thought in my head that feels like it's actually right, is of OD'ing. I can't stop thinking of new things to be scared of, there's no end to it. I don't expect anyone to know what to say but I needed to get it out and I can't think of anywhere else that feels safe. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, my head is pounding.

SugarMouse1 Sun 26-Jan-14 02:58:11

Hang in there

I know how you feel, am feeling a bit trapped about debt

Please don't OD, may only make things worse

There is hope, many people come out the other side, try and remember that and people want to help you, this forum demonstrates that.

littlegingercat Sun 26-Jan-14 03:06:34

Thank you.
If you haven't already, have a look on the moneysavingexpert forum. I've lurked on there for years and the debtfree part of the forum is incredibly supportive and helpful for debt matters.
i think that maybe this has gone on too long now and even if there is another side, there is nothing there for me.

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