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How can I help my DH with depression

(11 Posts)
glorious Thu 09-Jan-14 12:28:25

DH has just been diagnosed with depression though I suspect he's been unwell for a while.

I've asked him if there's anything I can do differently to support him and he can't think of anything. I'm encouraging him to look into CBT or some other talking therapy as well as the pills he's been prescribed, and maybe some exercise. But mainly I'm trying to reassure him that I think he's wonderful, that it's ok to be feeling how he is but that he can and will feel better.

We have a non sleeping 11mo who I deal with in the night but that takes a fair bit of my emotional energy (well, energy full stop!). I'm due back at work soon so I'm worried I'll be even less use to DH then.

Obviously everyone is different but does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

Thank you

Iwasinamandbunit Thu 09-Jan-14 17:04:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LastingLight Thu 09-Jan-14 17:18:09

Keep doing what you're doing, it is what he needs. Talk therapy is very important because the pills help you feel a bit better but doesn't teach you how to solve any problems you may have.

glorious Thu 09-Jan-14 20:44:35

Thank you both, I'm so glad you think I'm on the right track. I'm desperately sad for DH and trying so hard not to show it and to be strong for us both.

I think you're right that I'll need some support iwas, to be honest I'm a bit of a wreck myself from sleep deprivation and worry about going back to work. I feel like a lot of people need an awful lot from me.

I'll keep encouraging the lifestyle stuff. He decided this evening that he'll give up alcohol for the moment. Plus I'm helping him follow up on options for accessing some talking therapy.

I'll pop over to the Mind site now, don't know why I didn't think of that.

glorious Thu 09-Jan-14 20:45:38

Oh and the bit about wanting to do nothing really resonates. I have been finding it frustrating so I'll try to understand a bit better.

Iwasinamandbunit Fri 10-Jan-14 09:30:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glenshee Fri 10-Jan-14 09:53:09

I liked this book:
How You Can Survive When They're Depressed

glorious Fri 10-Jan-14 22:12:11

iwas I've never minded him doing things to relax as he has a stressful job but I did find the faffing about (as I saw it) difficult when I'm run ragged. But knowing it's part of the illness helps a lot.

We did have a cleaner until I stopped getting paid so fully planning to have one again when I go back. We're lucky we can afford it as I agree it makes a huge difference. It's amazing how much can be done by someone who's good at it!

I'm sorry you've been so unwell and I hope you're on the mend. Thank you for the good wishes, they mean a lot thanks

glenshee thanks for the recommendation, I'll take a look.

SilverStars Fri 10-Jan-14 23:15:34

Like others say find a friend or family person if possible to offload to about the things that irritate etc. it can be hard working, having a child no matter so resentment can build up anyway - it was refreshing to hear other working mums say that with no ill adults.

Definitely a cleaner!! And for me I found churning out meals really difficult so found had to be organised and batch cooked and froze every 2 weeks for ds at that age and tried to menu plan and again make one meal last two nights to help. It was the simple things that can break us I found so thinking ahead and even if things cost more then buy the way out of the tiredness!! I had a friend who struggled so every so often had her child to stay over for a weekend so they both got a decent rest. You may have family to help occasionally. Sleep was vital for us both!

Iwasinamandbunit Fri 10-Jan-14 23:48:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glorious Sun 12-Jan-14 09:37:04

Thank you silver. Batch cooking is top of my to do list, and luckily I will enjoy it smile I'll need to see how DH would feel about me talking to someone we know about it, he's extremely private so I suspect he'd be very reluctant.

iwas I'm glad you're not too bad, hope you can get back to normal soon. I have a good friend who has spent much of the last 10 years in hospital for her mental health condition and it can be so grim sad

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