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no hope anymore, fallen off my tablets again but I've had enough now

(83 Posts)
TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 13:27:44

there is no light at the end of the fucking tunnel

I'm just so tired and in pain

I'm sitting in a bombsite eating tinned mac and cheese and just trying to get to friday pick up time

literally just get the kids to school, sleep, eat, ignore everything

then I need to make xmas happen

everything is so much effort and makes my head hurt

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 14:02:02

threw some bleach down the loo

filled a carrier bag half full with rubbish

picked up some clothes off the floor and put the in the laundry basket

put on a jumper cause I realised I was cold

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 14:03:41

lol thank you never google, that last post made me giggle

thank you everyone

nevergoogle Wed 18-Dec-13 14:04:34

brilliant, well done. perhaps I should follow my own advice and do something useful to my kitchen (it's under the pile of dishes I think).

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Wed 18-Dec-13 14:07:52

There you go, you have just achieved 5 things in a short space of time.
Have a cup of tea, and afterwards see if there are any other small things you can do before the school run?

I like the 15 minute way of cleaning. So you do something, like wash up or wipe down the surfaces or whatever for 15 minutes. Then stop, have a coffee, mumsnet for 15 minutes, then do another 15 minutes work.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 18-Dec-13 14:18:20

Tantrums beat me to it, I was just going to say you've taken 5 steps already smile

You really have had more to deal with than is fair for anyone.

Yes, if you want to go to bed in the middle of the day for a couple of hours, just do it. Take that lovely Lolly with you grin

I really hope you feel better soon, I'm sure you will when the meds start to kick in.

Can the girls do one or two small jobs each when they get in? And then maybe again before bed? It's perfectly reasonable to ask them.

Lots of ((((hugs)))) to you Trin. xxx

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 14:30:12

I'll try and get the girls to do a couple of jobs

they are so tired at the end of this term

after the school concert last week and me not making sure they go to bed early enough

I usually nap every day but haven't managed it a good few days these last couple of weeks so now I'm struggling to get and keep warm and my joints are flaring

I just dont want it to be like this, I want it to be sorted and tidy in my house all the time

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 14:45:14

I didn't get off my arse and do anything else cause I'm shit

just counting the minutes to school pick up

then I can tell the little uns to make chocolate spread sandwiches for tea and I'll go to bed

yes I know, its awful, I'm crap

they will be safe btw
they climb into bed with me and watch telly

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 18-Dec-13 14:50:40

Yes, but don't feel bad if it isn't like that, none of us achieve that I don't think.
At least, not without staff grin

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Wed 18-Dec-13 14:52:40

Why are you crap?

You did something. 5 something's in fact.

If that's all you can do today, there's no problem.

Tomorrow you will do something else, doesn't matter how small it is, does it?

There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. Keep taking the tablets, keep taking little baby steps. It will come good.

All you have been through, trin and you are still standing. That's an achievement in itself, who cares if the bloody kitchen floor needs cleaning?

Enjoy your evening with your girls. Don't put yourself down.

Tomorrow is another day, worry about it then.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Wed 18-Dec-13 14:56:12

Oops x ed.

You are not shit or crap, you're fed up and ill!!!

Chocolate spread and telly in bed sounds fine to me.

Queenofknickers Wed 18-Dec-13 15:22:27

Agree with Tantrums and Bewitched - you've achieved loads today and your girls will be fed, warm and cuddled -that equals success NOT crap xxxxxxxxxxxxxthanksthanksthanksthanks

HorsesDogsNails Wed 18-Dec-13 15:49:51

I'm here Trin and I'll hold your hand and offer a squeezy hug..... Please be kinder to yourself, try and see the positives about what you're achieving rather than beat yourself up for what you think you're not achieving. You've all been through so much and you're all still functioning - that is fab.

Well done on setting the alarm for your meds, I think that's your most important achievement today.

Take care of you, you're being brilliant xxx

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 15:54:20

ok just to set off a shite day, I then ran out of petrol in the middle of the road outside the school and had to push the car past a few parked cars and into the side so I was out of the way

in the pissing down rain

fuck everything

nevergoogle Wed 18-Dec-13 16:00:15

oh dear.


TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons Wed 18-Dec-13 16:00:44

Ah it sounds like an early night, cuddled up watching tv with your girls is exactly what you need right now.

Take care of yourself. Today was a shit day...tomorrow will be better.

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 16:18:17

Oh, damn. Sorry, that sounds crap. But a) you managed to push your car off the road - impressive! And b) today's nearly over. If you have an early night it will be over even earlier.

You did achieve some stuff today, please don't lose sight of that.


HorsesDogsNails Wed 18-Dec-13 16:22:39

Sometimes shit days are just shit days..... Chalk this one up and tomorrow will be better.....

Badvocatyuletide Wed 18-Dec-13 16:24:34

Can you lob some potatoes in the oven before pick up?
Then by 4.30/5 there will be lovely hot jacket potatoes for tea smile
Zero effort smile
Enjoy your hugs.

Golddigger Wed 18-Dec-13 16:25:59

It is end of term and end of a bad year for you.

Try and chill as much as possible. Though if you can mop the sticky parts of the floor so that no one slips on it, that would be good.
Otherwise choc spread for tea. Who cares?

Golddigger Wed 18-Dec-13 16:26:29

Do you need to make an appointment for the gp about your joints?

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 18-Dec-13 16:27:09

Hi, this has come up in active ... I'm so sorry you feel this way. I know it's just a minor thing but I am 100% sure it is not true MN has colluded to ignore you (or make them ignore you - do you mean the docs?). You are one of the best-known posters on here and I don't think there's a single person who's been here longer than a few months who hasn't at one time or another been on your threads trying to help out. Honestly. It may not feel like that right now, but don't let yourself believe it ... do an advance search on yourself, and you will see all those messages and all the times people have cared enough to rally round you.

Just look at them and let it make you feel a bit less alone - it will do, I am sure.

Hope you feel better soon, and sorry I don't have any advice other than that (but I couldn't ignore it once I read - it really is just how you are feeling and not how it is).

TinselinaBumSquash Wed 18-Dec-13 16:33:31

Trin <huge hug>

I'm not overly sure what to say, you've had a spectacularly shitty time your not expected to be superwoman!

This term has seemed stupidly long. We're all knackered and wishing that the last day of school would hurry up.

Keep up with the tablets, do you have any pain relief for the joint pain?

As for tidying, little steps are what does it, that's how I get through when PND has me on my knees.

You're on my Facebook love so if you ever want a chat, about anything at all. I'm there whenever just to be at the end of a computer/phone to listen and make reassuring noises. (initials CP)

TrinityIsAReindeer Wed 18-Dec-13 17:29:23

thank you so much everyone

I have had a blood test to check for rheumatoid arthritis but it came back negative which is a good thing but doesn't give me an answer iyswim

I have hypermobility syndrome
Chondromalatiapatela (sp?) in my knee
Bursitus in my shoulders

I got so angry with myself for running out of fuel that when I got home (thanks to my mechanic mate getting me some fuel) that I put on really really loud music and attacked the kitchen

filled the dishwasher, put it on, washed up some more, put the washing machine on, cleared the table and the sides of crap, threw away a full binbag of crap, wiped the sides and tab;e and swept the floor

It would still make most people get out their rubber gloves but its a big improvement

dd2 (8) us sobbing on the couch next to me with a sore throat bless her cottons

It is blowing an absolute hooly and pissing down

We're are supposed to be going to the last tae kwon do session of the year but dd2 doesn't seem up to it and none of us fancy going out in this weather

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 18:58:47

Oh yes, stay in and snuggle up on the sofa with hot drinks, warm blankets and questionable tv.

Brilliant that you attacked the kitchen. Well done!

ScrambledSmegs Wed 18-Dec-13 18:59:41

PS thanks and brew <-- honey & lemon for DD2. Hope she feels better soon.

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