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PTSD feeling low... help please!

(1 Post)
Katkins1 Sat 14-Dec-13 18:33:11


I have posted on mn before, and have always received good advice. I was diagnosed with PTSD in May this year - long history of sex abuse, neglect and loads of other stuff. I'm a single mum, 1 DD (6), and in my final year of uni. I've just been accepted on to a master's, but have been told by 2 other universities if I apply for a Phd on a scheme, I can skip it and do that instead. Obviously, I'm pleased, even if it does mean staying up late to write the whole application.

I'm feeling a bit silly now, though because of two things. The first thing is that last year I felt suicidal because I was having flashbacks, and I've only just revealed my tutors how ill I was. They know about me, I've been honest in the past and trust them, they are really supportive. I also have a counsellor, so there's no issue there. I'm scared that they might pull me up on it, though, or tell me off or try and kick me out or something. Obviously, I felt better, otherwise I wouldn't have told them, but still. They are really lovely about everything, let me chat to them anytime, provide information on course content if I need it. In fact, that's what prompted the disclosure before I was diagnosed with PTSD.

The other thing I'm worried about is that we had an exam, out of hours this week (I do Drama) and I know a lecturer's (female) partner. We did a voluntary thing together, and when she was ill last year, myself and some girls from our year did a sponsored thing to show our support. I couldn't find a babysitter for the exam, so this lovely lady ended up with my DD at their house (she offered- they have a DD similar age, and other kids). After the exam, I went back with the tutor and his older teenage to fetch her. The exam was a performance, so the other kids came to watch everyone. I picked up my DD, called a taxi, went home. I hugged her, and him, but joked in a friendly way said"I know you are a teacher, but I don't care, that was so nice of you." His partner was stood right next to me, it was a friendly thing. Sent an e-mail the next day to say thanks. I thought it was a nice thing to do, really, really lovely, and as its my final year, it was quite important that I got the opportunity to be marked on the two performances that we did, not just one. The other was in the afternoon, so DD was at school. The marks are fair, it wont effect those, totally separate, and they get moderated, too, so there's no issue there.

But now I'm terrified that I (or they) will get in trouble for simply doing a really kind thing. I know it sounds silly, but its really effecting me and I'm so, so, so worried. Maybe its my PTSD, I don't know, but could I get kicked out of uni for it? Help please! I'm so scared.

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