how do I find resilience ?

[bassetfeet]

I just dont have any . Ashamed and tired so tired . Weepy and ashamed . Health problems for both of us now. But manageable .
I seem to have lost hope. The future when I am in this horrid place seems all downhill. I have found mindfulness helpful in the past but it isnt working now.

So I need some backbone and advice to get me back on track if you can . Thank you .

[mydoorisalwaysopen]

You could try moodgym.anu.edu.au/ it's an online CBT course. It helps me when my demons start getting to me.

[ILoveAFullFridge]

I wish I knew.

It's tough when you feel everything. We have to remind ourselves that we are not responsible for everything.

My dc1 seems to have resilience. I watch him and try to learn from him. I think that it is part of his Aspergers, in that he really does not notice, connect with or care about things. Yet he can be sensitive and loving. Perhaps we need to learn not to take things personally?

Keep breathing. It will ease. You will find a moment when a mindfulness practice helps. Persevere - believe that you are worth persevering for.

[Golddigger]

Are your illnesses making you tired, or something else?

Do you want to say why you feel ashamed?
From what little I can remember you post nicely and helpfully, so I wouldnt have thought you had much to feel ashamed about.

[bassetfeet]

Thank you so much for lovely replies . Oh how it helps to post .

Going to look up moodgym now mydoor have heard of this before so will do it .not just skim but learn. Thank you .

Your post about your son fullfridgehas given me insight . Such an enigma and how emotions are personal to each and every one of us
Thank you for your words and reminding me to breathe . You have a lovely boy

Golddigger We are both tired and scared . My health needs to be dealt with soon . Just cant face investigations and the outcome at the moment . I feel ashamed that I am teary and cant give my husband the support he needs . Hell he doesnt need me crying and I must be resilient for what lies ahead . He is fine at the moment which makes my tears even more appalling. Thank you so much for kind words .

It just seems to me at the moment that there is only hard times ahead and that is so first world problem . Need to get a grip . thank you . helped hugely to type . x

[Golddigger]

It doesnt sound like first world problems to me.
Understandable that if you both have health worries and fears that that is worrying.
Do you have rl support from people that you can lean on? Do you have a faith?

Are you sure that the outcome for you is going to be bad?

[bassetfeet]

I am not sure about my health outcome but am realistic in that I smoked most of my adult life . hence the shame .

No one to lean on really apart from younger son who has enough to deal with . Faith ? yes I think so . Yes I do on reflection . Dont know what god . Buddhism has always seemed to me to be the kindest.
it is the lack of backbone that makes me ashamed Golddigger .
Dear me so many suffer so much on this planet .

[Golddigger]

I am of the opinion that we are all born with different characteristics. And a person who is say timid, is not going to be a super confident person anytime soon.
Also of course, how a person is brought up, influences characteristics later in life.
I think you may being too hard on yourself? re the smoking and re the possible lack of backbone?

[ILoveAFullFridge]

My DH has been my rock through many years of depression. He has had a couple of times when he was made redundant, and that messes dreadfully with his sense of self-worth. It sends him into depression. Those are the times when I realise just how important I am to him. That what I perceive as my neediness is not the way he sees me.

We need to be needed. We gain strength from giving strength.

Do not be afraid of reaching out to you OH for support now, even if times are tough for him, too. You neither of you stand alone, but each leans upon the other, sharing strength. You are like an archway - you may appear delicate and fragile but together you are stronger than you look.

(Hope this doesn't sound trite! )

[ILoveAFullFridge]

And thank you for your comment on my boy.