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DDs housemate's ex is suicidal, don't know how to advise DD

(2 Posts)
GroovyGiraffe Fri 13-Dec-13 22:49:45

I hope it is ok and the right place to post about this.
DD is at uni (3rd year). Her housemates ex-boyfriend has had depression for years and is now having suicidal thoughts and was on the verge of taking his own life last night.
DD phoned me in tears, she finds it all very distressing and is finding she has no idea how to support her housemate.
Her housemate is being very sensible about it, she has sought help for herself from the University counsellor and reported the ex to the welfare dept.
The housemate is still seeing the ex almost daily to support him and check he is ok. The ex is on a vulnerable person watch list and getting regular support from professionals, although is clearly at a very low point.
It is all very difficult and I just have no idea how to advise DD. DD has been through her fair share of adversity in life but nothing of a similar nature. DD says she is so scared and also concerned about her housemate (who is also a close friend)- while the housemate is being proactive obviously the emotional toll is huge and she is living on eggshells terrified of what may happen.

Just wondered if anyone with more experience can point me to resource or send words of wisdoms to pass on to DD.

I am glad it is nearly xmas to give them all a break, although I know that probably isn't such a relief for the housemate or ex himself.

MadameDefarge Fri 13-Dec-13 23:03:52

I think it is fine to tell her that while other people have problems, you don't have to take them on board yourself.

Its ok to be supportive of flatmate, but no need to bother about ex.

But being supportive does not mean letting it take over her own life.

She needs to keep to her own routines, go to be at normal times (not too many late nights agonising about what can't be fixed).

She needs to be clear about her boundaries, and give herself permission to not feel involved all the time.

Support yes, cups of tea, picking up notes or books if necessary.

Living through every agonising moment is not necessary.

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