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Please talk to me about PND, CBT and anti depressants?

(105 Posts)
batterylow Mon 02-Dec-13 12:18:45

I have had a rough year, rough ten years if I am honest. But since dd2 was ten weeks old it felt like I was living in some kind of ground hog day when every day was impossible and her poor sleep meant I couldn't look forward to evenings either or ever get more than a tiny amount of sleep.

Our family life is really stressful, older child has sn and I knew I didn't feel right but kept thinking its circumstantial, couldn't face the gp due to anxiety about kids being removed, being out on anti depressants making me overweight (I know these two are not equal worries but have not been myself for a while!!)

Dh then had an affair which has been horrible to deal with but on the other hand has forced us both to look at our problems rather than carry on living separate lives in the same house. All sorts of things have been going on and I am not sure what the outcome of my relationship will be but am not making a final decision just yet for various reasons. I am due to start CBT in jan but still haven't been to the gp (self referred to CBT) but feel I am not managing very well and having panic attacks, horrible obsessive thoughts, feel hopeless about at least the immediate future. I know all this is normal considering my dh has betrayed me so badly but I felt so out of it and low before that that I think I could have PND but would the gp say its too late to diagnose this now(baby is 17months)? Would taking anti depressants help with cbt or would it make it less effective? I don't feel like my gp is particularly clued up with MH issues and my anxiety is that they will say as both dh and I are depressed, the children are unsafe?

NewName123 Wed 04-Dec-13 14:20:13

why don't you write stuff down before you go to let her read or to read out to her, this might make it easier?

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 14:46:22

Thanks yes that's a good idea. I initially felt myself start to lose control on the phone but managed to get back from it and listed my symptoms as if I was talking about something routine which helped. The danger in that though of course is that she thinks I am fine!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 16:03:29

Hello again. Firstly sorry no I didn't mean I was in same situation as you re affair - more that I thought our relationship was massively on the rocks when actually it was because I was feeling so awful that things were so bad between us IYSWIM. It's a bit chicken and egg isn't it because the situation is depressing in itself, but the depression makes it very very hard to deal with the most minor of things and it is easy to obsess over everything especially when there is such a big 'elephant in the corner'. So I think the ADs will help you deal with this.

Re going to the GP and your fear of this, have a watch of this Brene Brown video if you haven't seen it before. It's all about having the courage to be vulnerable and how that can benefit you. 'Putting it out there' was for me a huge step forward in recovering. If nobody knows you need support, you don't get any.

Nobody will think badly of you for having claimed to be fine for so long (I did exactly the same and hid my depression extremely well for months). It is fine to cry, absolutely fine, all GPs have tissues on their desks for a reason. Honestly although it is excruciating, once you've seen her you will wonder why you were so worried.

Agree with NewName re writing it all down - I did bullet points last time I went. This helps if you can't actually speak, and ensures you don't miss anything out.

NewName123 Wed 04-Dec-13 16:07:40

Hi Big, you are right when ever I talk to a Dr or mental health professional I try and let it all hang out so to speak because I figure they have seen it all before. If I am nervous then I don't rey and hide it, I often witter on and try not to sensor what I am saying so to speak. Yes I think you are spot on when you say let yourself be vulnerable x

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 16:16:54

Thanks both of you. I really wish I could have had the appointment today. Especially with work tomorrow as will have to go straight after but I really do need to start sorting it.

Bigarea sorry your relationship was so stressful too. Hard to deal with definitely and I agree about chicken and egg. I am low enough that I genuinely can't tell if I caused the affair by being depressed, dh says no but I feel it can't be coincidence that my last partner cheated and that maybe I can't have relationships. But if someone else said that to me I would think they weren't thinking straight probably. I want my dh to support me with how I feel but as he caused a lot of it, I feel I don't want him to now which is lonely. But I think my depression goes back further than the affair and relationship stuff and the self esteem problems even further back. I definitely had a period of not being depressed between my two children but its hard to say when that began and ended now.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 16:23:48

Ps just watched the start of that clip, wil watch the rest later but her first session with the therapist reminds me of me going for counselling years ago!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 19:59:30

You know what, CBT has your name on it battery. I went from thinking "I am the world's crappest mum/friend/person" to thinking/knowing "actually, I am ok". It helps you to 'reprogramme' those negative thought patterns you get stuck in. What you said re being cheated on - it's not you, it's them - you know that really don't you? But you need some help convincing your own brain of that.

Agree, having a depressed wife must be very hard but not every man has an affair, therefore the depression did not cause the affair. We are all human, we all fuck up, we can all move on if we choose to. So what has happened in the past does not define how your relationship has to be in the future, but you do need to be strong enough to tackle it.

Getting things sorted between you and DH may mean you can stay married and things will get back on track, but I am certainly not saying that all your problems are down to your depression - so it may be that once you are feeling better, you may realise that it is time to move on. Either way you will work out what is right for you and have the strength to follow through on it.

I am massively into the whole concept of having the courage to be vulnerable, I am definitely a slow learner but I do find myself gradually becoming a bit wiser - and that is one of my most valuable life lessons to date. Tomorrow will be fine - try to have a good sleep, don't think about it while you are at work, and just go in to the doctors and blurt it out - think of it like ripping a plaster off, you just have to go for it. Once you have started it will all come out and I promise things will start to improve.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 20:53:27

Thank you that's a really helpful post. I sort of know its them with the cheating but it took a long time to believe that about my ex who was a bit of a serial cheater, he actually didn't have the emotional capacity to have a relationship due to awful childhood issues and mental health stuff so I came to realise (years after we split, he was quite controlling and I was still dealing with that for a long while after the relationship ended as we had a child together) Dh seemed so different and it now feels like I turned him bad when I think about it in my low moments. But I sort of know that's not rational.

I really hope cbt helps me. It sounds like a success for you and I would love to not constantly criticise myself about this stuff. I don't even know what's real and what's my low self esteem any more. I convinced myself I have bi polar disorder today, in fact I probably do need to tell the gp about my erratic behaviour and high mood when under extreme stress because I think some anti depressants would be a bad idea if iam prone to those moods but I don't want her to think I am worse than I am and worry about the children etc.

batterylow Wed 04-Dec-13 21:21:43

Someone posted a link to the post natal depression questionnaire so I just did it. If you score over ten you should seek help, after dd1 I remember being told I had scored 11 but due to circumstances the hv just saw me regularly for a bit. Today I scored 25 !!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 22:09:27

So a high score in a test is good, right?! grin Well done for doing it, I think it's so useful. What time is your appt tomorrow? FWIW I don't think anyone will worry about your children unless they are considered to be at risk, which I don't get the sense of at all from your posts. You sound to me like you are still parenting really well in difficult circumstances. Unless children are at risk nobody would even consider taking them away - but you might get more support, which would be wonderful. Hang in there.

LetMeAtTheWine Wed 04-Dec-13 22:34:33

Hi, I just wanted to say I have suffered from depression for years (not PND) and have been on and off AD's over a period of 7 years. This year I completed 6 sessions of CBT and it has made such a difference! At first I thought it would be a complete waste of time but I am now so glad I did it. I am no longer on AD's and use the techniques from my CBT sessions regularly.
Please try to be honest with your GP as it is the only way they can give you the help you need. Not admitting how you really feel is a common 'symptom' of depression and no-one will think badly of you for coming forward now and saying you think you need some help.
I hope your appointment is productive and that CBT is as effective for you as it was for me. Hopefully getting support with this will help you resolve any other issues you have in your life at present.

batterylow Thu 05-Dec-13 12:12:28

Thank you both, will be back later as have to go back to work but just cried at doctor , urge so embarrassing. Anyway she prescribed citalopram to start after I stop St. John's wort for three days so Sunday.

BigArea Thu 05-Dec-13 12:50:45

Well done you have been very brave. Brilliant.

LetMeAtTheWine Thu 05-Dec-13 15:25:55

Well done! Hope it helps quickly. X

NewName123 Thu 05-Dec-13 16:41:05

Oh great, hope it works well x

batterylow Thu 05-Dec-13 23:06:47

Thank you. I feel relieved now as when I get horrible obsessive thoughts I know its due to not being well, hopefully they will lessen when I start the ads. Dreading the side effects though!

BigArea Fri 06-Dec-13 07:34:07

Well done battery, agree side effects not nice but I think should only last for a few days. I found a steady supply of drinks and biscuits helped with the nausea. Well worth it though, but do go back to docs if you're not coping x

Avondale Fri 06-Dec-13 07:50:00

Good on ya! Wondering how you were getting on. Sure they will be in effect from the New Year and things will start to look more manageable for you.
My CBT taught me to use lists. Not my usual pages long To Do Lists which I found overwhelming but five, realistic things I could achieve that day. Good luck

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 14:19:37

Thanks yes hopefully I will have a bit more motivation when on them to sort things out a bit and am hoping the cbt will help deal with some of the patterns I have which have led to this situation. Lists sound good. Just being able to ink straight enough to know what needs doing will be good too. Dreading Sunday but also just want to get on with it.

Anyone had experience with starting citalopram? I know people often get started on it and change so hope its not the cheap option, would hate to go rough side effects etc then have to change but I guess its the same whatever I was taking.

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 06-Dec-13 19:10:14

That is the one I was last on and from what I remember it was find, although have been on a few others with varying impacts which shows that not all medications suit everyone. Hopefully you will be fine on it too but if not try to remember that changing will help you in the long run so will be worth it.
Good luck OP, I have my fingers crossed for you.

LetMeAtTheWine Fri 06-Dec-13 19:10:38

Fine, not find - sorry!

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 19:13:22

Thank you, fingers crossed it helps as feel I am in limbo waiting to try.

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 21:55:41

Sorry, me again can't face starting a new thread. Does anyone know what is the best time of day to take citalopram or is it a personal thing? I have read they can interfere with sleep (is this just initial starting side effect?) and I have insomnia anyway so maybe I should take in the morning? But then if they made me tired that would be tricky.

BigArea Fri 06-Dec-13 22:16:35

Hi lovely, I took mine in the morning. Just googled and the first reply on this thread seems quite useful. You may find you don't suffer any initial side effects but if you do they should only last a few days. Try to ride them out and please do keep posting here x

batterylow Fri 06-Dec-13 22:26:04

Thank you yes that is a good reply, based on that and the fact my worst time is evenings , I will start in the mornings too and see how I go. I am also reassured by the whole discussion of how helpful they were to that poster, its funny as when I was on lofepramine I don't remember noticing feeling better till about 18months after taking them! I remember realising that I had talked to a group of people at college (was years ago) and hadn't felt inferior to them, it was a revalation!

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