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Did you talk to your family?

(25 Posts)
Name7 Wed 27-Nov-13 23:34:54

Hi, I went to my doctors today and admitted that I thought I had depression. We talked through my symptoms, mainly still exhausted after sleeping and not sleeping well, and finding day to day tasks really difficult.

I spoke to my husband (who is working abroad for a few weeks) as he had seen my appointment as our phone diaries sync. He asked if it was all his fault then not much more really.

I'm staying with my parents this weekend. I don't know if I should tell them. We don't talk about mental health as a family, not an awful lot about other health either to be honest, but I don't know if they would be hurt if I didn't tell them.

We are close, speak every couple of days or so. Has anyone got any experience? Was it best to keep it to yourself? I don't know what support they could give me, they are great at practical support, when I had a MMC a few years ago, my Mum cleaned my house top to bottom but I can't really remember chatting about it?

Any advice appreciated, thank you

Scruffyhound Wed 27-Nov-13 23:48:48

I would chat to your family. You may even find they have suffered a similar thing. I told my mum once then she told me she was the same and we were both on the same drugs! But we never said anything because we did not want the other to worry. Please bring it may help. If you are close it should be ok. There are those people who say snap out of it so long as they are that ( which it does not sound like they are) tell them. Good luck x

BigArea Wed 27-Nov-13 23:58:46

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I will not be very eloquent on this but... In my experience if you can be brave enough to show your vulnerability then people will respond well and want to help you. I was surprise at the people who said 'yes, me too' and telling friends and family is still part of my coping strategy when I realise I'm on a low. I hid my depression so well and for so long when DD was a baby that people were shocked when I 'came out'. But in the end I wished I had been honest sooner.

Name7 Thu 28-Nov-13 00:02:43

I think my gut tells me they would tell me to get a grip, which they probably wouldn't. One of my issues is keeping on top of the house, I'm clean but am never completely tidy or washing up to date. I think deep down they think I'm lazy???

Name7 Thu 28-Nov-13 00:03:17

Thank you for replying by the way!!

Name7 Thu 28-Nov-13 00:06:29

I was amazed at the support I got after my mmc. I was 12 weeks but a close friend and colleague blurted it out at a works do a week before so everyone knew. When I went back to work I couldn't believe the number of people it had happened to. I don't work there any more unfortunately, they were a grat group of people!!

BigArea Thu 28-Nov-13 12:51:11

I don't think you've got anything to lose by telling them have you? You've got the ideal opportunity this weekend. They might surprise you.

Could you afford a cleaner once every couple of weeks? My mum paid for one for me for ages which helped massively - they have stopped now so the house is a shit pit back to normal again grin

Name7 Thu 28-Nov-13 21:58:47

I have got a cleaner, I do some work that pays for a couple if hours a week. It's just that there's always one room that can't be done until I'm cleared up. Desk etc just has stuff on it.
How did you broach the subject?

BigArea Thu 28-Nov-13 22:18:57

Just jumped in I think "I've been to the doctors..." That sort of thing. Or people normally ask how you are - you can actually tell them! "I've not been feeling too good actually...."

People might not know what to do with the information, but until you tell them you just don't know how they will react. Hopefully your parents will ask what they can do to help.

Name7 Thu 28-Nov-13 22:49:12

Thank you, I'll try that. Very nervous. I just don't want to go into reasons why I may be depressed yet...

Are you named after the Then Jerico song? I love that song!

BigArea Thu 28-Nov-13 22:54:40

Yes! We saw them at Rewind festival in the summer and there was some kind of double entendre to do with my 'big area' <mature> grin

There doesn't have to be a 'why' with depression - but if it helps you can talk it through on here. There are so many posters who have been there and it does help you not to feel like a 'crazy person' IYSWIM.

If your parents are generally nice people (and I assume they are as you are so close) then I think it's worth gritting your teeth and saying something. Even if you just blurt something out clumsily at least it gets it out in the open, which I found was so so helpful and liberating. I bet your Mum would be gutted if she knew you were so nervous of telling her.

Name7 Thu 28-Nov-13 23:34:41

You're right. Why is it do hard to talk about? I think I have suffered with various degrees my whole life. I was always wary as you have to mention it on job applications and as a teacher I was worried. Silly isn't it? I would never judge someone who told me they had depression, in fact I taught with someone (no longer in teaching now) who had manic episodes but refused help, that was so frustrating as they were fabulous in the classroom.

BigArea Fri 29-Nov-13 08:38:42

It's still just a massive taboo isn't it - particularly re work I think. I returned after mat leave having been on ADs for a while but didn't tell my bosses until I had a massive stress induced relapse, ended up having to take time off, reduce my days and increase my dosage. I'm in a different job now and haven't told them either, but I am now better at saying if things get too much. I've recently gone back onto ADs and caught it early via discussing how I was feeling with DH and realising I wasn't myself. Sorry your DH hasn't been supportive up til now.

Name7 Fri 29-Nov-13 10:29:29

I don't work at the moment, don't know if that's a good or bad thing. It's certainly very difficult due to lack of childcare in our tiny village.

I will try this weekend, the fluoxetine that the dr has put me on recommends no alcohol so not having a glass of wine with dinner may be the opening I need.

I have looked at some threads on here but they all seem so much more extreme than what I'm going through! Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me!

BigArea Fri 29-Nov-13 11:01:07

That's a good idea, glad you've been given some meds, I've not had fluoxetine but I know it works well for people. Is there a CBT service available in your area? If so you can normally self refer and get 6-12 sessions for free. Well worth doing as helped me enormously in breaking negative thought patterns. Good luck this weekend, let us know how it goes

Name7 Sat 30-Nov-13 03:06:54

Yes, I have been referred for cbt, I don't know how long the wait is. The doctor said that the tablets would help but cbt was the best treatment. I feel a bit odd, it's like the tablets have quietened the constant noise (criticism) in my head??? Is that typical or is it psychosomatic??

BigArea Sat 30-Nov-13 08:55:44

Yes I think so, that's a good thing surely? Common to feel a bit odd to begin with, I am on sertraline and felt queasy etc for the first week.

Good about CBT referral - I waited ages before they could give me a slot I could actually get to due to work/childcare. So if you're a bit more flexible that's helpful. I think ADs and CBT are an excellent combo and the 12 sessions I had about 2.5 yrs ago have stood me in good stead. Don't be afraid to ring them to see if/when you can make an appointment

Name7 Sat 30-Nov-13 22:43:58

I did it! Came up quite naturally, as I expected as I said no thanks to a glass of wine. Mum has been worried about me for quite a while. Dad is glad I'm getting help but didn't say an awful lot more. It's a big relief! Thank you for your support x

BigArea Sun 01-Dec-13 17:22:50

That's brilliant I'm so pleased for you, must be a huge relief smile

Name7 Sun 01-Dec-13 18:59:01

I'm just home. We didn't talk a huge amount but they were very concerned about how I slept last night and I had extra long hugs as I left.
Mum and I are meeting up this week on my one child free day so that's something to look forward to!

BigArea Mon 02-Dec-13 10:50:56

that's really really good, I honestly feel a trouble shared is a trouble slightly reduced, if not actually halved. Well done you.

Name7 Mon 02-Dec-13 21:17:24

I think you're right. I don't know if I would have done it without your advice! Thank you so much! Did you tell many people? I did worry about Mum telling other members of the family but realise I don't need to feel ashamed. I have an illness and I'm doing something about getting better. Starting to sleep better at night as well. DH is home Sat night, so that's good too!

BigArea Wed 04-Dec-13 12:14:12

I'm really glad, I felt immediately better after 'putting it out there' and taking steps to get help. Onwards and upwards!

BigArea Sat 07-Dec-13 21:41:14

How are you doing now Name7?

Name7 Tue 10-Dec-13 22:20:14

Hi, thanks for thinking of me. Had headaches almost constantly, paracetamol not helping but feel a bit better today. DH is home now and I'm finding it really difficult to communicate with him. If I mention it, he changes the subject and just seems to ask "what's the matter" all the time.

I have my referral for January so there is a start and I'll see my gp next week. How are you?

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